There are days when being a sentient toilet with magical sperm doesn't seem so bad. Sure, you get the occasional ghost trying to drain your life force or a band of marauding adventurers mistaking you for a normal bathroom fixture, but for the most part, life's been manageable. But then… there are days like today.
I was resting in my room at a quaint little inn, a rare moment of peace after a long day of adventuring. Nixie and Ursha had gone off to gather supplies, leaving me to enjoy the luxury of… well, doing nothing. No haunted outhouses, no seductive ghosts, no ridiculous brawls, just me, some soft candlelight, and the gentle hum of the tavern downstairs.
Of course, that's when things went sideways.
The door to my room creaked open, and I immediately tensed. I knew that sound, and it wasn't Nixie or Ursha. There was a soft rustle of fabric, the subtle patter of footsteps, and then I saw her.
It was her. The succubus. She slipped into the room, her dark eyes gleaming in the dim light, her body wrapped in a revealing silk lingerie that left little to the imagination. Her figure was perfect in the way only a supernatural seductress could achieve, curves in all the right places, long flowing hair, and an air of sensual danger that made my porcelain tank tremble.
"Hello again, Jake," she purred, her voice like honey, dripping with desire. "Did you miss me?"
I tried to roll backward, my usual tactic for escaping awkward situations, but I found myself pinned against the wall. The succubus was already approaching, her hips swaying with an almost hypnotic rhythm, her eyes never leaving mine.
"I… I don't think this is a good idea," I stammered, knowing full well that this conversation was headed nowhere productive.
The succubus smiled, a wicked, seductive smile that made it clear she wasn't here for small talk. "Oh, Jake," she whispered, her fingers lightly tracing the edge of my porcelain frame. "You've been avoiding me, but we both know why I'm here."
I gulped, well, if toilets could gulp, I would have. Her touch was electric, sending shivers through my entire body. My porcelain appendage was already starting to glow faintly, the magical energy inside me stirring to life despite my best efforts to resist.
"You don't have to fight it," she continued, her voice dropping to a low, sultry purr. "We both know how powerful you are. And I want… all of that power."
She pressed herself against me, her soft curves molding to my ceramic form. Her silk lingerie shifted with her movement, revealing even more of her perfect skin, and I felt a surge of magical energy pulse through me. My porcelain penis began to glow brighter, and I knew I was dangerously close to releasing.
"Wait, wait!" I tried to protest, my wheels squeaking as I struggled to find an escape. "This isn't, "
Before I could finish, the succubus's hands slid lower, wrapping around my glowing appendage with a touch that was both gentle and insistent.
Her lips gently brushed against the tip and before I could protest her mouth had enveloped my throbbing member and proceeded to lower herself all the way down to the base. My inner liquid bubbled with shock and pleasure as she began to suck.
She moaned gently as she continued to work my member, her tongue expertly licking the tip before her cheeks sucked my shaft and drew me that much closer to the edge. She looked into my eyes and smirked devilishly as she bobbed her head up and down even faster.
Her fingers traced every inch, and I could feel the tension inside me building to unbearable levels. I was practically shaking with the pressure now, my magical energy begging to be released.
"Just let go, Jake," she whispered, her breath warm against my lid. "Give me what I want. I need your magical sperm… and I know you want to give it to me."
I could feel the moment coming. My porcelain penis was glowing so brightly now, I was sure it could light up the entire room. The pressure was too much, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop what was about to happen.
She stuck out her tongue and placed it just below the tip as she awaited her prize. She moaned louder with a tone of need and desperation.
With one final stroke, I released.
A surge of magical energy exploded from within me, flooding the room with light. The succubus gasped as the power poured into her mouth, her body trembling with the intensity of it. For a moment, I thought she might explode, or at least pass out from the sheer force of it, but instead, she only seemed to grow stronger.
Her skin glowed with the same magical light, her body pulsing with energy. I could see her eyes widen in shock as she realized what had just happened. She pulled away and choked from the overwhelming amount of magical sperm she had just chugged.
"Infinite," she whispered, her voice awed. "You have an infinite supply… of magical sperm."
I stared at her, still trying to process what had just happened. "Wait… what?"
The succubus's expression shifted, her lips curving into a satisfied smile. "You're even more powerful than I thought," she purred, her hands still resting on my porcelain frame. "No one else could ever satisfy me the way you can. I need you, Jake. Forever."
Before I could respond, she crawled towards me and began stroking me again, her eyes filled with adoration. "Marry me, Jake," she begged, her voice trembling with desperation. "Let me be yours. No other man could ever give me what you have."
My lid practically slammed shut in shock. "Wait, what?!
Just then, the door burst open with a loud crash. Nixie and Ursha stormed into the room, both of them taking one look at the scene and immediately springing into action.
"Oh, for the love of, " Nixie groaned, marching over to grab the succubus by the arm. "Not this again."
Ursha, looking thoroughly unimpressed, stepped forward with her axe. "Back off, lady," she growled. "Jake's not marrying anyone, especially not a succubus who drains him dry."
The succubus clung to me, her eyes wide with desperation. "No! He's mine! No one else can have him!"
Nixie and Ursha exchanged a look before yanking the succubus away from me, despite her protests. She struggled for a moment, but seeing that resistance was futile, she fixed me with one last longing gaze.
"I'll never love another," she vowed dramatically, her voice filled with passion. "You are the only one for me, Jake. One day, you will be mine."
With that, she vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving behind nothing but the faint scent of sulfur and a lingering sense of confusion.
The room was finally quiet after the succubus's dramatic exit, but the awkward tension still hung in the air. I was left sitting in the middle of the room, my porcelain body still glowing faintly from the recent surge of magical energy, while Nixie and Ursha exchanged knowing glances.
"So," Nixie said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at me, "you care to explain how you keep finding yourself in these situations?"
I tried to say something, anything, but really, what could I say? I was a sentient toilet with infinite magical sperm. There was no way to explain my life without sounding utterly ridiculous.
"Hey, it's not my fault!" I protested. "She just showed up, and I tried to stop her, but… well, you saw what happened!"
Ursha sighed, leaning on her axe. "Jake, we've got to talk about your taste in women. Or at least figure out a way to keep these creatures from throwing themselves at you. First the nymph, now a lovesick succubus? What's next, a vampire queen?"
I shuddered at the thought. "Let's hope not."
Nixie chuckled, shaking her head. "Well, whatever it is, I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. But for now, we've got other things to worry about. Remember? We've got that adventurer's conference we're supposed to attend in town."
"Oh, right," I muttered, grateful for the distraction. "The conference. Maybe that'll be more… normal."
The adventurer's conference was being held in a massive guild hall in the center of the nearby town. From the moment we arrived, it was clear this event was going to be anything but normal. The streets were packed with adventurers of every type, gruff, scarred warriors, mages dressed in elaborate robes, and rogues lurking in the shadows. Everywhere I looked, there were people boasting about their latest exploits and comparing scars.
As we approached the entrance to the guild hall, a large, bearded adventurer with a scar running across his face blocked our path. He looked me up and down, his lips curling into a sneer.
"What's this?" he growled, jabbing a thumb at me. "A toilet? You're telling me this thing's an adventurer?"
Ursha stepped forward, her hand resting on her axe. "You got a problem with that?"
The bearded adventurer glared at her, but he clearly wasn't interested in picking a fight. With a grunt, he stepped aside, letting us pass. "I'll be watching you, toilet," he muttered under his breath as we walked by.
Inside the guild hall, the scene was just as chaotic as the streets outside. Adventurers of all shapes and sizes crowded around the massive tables, shouting over one another as they exchanged ridiculous stories and even more ridiculous advice. A group of seasoned warriors stood near the front of the hall, giving what appeared to be a lecture on "how to survive in the wild."
We took a seat near the back, hoping to blend in and maybe pick up some useful tips. But it didn't take long for me to realize that this was going to be another one of those days.
"First rule of adventuring," the lead warrior declared, pounding his fist on the table for emphasis, "never wear armor. It slows you down and makes you a target! Real men fight bare-chested!"
Nixie snorted into her drink, clearly trying to hold back laughter. "Did he just say, "
"Oh, it gets worse," Ursha muttered, rolling her eyes.
Another adventurer, this one a grizzled rogue with an eyepatch, stepped forward. "If you ever come across a dragon, don't fight it. Challenge it to a drinking contest. Dragons love ale. They're suckers for it."
At this, Nixie couldn't contain her laughter any longer. She burst out laughing, drawing the attention of several nearby adventurers. "A dragon… a drinking contest? Are you serious?"
The rogue glared at her. "Hey, it worked for me. I'm still alive, aren't I?"
Ursha was already shaking her head, clearly regretting coming to this event. "This is ridiculous. These people are going to get themselves killed with this kind of advice."
I groaned, trying to sink lower into my seat (which, of course, wasn't easy for a toilet). "I can't listen to any more of this. I'm leaving."
I rolled toward the exit, hoping to slip out before anyone noticed, but of course, nothing in my life is ever that simple. As I neared the door, a group of gruff adventurers blocked my path, each one glaring down at me like I'd personally insulted their entire guild.
The leader of the group, a towering brute with a beard that looked like it could house a family of birds, stepped forward. "Where do you think you're going, toilet?"
I tried to stay calm, knowing that getting into a fight with a bunch of overgrown, muscle-bound idiots was the last thing I needed. "Just… trying to leave, actually."
The brute crossed his arms, smirking down at me. "Oh, so you think you're too good for us, huh? Think you can just walk out of here and ignore the advice of real adventurers?"
I glanced around, hoping that Nixie and Ursha would come to my rescue, but they were still sitting at the table, apparently too amused by the terrible advice to notice what was happening. Great.
"Look, I don't want any trouble," I said, trying to back up. "I'm just, "
Before I could finish, one of the adventurers grabbed the back of my porcelain frame, lifting me off the ground. "You ain't going anywhere, toilet. You're going to sit there and listen, whether you like it or not."
I was about to protest when, suddenly, the brute's grip slipped, and he dropped me, hard, onto the floor. My glowing porcelain appendage flashed brightly as I hit the ground, and the adventurers stepped back, startled by the surge of magical energy.
"What the, " the brute growled, but before he could finish, the entire room erupted into chaos.