MISHA
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She said her favorite song was Moth to a Flame, did she realize it was the song I was ice skating when we met two weeks ago? Did that fueled her anger at me back then? Or was it the reason why she stayed and sat down for long enough for me to make the questions?
Even if it ended with her losing her temper.
Will Emma talk to me after this about the letters? Zoe Maud did low key mentioned them earlier, not directly but it was underlined, and Emma will totally understand it. Or will she keep quiet because she also want to keep that a pristine memory between us, and not to bring it up near Rosa?
It's a bit underwhelming and it hurts, I'm not going to lie, but I'm not going to press it.
Sure, I love her a lot. But more than anything I want her to be happy and to chose what she wants, who she wants. Does it break my heart she avoids the letters she wrote me and isn't wanting me, or choosing me, like I would chose her over any other girl? It fucking does.
However one-sided love hurts, don't they?
Ah, my Emma, she's probably freaking out internally now, because of her damned sister. How could Zoe even press her like this? That's not cool. Emma will tell everyone when she's ready, damn it.
She didn't press my brother, why is she pressing her sister? Since when does she know? More importantly, how does she know?
I didn't say a word, Rosa and Emma definitely didn't either.
"Mia," zia Anna held her right hand tenderly, "Can I make you a question? It's not about your papa, don't worry."
Zoe Maud's shoulders relaxed instantly, "As long as I can answer it."
"Did you date anyone while you were in MIT?" What?
We all gasped to the question, turning to her.
But she didn't even blush at it, not even a little anxious giggle, "No. I never dated anyone, mama."
"But have you ever made out with a boy in there?"
Now that question made her blush, though she kept the straight face, "No."
Zia Anna blinked, "You've never kissed anyone?"
"While in MIT? No," she pressed her lips together.
"And before?" Papa narrowed his eyes.
"Not then either," she scoffed. "Come on, I was 12 when I left. I had better things to worry about rather than kissing a boy just for the sake of doing it. And in MIT, at first I was just focused on studying, plus, papa would never let me kiss a guy in there, so, no. And then, after he passed, I never really had thought to any other boys like that, even if they were somewhat cute, they all looked bland and unattractive to me."
Wait...
Zoe Maud, at 20 years old, has never kissed in her life?
I get that she never dated, or had sex, but not even a little kiss?
Dio santo, what a sad life.
Especially when she has such pretty lips that look so soft. It's a crime that she never had a little taste of what good. Even though I kept loving Emma, I had many flings, initially just for kisses, and then for sex, because I have strong needs.
But to think Zoe Maud, of all people, never kissed and is a virgin at 20… This is beyond crazy. I always thought she had some flings around there, even though we pushed all the guys away from her, there's always a way.
"You are a virgin?" Emma gasped. "And never kissed?"
Her sister didn't even spare her a glance, "That's what I said. I have no desire to waste my firsts or any of my time at all, in those I harbor no feelings for, not even attraction. I'm a one-men-only type of girl. You can think it's silly or stupid, or whatever you want, I don't care. We only have one life to waste our time with people who aren't meant for us."
To think she was the superstitious type, I'm baffled. I mean, sure, she ain't wrong, but she wasting her life away like that. We never know how long we'll live, so we should take all chances and live all we can for as long as we have.
"When I marry, I want the death do us part to be real, I don't want to fall down along the way, and end up divorced, because I married someone else I loved in the moment, for not waiting for the right person that was the owner of my heart the whole time. That's where we diverge. Me and you all."
"You have a mindset that allows you to live in the moment, I'm unable to do that, I'm unable to take what appear in front of me. I'll only take what I want. If it's anything other than that, then I do not want it. What is to be mine, will be mine, even if it takes 10, 20, 30 years or more. Even if it only happens in my last day alive, it will happen."
Now that they served dinner, she took a sip of the wine in her left glass.
"Call me delusional if you want, I don't care, because you do not see the world the same way I do. I see things ahead, I worked hard to graduate early, to possess all I wanted as early as possible, so I wouldn't need to fight for it in my late twenties. I wanted to have a stable career and life on my own, aside from the empire of the Santorini. I already knew I was going to be an engineer and take care of papa's security company when I grew older."
"He's been teaching me his skills since I was old enough to read. None of you had aptitude for tech, coding, even less for hacking, but I did. I have aptitude for literally anything I decide to do, it's a pro of being a prodigy. I do not take it for granted, I know I was born privileged and that it's an uncommon situation, so I embraced every opportunity I had to grow smarter than I already was."
She elegantly took a good portion of creamy tagliatelle with spiced onions, twirling the fork on the spoon, and then ate it. We ate it too, waiting for her to finish what she was saying. Then she took a sip of the pomegranate with strawberry juice her nonna made sure to prepare for her, because it's her favorite.
"It would be a waste of my skills and abilities, if I accepted my IQ and potential for granted, and didn't force myself to the maximum of my abilities. I did not want to be a nepo baby, who's only rich because she was born with a gold spoon stuck up on her ass. Sure, that made it possible for me to be able to afford such an early education, but that was not what I wanted. I didn't want to be a parasite, only taking, taking, taking, taking, taking the money my paternal and maternal ancestors worked so hard to get. It would be disrespectful."
Zoe Maud ate another portion, then drank a bit of her juice.
"I wanted to make a significant difference in someway," sigh. "I told that to papa, because all of you could only call my efforts as me being arrogant and trying to show off. Saying I was already good, that I didn't need to try harder just to humiliate you. It was always the same thing. When we played, when I passed the kids in school, when I prepared for college when they were in school. I didn't give my best to get into all the universities I did just to prove you that I could do it. I did my best because that all I know how to do, because I wanted to see if I really had the potential or if I wasn't as much of a genius as people said I was."
I swallowed. Guilty beginning to creep inside of me, burning my throat.