"This may be too much for me-" Alex locks eyes with the tiny baby boy, an instant connection between them.
"No… I can't give up yet…" Alex stands up and slowly rushes to the kitchen. The wind howled outside as Alex fumbled through the cabinets, the sound of the baby's cries still ringing in his ears. His fingers brushed over rough wood as he pulled open drawers, the cold metal of the cabinet handle sending a shiver up his spine. Everything felt too loud, too bright, like the world had become hyper-focused on this one impossible moment.
"Anything?... anything at all??" Alex opens a cabinet and his heart exclaims, a small, half empty bottle of baby food in the cupboard over the stove.
"It's not much, but it's a start until I can buy something more at the store tomorrow" Alex exhales and sits on the couch, silently feeding baby Emma. His eyes are slightly heavy from being tired.
"Man… this is real…?" He never imagined he'd be in this position—holding a baby, feeding him, calming him. Just hours ago, he was unpacking jeans and thinking about tomorrow's responsibility pressed down on him, heavier than any burden he'd carried before. But somehow, it didn't feel wrong.
Alex rises to his feet and walks to the door, rocking the whimpering Emma in his hands as he opens the door.
"I'm so happy that 'Door Dish' exists…" Alex grabs the several bags of baby diapers, food, and clothes. Turning around and putting Emma on the counter with a blanket under his back to make it slightly softer. Emma squirms on his back like a fish on land.
"How do I…" Alex gulps and clenches his teeth as he slowly goes step by step through a youtube tutorial on how to change a baby.
The sharp scent of baby powder filled the air, mingling with the sour odor from the diaper. The wipes were cool and slightly damp against his fingers as he awkwardly cleaned Emma, the video still talking calmly about the next step as if this were easy.
Emma let out a tiny whimper, then a full-on wail, his tiny fists clenching the air as Alex tried to get the diaper on.
"Oh no, don't cry, I'm almost done!" Alex fumbled, trying to secure the diaper, but Emma's squirming legs kicked it loose again.
"Work with me here, buddy…" Alex's eyes darted between the screen and Emma, trying to pause the video while Emma squirmed.
"Wait, wait! I'm not at that step yet!" He fumbled with the diaper, his hands shaking, the tutorial already moving to how to burp a baby.
"Why is this so complicated?!" Emma's tiny feet kicked at the air, sending the half-fastened diaper askew.
"Whoa, whoa, okay, buddy, work with me here," Alex muttered, trying to catch Emma's wiggling legs.
"This isn't going to work," Alex muttered, staring at the diaper he'd barely managed to secure.
"I'm not cut out for this." The weight of those words settled in, heavy and cold. Could he really do this? Was he really the right person to take care of Emma? Alex puts a clothespin on his nose from the smell. The diaper wasn't anywhere near perfectly put on Emma.
"It's not perfect… but it works… I'll get the hang of it eventually-" Alex takes a second look at his job on the diaper, but it's worse than the video by a lot.
"I'm not cut out for this at all" Alex exhales silently and wraps Emma up in the blanket again. How could he be? Just hours ago, his only worries were interviews and unpacking boxes. Now, he had a baby relying on him for everything. What if he messed up? What if he couldn't handle this, and Emma ended up worse off than before? His stomach twisted with the weight of it all. Alex turns to the sleeping Emma and releases a long exhale.
"Why's changing diapers so hard?... I don't think I'm ready for this… but I can't bear the thought of Emma potentially being put into a home similar to mine growing up…"
"Why's changing diapers so hard?... I don't think I'm ready for this… but I can't bear the thought of Emma potentially being put into a home similar to mine growing up…" Just as Alex finished his thought, Emma let out another tiny whimper, shifting in his sleep but not fully waking. Alex froze, his breath catching in his throat.
"At least he's asleep now," he muttered, almost afraid to move, as if the tiniest sound would send Emma back into a full-blown crying fit. Alex gently adjusted the blanket around Emma, his fingers brushing over the baby's soft cheek. A tiny hand grabbed onto his finger in sleep, making his heart tighten unexpectedly.
"Okay, maybe I can do this… one step at a time."