The first time I noticed something was off was probably back in kindergarten.
Was it just me, or were there a lot of girls?
When I was eating lunch in the Yuri class, I was always surrounded by girls. I didn't really think much of it; it just felt normal. But during playtime, for some reason, they would fight over me. That all changed when Hiroshi-kun joined our class in June of the year I was in the middle of kindergarten.
I thought he was really cool in my childlike way. Hiroshi-kun was super popular with all the girls in the kindergarten. Even the moms of my friends and the teachers were all crazy about him.
Meanwhile, I was busy making mud balls with Kouta-kun from the Bara class, who was also left out. The trick was to let them dry in the shade until they were rock hard and then polish them with a cloth. If they didn't dry enough, they would crumble, and that was such a bummer. I could never match Kouta-kun's craftsmanship, though.
I mean, how did those mud balls shine like that? It was truly a master's skill. I'll follow you for life, Master!
So, being free from the girls, we had a great time in kindergarten. Thanks, Hiroshi-kun. Even your occasional smirk and that condescending look you gave me are treasures.
Even after we moved up to elementary school, Hiroshi-kun's popularity didn't fade. Back when I was nervously entering my first-grade classroom, a cute girl with a ponytail sitting next to me said, "I'm so happy we're in the same class! Let's be friends forever!" The next day, she was suddenly in Hiroshi-kun's class.
It's fine to sigh and say, "Why am I not in the same class as Hiroshi-kun?" but I don't think it's cool to give me that side-eye and then bury your face in your desk.
The class assignments weren't my fault.
But this class has a lot of girls too, or maybe not enough boys? Out of forty classmates, there are only five boys. There are three first-grade classes, but with one hundred five girls and only fifteen boys, isn't that a bit off?
When I asked my mom at dinner, she said that's just how it is now. I also asked our homeroom teacher, Ms. Miho, and she explained that there used to be women who never married and ended up single, which led to a one-to-three gender ratio. But with advances in medicine, like in vitro fertilization, the number of single mothers increased, and now we have this situation.
I didn't really understand all the complicated terms, but when I asked, "Are you single too, Sensei?" she forced a smile and started grinding her teeth, so I didn't dare ask more.
When I told Kouta-kun, who ended up in the next class, he looked at me kindly and said, "You're still the same, huh?" I wonder why he said that?
According to Kouta-kun, in families where people are married, there's an adult man called "Dad." I've never seen one.
Kouta-kun said he's seen them on TV. As expected of my master, he's quite knowledgeable.
I thought about asking my mom, but just saying "marriage" made her start drinking beer without even cooking dinner. She kept shouting things like, "What's so great about being a man? Is having a chest really that important?" I wonder if something happened to her in the past? More importantly, I'm starving...
School life is pretty fun, you know? Thanks to Hiroshi-kun, who charms all the girls in our class, the older girls, the teachers, and even the PTA moms, us boys get to have quite a bit of freedom.
Our latest craze is a version of tag where if you get caught, you become the tagger too. The last person left is practically chased down like in a zombie apocalypse. The older boys, who were calm at first, now chase us like the Namahage, which is super scary.
Well, being energetic is a good thing.
By the way, what is "Biohazard"?
Do I sometimes feel like this?
Anyway, I was having a great time during summer vacation in fifth grade. Kouta-kun and I were competing to see who could finish their shaved ice first, and while I was writhing in pain from a sharp ache in my head, I suddenly thought...
Wait, did I just reincarnate?
*
Back in first grade, it was tough, especially with the boys in Hiroshi's class.
Every recess, the girls from other classes would swarm in.
By lunchtime, the older girls would join in, making it feel like a packed commuter train or a bargain sale.
The girls in our class would get annoyed or feel superior about those other girls.
Meanwhile, the boys in our class were pretty much invisible.
Well, given that situation, when I invited them to play tag, they were super excited.
They kept grumbling, "I was the center of attention in kindergarten," but I was in the same kindergarten as Hiroshi, so that kind of thing happened all the time, right?
How many times have I been left behind on the bus without anyone noticing?
Do you know how hot it gets inside a car in the middle of summer? It's hotter than a sauna, you know?
I really survived all that.
It felt a bit cruel to be harsh on those boys, so I talked to the older guys, and they gave me some really nice advice with big smiles.
They said, "Those girls are like wild beasts!!"
All the older boys from the fourth to sixth grade nodded seriously, but I wondered what had happened. Come to think of it, there seemed to be fewer older boys around?
Apparently, when girls hit puberty, their approach towards boys becomes intense, leading to excessive contact and sexual harassment, causing boys to become truant or withdrawn. This has become a nationwide issue, and even in the Diet, they're talking about guys who don't want to get married.
The older boys said that just recently, they were living like gazelles surrounded by lions in the savanna, but Hiroshi's arrival changed everything.
Now, during recess, the girls break into groups to talk about Hiroshi. They bring snapshots (isn't that kind of like stalking?) and discuss which angle looks best or how they can't get enough of his pensive profile.
By lunchtime, almost everyone disappears, and peace is just wonderful.
But the boys in our class (except for Hiroshi) are really struggling with the girls' advances.
They said, "We're at our limit!!" So I suggested, "Why don't you come to our class? It's empty during recess," and after looking dumbfounded, they hugged me tightly.
You don't have to thank me while crying; was it really that tough?
So, while we were playing tag during recess, a third grader named Koichi suddenly shouted, "Regular tag is boring!" and it turned into a multiplication-style tag game.
By the time the Golden Week was over in May, this became the standard game, and somehow, it turned into something people posted on social media. Then, a few kids who were truant or shut-ins started joining in… what's up with that?
Weren't you all cowering at home?
Why are you jumping over the fence to come here?
Even while gasping for breath, you're smiling from ear to ear; are you a weirdo?
With all that going on, by the time summer vacation was approaching, it had turned into a huge event with almost all the boys participating, but being chased by ninety boys from the whole school is nothing short of terrifying.
I'm just a first grader, a little kid!
But I won't let anyone take away my title as the king of escape!!