Even at the best of times, if I barged in there and told father what I thought, I still couldn't believe that I'd be able to make him agree.
—... Why must I... still be a "child"...?
The sense of powerlessness I had felt at doing nothing but watch El go revived within me, and made me renew my tight grip on the handkerchief.
Still feeling a vague desire for "power," I averted my eyes from the figure of the father I had respected drowning in wine.
When I turned my gaze to the man father was still talking to like that... there was a face that even a child like me knew well.
—The Order of Holy Knights'...
The magnificent, bearded face belonged to a man who had given me sword lessons on several occasions.
There was no mistaking that he held one of the highest ranks, even within the Order of Holy Knights.
A man such as that was chatting cordially with father, not even rebuking him for his horrible words.
That fact caused my small mind to shake violently.
—How...? Why...? Knights were supposed to be more...
They were supposed to be noble and magnificent, weren't they?
At least... didn't the Order of Holy Knights, the clearest symbol of the Chief God's authority, have to be people that everyone ought to respect?
And yet... I could see no trace of that ideal in the man, who was as slovenly as father, his collar open and pouring wine into his mouth.
At the very least, it was a state I could not possibly believe was in accordance with the teachings of the Chief God, which repudiated excessive drinking.
"But it seems they repaid my favor with the most grievous harm. And here I had intended to treat them well because they did good work, for commoners."
"A ring of flowers on your daughter's finger... was it? Quite a smart thing to do, for a commoner."
"...!"
—At the broadly grinning man's words, I almost raised my voice in spite of myself.
It wasn't as if I had made any particular secret of it.
Most of the people on the estate knew that I played with El in my free time, and for the several days since my return from the flower garden, I had always been wearing the ring.
But the man wasn't a resident of the estate; he shouldn't have known about that.
Still... the man was speaking as if he already knew all about it...—
—What could it... mean...?
Judging from the circumstances, the reason he knew was that father had told him.
But why would father have needed to tell him that?
The answer was already lodged in the base of my throat, but it wouldn't come out, almost as if my heart was refusing to acknowledge it.
A frustration as if I were on the verge of completing a puzzle, but a single piece short, was causing my breathing to become ragged.
—No... I can't stay here...!
If I stayed any longer, I would end up admitting something I didn't want to admit.
If that happened...
I didn't feel confident that I could remain who I had been until now.
At least, there was an instinct screaming that inside me.
And yet I showed no sign of moving, as if my feet had been sewn to the floor.
My gaze was flitting back and forth between the two of them again, and it seemed I had no intention of turning back.
"It's not a laughing matter. I've heard that Wilmarina didn't even appear to be annoyed by it... I feel terrified just thinking about what could have happened if I had been any later in taking steps."
"Ha ha ha. Girls around that age want a little adventure. They soon realize that it was a youthful indiscretion."
"I should hope so... After all, if she doesn't, there would have been no use driving out those rats."
—... Huh?
My thoughts came to a sudden halt at those words.
Feeling as if my whole body were frozen in time, I tried desperately to digest father's words.
As I tried to explain the meaning of "rats" and "driving them out" to myself simply, the two men before my eyes raised their voices in cordial laughter.
The moment I felt a somehow ugly and, moreover, physiological revulsion, I finally realized that it was because I had been close with El that that wonderful family was driven out.
—It was my... my... fault...?
If I hadn't pridefully continued to wear the ring, no, rather...
If I hadn't exchanged rings with him that day... it might never have come to this.
Such an "if" revived in my mind.
I definitely didn't want to acknowledge that possibility.
I didn't want to admit it, but... it didn't seem likely that father, drunk as he was, would deliberately tell a lie.
—If I hadn't... gotten close with El... then surely...
Surely father wouldn't have driven his parents out.
There wouldn't have been any need for them to run around searching for work, either.
If nothing had gone wrong, their next generation would have been ensured employment as well.
That they had been chased out was all my... my fault...—
—No! ...Noo!!
My heart wailed, not wanting to admit the truth in front of my eyes.
And yet, strength completely refused to enter my body.
Even though I wanted to run away, even though I wanted to stop up my ears and eyes and shut out everything, I continued to watch the situation inside the room in a daze, strength still refusing to enter my limbs.
Even the strength to continue standing left my legs, and I slumped to the floor of the cold corridor with a thud.
"Well, at least with this, the relationship between your daughter and that boy has cleanly fizzled out. And next..."
"I suppose so. I'll have to make certain that Wilmarina is surrounded on all sides by those befitting the Noscrim family."