This year has really been a fucking rollercoaster. I've never felt as unhappy as I have in this season—it's like it broke me in ways I wasn't ready for. Yeah, there've been happy and exciting moments, but something still doesn't feel right. It's like most of my friends just forgot I existed, and now, it's me reaching out first, which has never been the case before. I know it ain't over 'til it's over. I know I need to turn the page and find a new path. I even get that hard times create strong men, but damn... it's just tough.
When I moved out of my apartment, I managed to save a lot of money, but that was never the issue. I started hunting for a new place, found some spots I liked, but these fuckin' rent prices? They're absolutely insane. Let me break it down for you: One apartment was charging $1,325 for rent, and that sounds reasonable, but then they lost me with all the extra bullshit fees:
- Internet and TV package for $229
- Parking? $100
- Package delivery via their required package center? $45
- You pay for your own lights, gas, and water, which ranges from $120 to $250
- Valet trash service? $75
Then they had the audacity to say you gotta make 4x the rent, pay a $300 application fee, $250 admin fee, $65 amenity fee, and a $1,800 security deposit. When I added all that shit up, I realized I'd be paying somewhere between $1,959 and $2,400 a month, and just to move in, it could've been $4,309 or more! All those bogus-ass fees for an apartment that wasn't worth more than $900, tops. And people have the nerve to blame inflation or COVID for this mess? I'm not buying it.
I was ready to move in by July 20th because I'd been using my mom's timeshares as a temporary solution ever since I moved out. It worked for the shows I had booked, but after seeing how these places were just ripping people off, I wasn't having it. The whole situation was straight-up bullshit.
At this point, I started reaching out to friends. These are the same friends I've been there for—whether they needed financial support, a place to crash, or just an ear when shit hit the fan. I've given them my time, energy, and space, and now, when I needed them, they weren't there for me. It's not that I don't talk to them anymore, it's that I don't talk to them 'as much'. That's a painful truth I had to face—one-sided relationships, where I was giving and they were taking. It's like when I was no longer useful to them, they couldn't be bothered. But here's the thing: I know God is bringing new people into my life, people who'll add to me instead of just taking away, and He's also keeping the real ones around—the ones who push me to grow.
Then there's Laidy. She's one of those people I've bent over backward for—her and her two girls. I'm not going to drop their names here, at least not in this book, but maybe you'll see them on the big screen one day. The girls started calling me their godfather, which hit different. That's love, and honestly, better than just being 'Uncle.' At the time I'm writing this, they're 11 and 13.
Laidy, though... She's been through some shit, and she's got two kids, so I get it, life isn't easy for her. But she offered me to move in with them to help her with rent, and I wasn't about to jump into that unstable situation. She doesn't even have a stable apartment—she's hopping from place to place. She's got more than enough money to keep herself straight, but that's not my story to tell. What I will say is, she was with this guy, Giant. I never liked him, not from the day I met him. She knows I can read people—I've literally saved her life from abusive relationships before—but it's like she never learned. But her story is her own, she can write that if she wants. I'm here to tell mine.
One day while I'm at my mom's timeshare, DCF (Department of Children and Families) calls me from Orlando. Laidy is in some shit, again. She's got medical issues, and there's a bunch of drama. They ask if I can take care of the girls for a week. Now, I'm not gonna lie, part of me wanted to say no. She's bailed on me countless times, so why should I keep showing up for her? But the girls... they don't deserve any of this. I love them, and I want the best for them, so I said yes. Took them to the timeshare with me. Luckily, it had enough kids' activities to keep them busy while I worked.
After that week, they went back to their mom, but my savings took a hit. And of course, Laidy promised to pay me back. Guess what? I still haven't seen a dime. She's got a whole new DCF case going on right now, but luckily, the girls aren't with me this time. There was a point when I needed money, not much—just a couple hundred dollars—and I figured, who better to ask than someone who 'owes me thousands'? But wouldn't you know it, the minute I asked, her bank account suddenly had 'fraud issues.' Ain't that always the way?
She got evicted from her last apartment, though that's on her. I'm not getting into that, but then she had the audacity to ask if she could use my mom's timeshare for free. Absolutely the fuck not. My mom's got discounts and points, but it's still something we pay for. Plus, my mom knows of her, but not like that, so no, you don't just get to use her timeshare. Now, she and the girls are hopping from hotel to hotel until she finds a new place, and I think she's in the process of getting one.
But here's the kicker—this situation with Laidy made me realize something: some of my friends only show up when they "need" me. They're always full of excuses when I need them, always some reason they can't be there. I'm done with that. If you can't keep the same energy when I'm in need, then we're not real friends.
Then you have my friend Charlotte. At one point, I thought we were best friends. In the beginning, we did a lot together. Her mom kicked her out because Charlotte was a total party animal. I'm talking, she knew "every" party, every event, and she was connected with a ton of people in the city. I thought that could be beneficial for growing my business, but as usual, Charlotte wasn't really there to help promote it.
She crashed at my place for two or three weeks, couch-surfing and living her best life. You'd think that with us being so close, she'd be there for me when I needed her, right? Wrong. Once she got stable—got her new apartment with her new roommate, Matt—it's like I didn't exist anymore. She would only hit me up when she needed something or wanted a favor. Other than that? Radio silence. And my mom definitely felt some type of way about it. She wasn't harsh, but she always said, "Watch how your friends treat you." She wasn't wrong.
Charlotte had met my whole family. When I graduated from college, she was staying with me at the time. My mom, grandparents, cousins—they all came down for the graduation, and even Charlotte and another friend, Elijah, crashed at my place. I lived right across the street from campus, so it was convenient for them. My family stayed at the timeshare instead of my one-bedroom apartment, but we all celebrated together. Back then, Charlotte and I were pretty close.
But after she moved into her new place, things changed. She forgot about me. She'd call if she needed a ride or a favor. Sometimes she'd give me five or ten dollars for gas—other times, she wouldn't have anything. And it's not like I haven't gone out of my way for her. I once drove all the way to Miami at 2 AM because a guy she was dating left her stranded. I dropped everything and went to save her. I even got us a hotel, and we hung out for a couple of days. It was fun, but I had to go back to work. She wanted a ride to Orlando, and, of course, she didn't have much of a choice but to come with me. This wasn't an isolated incident. Charlotte doesn't have a car, and her license was revoked—that's her story to tell, though.
She even tried working for the studio at one point, but that didn't last long. She was lazy and kept saying that her ADHD was holding her back from showing her full potential. I tried to motivate her, work with her on it, but it didn't pan out. We got into a fight and didn't talk for a couple of months. That one stung, though. We were really close at one point, but we definitely drifted apart. Now? We talk occasionally, but it's clear: Charlotte wouldn't help me if I was in a tight spot.
At one point, I told her I was thinking of moving out of Florida, maybe to Georgia. That's a five-hour drive from Orlando and even longer from Miami. I love driving, so it wouldn't have been a big deal to me, but Charlotte wanted me to stay in Florida. She made it sound like she wanted things to go back to how they used to be. But honestly? We haven't even hung out much since she moved out. So, I'm not really sure why she cares so much about me staying.
Orlando has kind of become home for me in a way. Work is going well, everything is steady, but something about my relationship with Charlotte feels off. I don't know where it's going from here. Maybe it'll get better, maybe not. Only time will tell.
Then you have Sydney. Before I met Cindy, Sydney was the person I'd go to whenever I needed someone to knock some common sense into me. She's been a great friend, but Sydney's also been really sick with a disease her doctors can't figure out. I pray she gets better and healed. Despite all that, she's always had my back, and her family loves me. When I got in that car accident, 2 ½ hours from home, Sydney's parents drove out to get me. Sydney was at work, but even then, she was checking in on me every day, making sure I was alright, especially when I was in the hospital and going through therapy.
She's the kind of friend I trust with my life. She has a key to my mailbox, storage unit, and even had a key to my apartment. She's been my safe person, the one I know would be there if something went down or I was out of town. I appreciate that more than she knows.
Lately, we haven't been talking as much. I know she cares, and I know she's probably going through her own personal battles, but I just wish we talked a little more. If she's reading or watching this, I want her to know I appreciate everything she's done for me. We've been there for each other equally, and I thank her for that. I just miss the closeness we used to have, but at the same time, I know she's still got my back, even from a distance.
Then you have fucking Kalianah. Don't even get me started on this bitch—but for the story, we're gonna get me started. I met her on Facebook Dating. She was another one of those dating flings that turned into a friendship. On some real shit, me and Kalianah were on FaceTime literally every day. Her mom hated my fucking guts, but let me just say, Kalianah is white—so are Sydney and Charlotte. I forgot to mention that, but I'm bringing up Kalianah's race so that the rest of this part makes sense.
The first time I met Kalianah's mom over FaceTime, she said, "You're a nice chunk of dark chocolate, and I love it." That made me so damn uncomfortable, but being the professional that I am, I played along and said, "I appreciate it, Ms. Stephanie." Her dad seemed okay, but I definitely got mixed vibes from him, like there was some low-key racism going on. Me and Kalianah didn't even try to make a relationship out of it. From the start, we just knew we were gonna be friends.
We talked every day. She used to live in Florida, but when times got tough, she moved back to some small-ass country city in Texas that nobody knows about. Despite that, she wanted to work for the studio and had a bit of creative potential, so I figured, why not give her a shot? She wasn't great at sales, but she had some ideas here and there.
At one point, she brought us this coffee shop that wanted help with marketing. It was near an RV park, so apparently, it was popular with RV life folks. We thought it was a new client opportunity, so we did a few Zoom meetings with the coffee shop owner. But then, the owner started ghosting us—emails, phone calls, the whole nine yards—and would only communicate with Kalianah. Weird, right? But it is what it is.
Then, Kalianah came to Florida for a conference and wanted to stay with me. I was cool with it. She said she'd help me rent a car since mine was totaled (we'll get into that later). So, after her conference, she stayed with me for a few days, and we hung out. It was cool… until she got back to Texas and started acting distant. Like, out of nowhere, she wasn't talking to me as much. I felt some type of way about it, but I brushed it off.
I introduced her to Sydney and Charlotte, and I even made a group chat for the three of them. At the time, they were the people I told everything to. But Kalianah started acting weird, barely communicating with me. My mom and I do a winter trip every year—snowboarding, skiing, snow tubing, all that. So, I invited Kalianah to come with us. She was so excited, like someone had just proposed to her. My mom booked the timeshare and the ski resort, and we planned it all for February 2024, about four months away.
My mom also invited her to New York for Christmas. She was excited for that too, especially since she didn't want to be with her family for the holidays. I thought it'd be fun to have a new face around, since I'm kinda tired of seeing the same damn faces every year.
But a few days before Christmas, as my mom is cleaning up the house and I'm packing my bags to fly home, Kalianah bails on us. She blames it on her mom, and then—just like that—she stops talking to me entirely. No explanation, no reason. Nothing.
In the aftermath of our fallout, the situation with Kalianah left me feeling unsettled and confused. Despite the growing distance between us, Kalianah maintained communication with Sydney, which only added to my bewilderment. Sydney reassured me that Kalianah claimed I wasn't the problem, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something off about that explanation. It was hard to reconcile the disconnect with the fact that Kalianah had stopped talking to me entirely while still keeping in touch with my mom and friends.
The oddest part was Kalianah's continued interaction with my mom. Despite her complete withdrawal from our friendship, she kept up communication with my family. It felt strange and disingenuous, especially when she had stopped responding to me. I didn't block her or cut her off entirely, but the lack of clarity and the mixed signals were disheartening.
When I confided in my mom about the situation, she revealed that she had suspected something was amiss but chose not to say anything to avoid hurting my feelings. I appreciated her support but felt more frustrated as I processed the betrayal. The emotional impact of losing a friend I once considered close was significant, but the additional layer of financial issues only compounded the stress.
Kalianah had promised to repay me for a rental car and other expenses, but her payments were sporadic and insufficient. She claimed to be financially struggling, working at a low-wage job with a difficult manager. Despite her promises to send $100 every time she could, the amount she repaid was far from what was owed. On top of that, she still had studio equipment that I needed back. I reached out to her about returning the equipment and settling the debt, but the responses were evasive and unfulfilling.
The financial aspect became a significant issue when Kalianah's debt to me, including a broken computer and an iPad she returned, remained unresolved. I eventually had to turn the debt over to a collections agency, which also failed to recover the funds. As a result, I wrote off the loss on my business taxes, which was an added blow.
Despite occasional brief conversations, the subject of our deteriorated relationship was never addressed directly. Kalianah avoided discussing what had happened between us, leaving me with unanswered questions and lingering resentment. Her continued claims of caring for me contrasted sharply with her actions, reinforcing the sense that she had moved on without any genuine resolution or closure.
At one point, Kalianah revealed that she had feelings for me. This admission came at a time when I was already feeling uncertain about our friendship and was in the midst of planning a move. I was planning to leave my apartment and was considering getting a roommate. Given that Kalianah was also planning to move back to Orlando, it seemed like an opportunity to explore where things might go between us. We agreed that we could move in together and see how our dynamic evolved.
My mom, while not entirely supportive of the idea, accepted that this was my decision and was willing to go along with it, given that Kalianah was my friend. Despite this, Kalianah's sudden decision to bail on me only deepened my sense of confusion and betrayal. The timing of her withdrawal, especially after expressing her interest in living together and potentially developing our relationship, left me with lingering doubts.
I couldn't help but wonder if I had done something to drive her away or if there were underlying issues that had not been addressed. The abrupt end to our plans and the lack of clear communication only fueled my suspicions and made the whole situation feel even more unsettling. It was as if her actions contradicted her previous statements and commitments, leaving me questioning whether our potential for something more had been genuine or just another facade.
I found myself questioning whether Kalianah had ghosted me because I hadn't expressed similar feelings toward her. It was puzzling that she had confided in Sydney before talking to me directly. Sydney was the one who told me that Kalianah liked me and that she wanted to see where things could go between us.
The fact that Kalianah chose to share her feelings with Sydney first, rather than with me, made me feel even more confused. It left me wondering if her decision to pull away was somehow related to my lack of a reciprocal declaration of interest. I was left in the dark about what had really transpired and what had caused the rift between us. The uncertainty about whether my own feelings—or lack thereof—were the reason for her sudden withdrawal only added to the frustration and pain I felt.
In the end, it felt like another friendship had crumbled, leaving me with a mix of anger, confusion, and sadness. Kalianah's actions, or lack thereof, made me question whether she ever truly valued our friendship or if I was just another person she discarded when it became inconvenient.