Due to my lightheadedness, I quickly found a seat in the hallway and gently lowered myself into it. I suddenly began sweating profusely as my heart kept pounding so loud that I could hear it in my ears.
I felt Julie's weight as she sat beside me on the bench." you topped the entire class" she muttered, her hand reaching out to tuck a fallen-out braid behind my ear.
"don't play with me" I tried to steady my racing heart by taking deep breaths.
" you had 14 points out of 15" Julie nudged me.
"that's a lie" I kept imagining the worst . "you don't need to make me feel better. Just tell me the truth. I can never top the class. I can't even get half of that score." Tears were already streaming down my face. "I just can't."
"and why do you say so?" Julie's voice began to spell disgust.
"Because I can never get that score as long as Beatrice is around"
Beatrice was the most intelligent girl in class at the time. She was also beautiful with the perfect body. I believed she had a very high IQ. Not only was she confident, but she was also the teacher's favorite. They often asked her to tutor us to answer questions or review our literature texts.
Most girls wanted to be like her and the guys loved her. A small part of me hated her. Yes, I was green with envy but, I hid it skillfully. Even Julie couldn't smell it but I knew what my thoughts were about. In the depths of my mind, I could never be like her. I wasn't half as beautiful. She had a shining white set of teeth whereas I found mine ugly because of the little gap between my two front teeth.
" You have a point but she's behind you this time around," Julie stated blankly.
"Just stop it." I snapped as I stood up.
"Your demeanor is annoying right now. I had only 5 points. 5! Yet, here's the topper crying like some weak dog. What exactly is your problem? You are getting on my nerves. you need to work on your self-worth." Julie berated me. Then, she turned on her heels, walking towards her unfaithful lover who also disliked me.
I finally mustered courage and walked to the notice board, on where the results were pasted, and looked for my name and foundation number. I was shocked. Julie had not been mocking me. Straight A's were neatly printed next to my name. I wiped my already tear-stained face and peered at the board again. It was impossible or so. I thought. But, it was possible. I just couldn't believe it. After I double-checked it a couple of times, fresh tears slid down my cheeks again.
They represented the fact that my anxiety had finally lifted. I felt relieved and suddenly, it became easier to breathe. I also didn't need to use the toilet again. It felt like I was walking on air. I couldn't wait to give Pops and Mum the good news. But, then I did not give myself a chance to feel proud. My logic was that if I felt happy for too long, something terrible would happen to me and I would never be given a chance to be happy again. I couldn't blame myself. Once beaten, twice shy they say.
Whenever I was too content with my life or my little achievements, life would slap me with something unfortunate. Whenever I expected something pleasant like a blessing, I ended up getting the exact opposite. The natural 'what you sow, you reap' law never worked for me. If I sowed love, I got hatred, betrayal, and indifference.
Plus, whenever I worked hard, I never progressed and remained stuck. It seemed like even the universe hated me. So to avoid jinxing my good grade, I decide not to tell Pop about it anymore. Also, I seriously considered telling our coordinator to remove my name from the notice board so others wouldn't notice it and congratulate me.
As I turned to leave, I bumped into the person standing behind me. He had been checking his results. Since he was taller than I was, he didn't need to move closer to see the contents of the board. I turned to see Daniel, my secret crush. He had his hands in his pockets as he stared down at me. He was the first guy I ever met to have such pretty eyes. he was handsome too.
For a moment, I kept staring at him, wondering how he could look and smell so good. His light blue shirt was neatly ironed and he stood out from the rest of the people around us."
I'm sorry" I caught myself and bowed slightly, rendering an apology.
"it's fine" Daniel's deep voice rumbled and I watched as his Adam apple bobbed up and down.
"I see you are at the top of the list" he mentioned as he shot me a glance. My heart began racing again. Our results were arranged in order so that the person with the best grade topped the list.
"yes," my voice cracked even though I was barely audible.
"hmm. you are very smart"
"no, I am not."
"playing modest. aren't we?" Daniel smirked. he tapped his name on the board as he continued. "looks like I have to up my game in chemistry."
"you science fellows have it harder," I said, in an attempt to make him feel better.
He scoffed. "you tellin' me. Anyway, gotta go. catch you next time"
I watched as he walked away majestically. he carried himself like a prince would and his looks screamed royalty. He raised his head high; his shoulders kept squared. I blushed stupidly as I returned to my class, caressing the spot on my arm where his hands had mistakenly brushed as he turned to leave.
As I settled on my seat, I turned my head from side to side searching for Julie. I had to tell her I spoke with the Prince of my dreams. But, instead, I caught Beatrice's eyes looking at me. She soon stood up and approached me.
"You are Evelyn. Is that correct?"
"No. You mistake me for someone else" I lied.
"I might not be ahead of the class right now but, I am not stupid. You are good at keeping a low profile, considering how intelligent you are."
"I just don't know what to say most times." This was true.
"Hmm. Never underestimate the quiet ones. You may never know what's running through their minds. We should be friends." she smiled brightly. "I like having intelligent people in my circle. We would have tutorials and study dates. We could learn from each other."
"I don't do study groups," I stated.
"Aww, you should give it a try." Beatrice touched my hand. Memories of how she often snubbed me came back to mind. I also didn't forget the few times she had been rude to Julie too. But, I didn't think she'll ever acknowledge my existence. My mind raced with different 'hows and whys' of why she suddenly wanted to be friends with me. My gut feeling screamed catfish but I ignored it and decided to jump right in, with my plans of deceit and manipulation.