In this new chapter, I'm laying it all out—the conversation I had with God about everything. It's been heavy on my heart, and it was finally time to take it all to Him. I've had plenty of late-night talks with God before, but this one felt different. It wasn't just venting or asking for guidance—it was me finally surrendering all the confusion, pain, and questions I had been holding on to.
I started by talking to Him about all the people I've lost, the ones who walked away, and the ones I felt I couldn't reach anymore. Kalianah was at the center of it at one point. I asked Him straight up, "What did I do wrong? Was it me? Did I miss something?" There's this part of me that's always wondering if I was the reason she distanced herself, if my failure to acknowledge her feelings was the breaking point. But God didn't answer with blame or guilt—He just reminded me that some things can't be forced, that some people come into our lives for seasons, and not every connection is meant to last forever.
Then I talked to Him about my circle. How it got smaller, how the ones who stuck around were the ones I needed. I thanked Him for the people like Sydney, My God Sister, and even Cindy, who have been consistent, even if from a distance. It was in that moment that I realized God was keeping the right people around, even when I felt abandoned. He wasn't letting me drown in the loss—He was shifting the focus to those who matter, the ones who bring light instead of confusion.
If you know me, you know I drive a lot. Whether it's for fun, for work, or just to clear my head, I'm on the road constantly. Sometimes it's for extra money, doing Uber or DoorDash, or driving down to Miami to see my god sister, but lately, I've been turning these long drives into something more. I've been using that time to spend an hour with God—just me, Him, and some gospel music. It's become my way of talking to Him, asking for answers, and finding some peace. I know I need to start praying more and having deeper conversations with Him, and slowly but surely, I'm learning how to do that.
I sat there, thinking about how many times I tried to fix things on my own—fix people, fix relationships, fix situations that were probably never mine to mend in the first place. It hit me that I need to trust God more, let Him handle what's outside my control. I told Him how tired I was, not physically, but mentally and emotionally, from trying to carry it all.
In this talk, God reminded me that it's okay to release it. It's okay to not have all the answers. It's okay to not have everyone like me or stay by my side. He asked me to trust His plan, even if it means walking away from people who I thought would be there forever.
This conversation wasn't about getting immediate answers or solutions—it was about peace. It was about laying down the weight of rejection, betrayal, and confusion, and trusting that He's guiding me exactly where I need to be. And maybe, just maybe, the peace I've been chasing can be found in letting go and letting God take over from here.
There have been times when I've felt like God isn't hearing me. I've prayed for a lot—for my business, for personal growth, and for things I've really wanted, like seeing my company blow up or having my book or movie take off. Sometimes, it feels like God gave me all these talents but is keeping them hidden. I come up with creative ideas that no one else would think of, and it's left me asking Him, "Why am I not where I want to be yet?"
But as I've gotten older and started to grow closer to God, I've begun to realize that everything happens in the right season. My business has unique plans and ideas that competitors wouldn't even dream of, and deep down, I know God is working on something big behind the scenes.
My mom once told me, "Sometimes we need to take a step back to launch bigger, better, or even faster." She used a toy car as an example—the kind you have to pull back until it clicks before letting it go. She said the car can't move forward until it's pulled back, but when it does take off, it goes fast and keeps going until it needs another launch. Ever since she said that, it's stuck with me. I've started to see this moment in my life as my pull-back season, preparing me for the big launch that's coming.
Lately, my social media feeds have been flooded with Christian and God-related videos. It's like everywhere I scroll, there's something about faith, prayer, or people sharing their testimonies. At first, I thought it was just random, but now I'm starting to think it's more than just an algorithm thing. Maybe it's God's way of trying to get my attention or remind me to stay connected. It's been making me reflect more on where I'm at spiritually and how I need to dive deeper into my relationship with Him.
I don't usually talk about God with my friends, even though I probably should since the Bible tells us to share our faith. But for whatever reason, I decided to bring it up with Cindy. I was visiting her, and we were both just chilling on her couch when a gospel song came on. I turned to her and said, "I need to get closer to God and start praying more." She surprised me by saying she had already been doing it on her own, trying to strengthen her relationship with Him. I didn't tell her, but hearing that definitely motivated me to work on my relationship too.
Kaliannah also inspired me in a similar way. For someone who seemed so close to God, she'd still let a cuss word slip here and there. I remember when she was staying with me, I woke up one morning to find her up early, praying and reading her Bible. I couldn't help but think, "Well dang, she's really about it."
It's funny because there was a time when Christian videos would pop up on my feed, and I'd just scroll right past them. Even when my mom would send me some, if they were too long, I'd move on to something more interesting. But at some point, I decided to stop and actually watch them. Yeah, some of them were boring as hell, but I still tried to understand what was being said. Something inside me had shifted, and now, I'm trying to be more open to those messages.