She stares at the plate. It looks tasty. The chicken looks juicy and the rice is fluffy. She digs in slowly after saying a grace of gratitude for the food.
"Usual?"
Pan nods. She is a simple girl with a simple taste. Hainan chicken rice will always be her go-to meal. It's light, simple, tasty and healthy.
"Why did you never tell me about Shu?"
Pan drops her cutlery.
Too bad for her, even how simple she is, her life is complicated. Unlike her and her preference.
Pan's eyes shift to Cray. The man hangs his chin on his palm and stares at her. A cup of Americano seems untouched because ever since the drink arrived at their table, the lid has not been open yet.
"Is it important for you?"
"Yes."
Pan sighs. She smacks her lips a few times. Sipping her lemonade to wash her throat a bit.
"I think I would rather keep my personal life a secret," she replies.
"Even from your friends?"
Pan nods. She looks down, playing with her fork.
"Why?"
"Because it's complicated. And, I'm not ready to answer any questions about Shu," Pan simply replies without hesitation. "Besides, I wanna protect my family. The less people know about them, the better," she continues.
"It's unfair for Shu. I mean, you seem like you wanna hide her from the public,"
"If you suggest that I am ashamed to have a daughter at such a young age, then you're wrong. I'm doing this for her own good," Pan's note is getting serious.
"What about her father?"
She puts her cutlery again, this time, for good.
"I know I'm asking too much-" Cray softly grabs her hand. "But, I just wanna know you more. You do realize that I'm pursuing you now. So, I wanna know everything," he watches her earnestly.
Pan sighs. She pulls her hand carefully. Looking down at her shoes.
"You have a problem with me having a kid?"
"No... I just want to make sure that her father will never interfere between us,"
"He has his rights as Shu's father no matter what. Whether you like it or not, eventually, he will be a part of our life," says Pan.
"So, you still keep in touch with him?" Cray's inquiry makes Pan halts for a while. She frowns, trying to jumble words so it won't look awkward.
Finally, she nods her head in faint.
"I don't know how to explain, but yeah, we still talking to each other. Before this, we're not. But, now we do," says Pan.
Hearing her makes Cray turns bitter.
"I hope it's all about Shu and nothing else," he says.
Pan gives the man a deathly stare.
"Don't tell me you're jealous,"
"Yes, I am."
For that, the table falls into a deep silence.
"I am a straightforward person. If I said, I'm jealous, I am jealous. I won't conceal it. Even though I'm only in a talking phase with you, I'll do everything to show you how serious I am," Cray finally speaks his mind after a long pause.
Pan held a huge sigh. She looks bummer but there is no much response coming from her.
"I'm sorry, Cray, if I ever hurting your feelings..."
Cray grabs her hand again, this time it's even tighter.
"I just want you to see how serious I am with my feelings for you."
Pan nods. She gives him a faint smile.
"Let's continue eating, okay?" Cray pushes Pan's plate closer to her. He takes a look at the lady who slowly enjoys her meal with a slight worry on his face.
Whoever Shu's father is, I'll make sure he won't come between us! Ever!
***
Zee stares at the picture in the book that he holds. His fingertip brushes the surface that seems a little bit old. Then, he reads the paragraphs on the paper behind the picture.
THE DAY WHEN THE HEAVEN BLESS US.
It's like a thunderous word for him.
Meeting with Aye Yi opened his eyes wide. Making him reflect himself in the meantime. A man who used to be a walking red flag towards a woman that he loves.
How can Zee fix the wound that he caused?
Ta's words dance in tune towards his heart. He was right. No matter how much Zee loves Pan, he has no right to stop her or hold her captive. She has her rights of her freedom to do whatever she has to. They were history and even if history repeats itself, still, Zee has no rights to Pan's life.
He slams the book off. Keep it inside his drawer. Fingers dance on the surface of the side table, reaching for his phone. He holds the gadget for a second before he starts dialing.
"What do you want?"
The caller coldly answers him.
"Just a rain check,"
"Now, you're checking on me?"
Zee sighs.
"I just wanna know if you're okay," he says.
"I'm fine."
"Pan, I... Miss you..."
Silence.
"That's unexpected, Senior Zee..." the caller sounds a bit anxious.
"You might forgetting something, Pan.."
"What is it?"
Zee inhales deeply before he continues.
"Happy anniversary, Pan..."
***
Pan sighs once she enters the room. Yara is already drifts into the dreamland. The dinner with Cray is nice, but after the conversation about Shu, the journey back home seemed a bit dull between them.
As she is about to reach her towel and ready to take a shower, her phone rattles on the table. She checks the caller and frown. But, she doesn't refuses to answer.
"What do you want?"
The caller coldly answers him.
"Just a rain check,"
"Now, you're checking on me?"
Zee sighs.
"I just wanna know if you're okay," he says.
"I'm fine."
"Pan, I... Miss you..."
Silence.
"That's unexpected, Senior Zee..." the caller sounds a bit anxious.
"You might forgetting something, Pan.."
"What is it?"
Zee inhales deeply before he continues.
"Happy anniversary, Pan..."
Pan chokes. She looks at the calendar on her table. Suppress her tears as hard as she can. She glares at Yara, who sleeps soundly in bed, just next to her bed.
"Hmm..."
"I'm sorry for what I've done to you. I know, I'm not a good man, unlike Cray, or Aye Yi," Zee's voice sounds bleak and almost mute.
"Stop comparing yourself with others. All humans aren't perfect," says Pan calmly. Slowly, she wipes those tears that fall from her eyes.
"If God gives me another chance, I don't think I wanna get back to you..."
"Why?" asks Pan.
"No matter how many times I get chances, I don't think I can make you happy. I don't know if I can change. My love to you, sometimes it drives me crazy. Even now, you're not mine anymore, still, I find it hard when I see you with another person," Zee softly utters those words.
Pan shuts her eyes tight. She is holding her sobs until she feels like her chest almost explodes.
"When you left, we have bad blood. And that haunts me throughout the years,"
"Why didn't you stop me?" Pan asks.
"I knew I was wrong. That's why,"
Pan sobs silently.
"I'm sorry..."
"I wish you could've stopped me that night. But, come to think of it, I don't know if things will get better or worse if you did," says Pan. She fixes her voice and calm herself.
"Since we depart in a bad way, should we... Depart for good?"
"What do you suggest?"
"We fought last time. Now, I think, we should talk it out and, maybe, we can end things in a good way."
Pan bites her lips and sighs.
"Fine. Let's end things in a good way, so we'll have a clear mind," she agrees.
Zee prepares himself to be heartbroken once again.
"I just want you to know... Even in other universe, even in the afterworld, even in any circumstances, I won't stop loving you, Pan. You're the best thing that ever happened in my life. I'm sorry for the bad treatment. And, for that, I'll let you have your own way.."
The emotion escalates. Mixed feeling that is unspeakable. Broken. Hurt. Devastated. Even more hurtful than the last time. Those words, stabbing both hearts, piercing even more deeper.
And, bloodier.
Pan wipes her unending tears. She sobs between breathe, can't even hold her sadness anymore. This is a goodbye, for good. A door is close when the other door is wide open. She can't process how hurtful it is to gain the freedom. At the same time, it's like a dagger that tears her life.
"Can we still be friends?" Pan asks. She braces up, muster her courage and braveness so she won't give up in the middle.
***
Zee keeps Pan's question unanswered. He takes a deep breath while staring at the picture.
"Sure! We can do that. I'm your senior by the way but, yeah... We'll do that," he snickers between tears.
"As a friend, you're actually not that bad. Even though as a senior, you kinda like strict..."
"That's my job. I have no choice, or people will take me for granted," Zee replies.
There is a pause for a moment. They recollect their feelings silently.
"Let's be friends, Zee..." Pan utters some words after a long silence. Zee lets the last teardrop flows from his eyes, wipe it in vigorous move and inhales deeply.
"Hmm... Let's be friends..."
After a while, the call ends.
Zee stares at the picture, caging his sadness inside. He feels somehow relief that things between him and Pan finally ended in a good way. Although, deep down inside, he feels sad to let her go.
I'll keep those memories tight, Pan. Although we are friends now, I will never forget my love for you...
Zee closes the book, and hug it with his dear life.