[Ding! Fate has aligned, and your woeful destiny with women has reached the heavens! You have been granted the Ultimate Harem System!!!]
Hugo blinked, still a bit nauseous.
'Wait… what?'
He glanced around cautiously, searching for hidden speakers.
No luck.
"Wait... did I just hear that right? 'Ultimate Harem System'? Is this some kind of twisted joke?" Hugo muttered to himself.
He had just embarrassed his entire 7 generations in the auditorium some minutes ago, now he was already being pranked for social media?
[Ding! System Online: No joke, Hugo. Although, with the way your life's going, you could use a laugh.]
He groaned. "Oh, brilliant. First day at uni is already a disaster, and now I'm hearing voices. Great start, Hugo. Really nailing this 'college experience."
[I'm not just a voice, you miserable noodle. I'm the system that's going to save your sorry existence.]
Hugo's eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. Had he just unlocked his very own cheat system?
So the key to unlocking his system had been social eradication all along?
Being a die-hard otaku, he was all too familiar with these things. He had devoured countless system novels, where the protagonist gets some overpowered ability.
His favorite ones were the ones were the protagonist gets a *cough* system...
His mind raced.
Was this it? Was this the moment he transcended from awkward loser to harem king?
Was it time for him to ascend to the heavens in a single leap and start attracting women left and right?
Could this system be real?
[Oh, I'm real, Hugo. Given the fact you just detonated in front of that cute girl, I'd say you need divine intervention more than a system.]
Hugo's face flushed red. "You saw that, huh?"
[Everyone saw that, Hugo. No, they heard it. Half the campus heard it. It was like performance art... but with extra bodily functions.]
Frustrated, Hugo kicked a nearby juice box, only to have orange liquid splash all over his SpongeBob socks.
Brilliant!
"I didn't exactly plan for my grand entrance to include sneezing, farting, and dying of embarrassment. This can't possibly get worse."
[Oh, trust me, it can. Which is why you need me.]
Hugo's brow furrowed.
"Need you? What for, 'seducing women'? Right. That's definitely going to happen. I couldn't even get Emily to look at me before I... well, you know."
[Before you set off your personal fireworks display? Yeah, we all saw it. But don't worry—you're not completely hopeless. Just mostly.]
Sarcasm dripped from Hugo's voice. "Oh, great. Really motivational. You're a regular Tony Robbins, aren't you?"
[Hey, I'm just being honest. If I were here to boost your ego, I'd be lying through my code. But don't worry—I'll get you sorted.]
Hugo squinted. "Sorted? How, exactly? You haven't really explained what you do, other than mock me continuously."
[Oh, that's the easy part. I make you irresistible to women.]
Hugo was shocked.
"Irresistible? Me? Have you seen me?"
[Oh, I've seen you. Skinny, awkward, and allergic to talking to women without turning the colour of ketchup. But that's where I come in. To fix all…this.]
As Hugo conversed with the mysterious voice, a group of passing sophomores stared at him, clearly wondering if this guy was in need of professional help.
Why was he talking to himself, and why was he standing right next to a mental health awareness poster?
Oblivious to their concern, Hugo continued, gesturing animatedly to the air as he talked. "Sounds like a full-time job. What's the catch?"
[Oh, there's always a catch. It's coming right up...]
A brief silence ensued.
Then the voice returned, more sinister than before:
[Ding! Initialising Death Mission... Seduce a 7+ woman within one month, or die!]
Hugo froze, eyes bulging. "Wait, what? Seduce a 7+ woman or die?! What kind of medieval nonsense is this? I can't even seduce my reflection!"
[Yep. Simple. Clear. No pressure. Either you get ponied, or… well, no more Hugo.]
Hugo's heart pounded. "WHAT?!" His voice cracked. What did it mean by no more Hugo?
Why did the system suddenly feel more like a death sentence?
"That's not a catch! That's an execution!"
This was an execution system!
[Call it what you want. I call it motivation.]
'Yeah, right. Nothing gets a guy in the mood for romance like an impending death sentence.'
Hugo took a deep breath, attempting to stay calm. Maybe there was a loophole. "In the worst case, I could borrow some cash and hire a pros-."
[No pay pigging.]
His stomach dropped. This system wasn't playing around.
It was out for his blood!
Hugo clutched his head, breathing heavily. "This can't be real... I'm going to die, aren't I?"
[Well, look on the bright side—you didn't have much going on before I showed up. Face it, Hugo, your life's been circling the drain. This is your chance to change that.]
"Or die trying." Hugo added.
[Hey, glass half full. Either way, you won't be known as 'that guy who farted during orientation'. Assuming you survive, that is.]
Hugo groaned. "This is going to be the longest month of my life, isn't it?"
He really hoped it wouldn't be the last.
[Only if you succeed, Romeo. Tick-tock, time's wasting.]
Checking his watch, Hugo realised it was nearly lunchtime. Despite the toilet apocalypse that had just unfolded, his stomach growled in defiance.
He couldn't believe it. He was actually hungry!
He sighed and started walking towards the cafeteria.
As he went, a question popped into his mind. "You said you'd make me irresistible to women. What exactly can you do? Don't I get a welcome package or something?"
After all, in every decent system novel, there's always a welcome package. How else could the protagonist, who's usually hopeless, get a head start?
This was a known rule of webnovels!
As he was walking, Hugo abruptly stopped, squinting at the campus map. Which way was north?
He stood there for a few awkward minutes, flapping the pamphlet like a broken compass, before realising he'd been walking in the wrong direction.
Then, the system chimed once more—this time, with actual good news.
[Ding! Bestowing Welcome Package!]
Hugo licked his lips with a scary expression on his face.
He had just experienced a social death and had thought it couldn't get any worse.
Now, he had an impending real death on the way!
It was time for the system to prove why it was called the Ultimate Harem System and give him good cheats.
Life or death hung in a delicate balance...
Hugo didn't want to die!