Hugo woke up in a hospital bed, his entire body aching as if he'd just been trampled by a herd of stampeding elephants. His head throbbed, and he squinted at the sterile white ceiling above him.
"Ugh, where am I?" he muttered, trying to sit up, only to be met with a sharp pain in his ribs and jaw. "Oh, right... the party. The fight. The right hook."
As if on cue, the Ultimate Harem System's voice echoed in his head, far too chipper for Hugo's liking.
[Ding! 27 days left until eradication!]
He sighed. This wasn't the sort of message one wanted to wake up to. This system was far too sadistic!
Thinking of the death mission, Hugo's mind couldn't help but drift back to his epic fail at the freshman party.
Not only had he failed to successfully approach a single girl, but his luck had been so terrible that the girls he did approach were particularly creative.
Their replies had roasted him so thoroughly he'd suffered third-degree burns!
'Do I really look that bad?'
Without a doubt, Hugo knew his looks were the reason for his failure. He was a short, skinny, sickly-looking boy with trillions of acne, a squeaky voice, and no charisma.
Which girl would want a guy like that?
Still lying on his bed, Hugo opened the system interface and navigated to the inventory tab. In his inventory, there was a single item.
'Plate Unlock Pills'
Hugo had originally read the description of this item but found it too unrealistic.
[Plate Unlock Pills.
Opens your growth plates temporarily for a week and restarts vertical growth.]
Hugo still couldn't believe it. This could make him grow taller? He had peaked at fourteen, and his growth plates had fused.
Could this really change that?
Realising he had nothing to lose, Hugo materialised the pill with a thought and examined it.
It was pink and shaped like a... well, a rather suggestive object.
A dildo?
Hugo was momentarily dazed, but remembering the miraculous benefits this pill promised, he mustered the courage to take it.
He was 5'5. Any added inch was desperately needed!
Without a second thought, Hugo swallowed the pill, hoping it didn't taste how it looked.
He barely had time to wonder if this was a good idea when a strange warmth spread through his body. It started in his chest, radiating outwards until every inch of him tingled with a euphoric sensation.
"Oh... oh wow..." Hugo gasped, his head falling back against the pillow as the sensation intensified. "This feels... this feels..."
[Ding! System Online: Blissful? Euphoric? Like you're having the best dream of your life?]
"YES!" Hugo moaned, his body arching on the bed as waves of pleasure washed over him. "This is... this is... oh my God!"
His hands clenched the sheets, his legs kicked out wildly, and before he knew it, he was contorting into the weirdest positions imaginable, like some sort of possessed yoga master.
"Fuck! Ohh yesss!"
Hugo was halfway through a particularly bizarre pose—something between a split and a swan dive—when the door to his hospital room creaked open.
He didn't notice at first, too caught up in the heavenly bliss flooding his senses.
But then he heard a small gasp. A very feminine, very concerned gasp.
Hugo froze mid-contortion and slowly turned his head to see a sexy nurse standing in the doorway, her eyes wide with a mix of confusion and horror.
She looked like she'd just walked in on a scene from a very strange and inappropriate art film.
"Oohhh!... I can explain," Hugo moaned, his voice emerging in a breathy, high-pitched tone that sounded nothing like him. "This isn't what it looks like... I'm just... stretching?"
The nurse blinked, taking in the sight of Hugo. His face was red and sweaty, and his hands were under the blanket doing God knows what.
Her expression shifted from concern to sheer disgust. Patients these days...
"Uh-huh," she said flatly, turning on her heel. "I'll... I'll just leave you to it."
"No, wait! It's not what you think!" Hugo called after her, but she was already gone, the door swinging shut behind her.
Hugo collapsed back onto the bed, his face burning with embarrassment.
"Oohh!... hmmmm!"
The euphoric sensation was still there, but now it was mixed with a hefty dose of humiliation.
[Well, that could have gone better,] the system chimed in. [On the bright side, I think you just invented a new sex position.]
Before Hugo could respond, the door burst open again, and in walked Sanchez, his rich, ridiculously handsome cousin.
He was a Grammy-level music producer at the age of twenty-three, the perfect example of the successful millionaire men he'd read about in novels.
Sanchez was the kind of guy who could make a potato sack look like haute couture, and his mere presence made Hugo feel even smaller—irrespective of any plate unlock pills.
"Hugo, my man! What the hell happened to you?" Sanchez boomed, his voice filled with mock concern.
He glanced around the room, taking in the scene, before his eyes landed on the door the nurse had just exited. "Ah, I see you've already met Nurse McSexy. She's a tough nut to crack, but watch and learn, dear cousin."
Hugo, still sprawled on the bed in a daze, watched in disbelief as Sanchez sauntered over to the door and stuck his head out.
"Hey there, beautiful! Sorry about my cousin. He's just... well, you know how it is with these medications. They can make you a bit loopy. But you, on the other hand, look like you've got everything perfectly under control."
Hugo's jaw dropped as he watched Sanchez lay on the charm thicker than peanut butter on toast. His voice, his gaze, his choice of words...
The nurse, who moments ago had looked like she'd rather jump out of a window than return to the room, suddenly glided over, giggling and blushing.
"Oh, it's no problem at all," she said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "Just doing my job."
Sanchez leaned in closer, flashing her a smile that could have melted steel. "Well, if you ever need someone to help you unwind after a long shift, you've got my number. And if you don't, well, here it is."
He handed her a card, and she took it with a smile that was way too bright for someone who'd just witnessed Hugo's... display.
The nurse tucked the card into her pocket and winked. "I'll think about it."
Sanchez winked back. "You do that."
She left the room, and Hugo just stared, dumbfounded. Sanchez turned back to him, grinning like a cat who'd just caught the canary.
"And that, dear cousin, is how it's done."
Hugo finally found his voice. "How... how did you do that? I mean, I was just... and then she... and you..."
Hugo felt like his cousin must have a secret system of his own! That display didn't feel natural!
There was no way getting a girl's number could be that easy!
Sanchez chuckled, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to Hugo's bed. "It's all about confidence, my man. Confidence and timing. Two things you seem to be a little short on."
Hugo, still feeling the last waves of euphoric sensation fading, looked at his cousin with newfound awe.
"Sanchez, you've got to teach me. I mean, really teach me. I can't keep... whatever this is up on my own."
Sanchez raised an eyebrow. "You want to learn from me? You sure you're ready for that kind of training?"
Hugo nodded desperately. "Yes! Please! I'll do anything! Just... make me less... me!"
Sanchez grinned, leaning back in his chair. "Alright, Hugo. I'll take you under my wing. But be warned—this isn't going to be easy. You're going to have to work for it."
Hugo sat up a little straighter, ignoring the dull ache in his joints. "I'm ready, Sanchez. Whatever it takes."
Hugo took a deep breath, already feeling the pressure. But for the first time in a long while, he felt a flicker of hope. Maybe, just maybe, with Sanchez's help, he could turn things around.
Or at the very least, stop making a complete fool of himself every time a girl was involved.