Chereads / Trials of the Junsui / Chapter 45 - Depression and Rage (1)

Chapter 45 - Depression and Rage (1)

Silence fills the Elite Junsui Hunter Force dorm as the previous activity dies down. Everyone remains quiet as the door shuts behind Tahno, who has just walked out in a fury. Even Gunther, who is normally quick to diffuse tense situations like these, finds himself unable to say a thing, instead choosing to continue hugging Lili, who still sits on the floor. She's no longer crying, but she's silent and won't look anywhere but down at the floor, especially not at Mai.

Mai, however, won't stop looking at her, desperately wanting to say something and comfort her, but she's not sure what to say. What can she say after saying such terrible things that she wishes she hadn't meant, but she's not sure she can? If she's being honest, she's really not sure why she's so fixated on Lili—be it for love or simply the desire to protect her. She just knows that she's never been angrier or more confused than she is now.

Nik sits up with his fists clenched and teeth gritted, thinking about how unfair Tahno's punishment is. Finally reaching his limit, he starts to take his anger out on Noah, whom he blames the most.

"What the hell, Noah? I mean seriously, way to ruin everything for us all because you had to thaw the ice queen. Mai is always calm, cool, and collected, which is why she has that name, but you just had to screw it all up by pissing her off! For what? To prove you were right about something that's none of your business? In fact, now that I think about it, this whole damn thing is kind of your fault because you—"

Noah, who had gone back to listening to his music, sits up with renewed anger and shouts, "Because I what? Because I was bleeding out and on the brink of DYING, and the only way I could save myself was to transform. Because I became an out-of-control monster that almost killed us all? Is that what you were going to say? If so, you should really think about your role in all of this because I'm pretty sure you were the one screwing around during your fight. What I did was just the cherry on top of a situation that was already messed up before it even got started because we're a shitty team—or not a team, actually!"

"Well, whose fault do you think that is, Mr. Team Leader? Last I checked, it was the General's fault if his unit was not up to the required standard since it was his job to manage it. So maybe you need to reevaluate your own performance before critiquing ours or give it up as you obviously can't handle it."

"Give it up to who, you Mai? You'd love that, wouldn't you? Honestly, I think you've been resenting the fact that Tahno gave the position to me and not you because you think you're more capable than I am."

"I am more capable than you, but that's not my point at all. I'd have no problem following you if I felt like I could really call you my leader, but I can't because you've done nothing but tolerate us all these years. You say we're an exception, but the truth is we don't really mean any more to you than before."

"You know; she has a point, Noah. I always liked to think that I was the first person to ever become a real friend to you, but honestly, I've started thinking that I was kidding myself all this time. I mean, yeah, we joke around, but most of the time, I feel like your jokes are your true feelings that you just try to cover up with laughs. I don't think you'd ever risk your life for me, and, thinking about it in all honesty, I wouldn't do that for you either. I do think you're a cool guy, Noah, but I really don't see you as a true friend and definitely not my leader. If anyone should be leader of this team… well, I think it'd be me."

Noah almost feels a tinge of pain at Nik's harsh words, but he immediately stifles it and finally lets go of restraint, no longer holding back his true feelings. "Wow, Nik, I never thought you'd turn on me that quickly. The fact that you think our friendship has been a lie all this time is sick but thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I don't have friends for just such reasons because they are never true. They pretend to be loyal, but then as soon as the opportunity arises, they stab you in the back and try to take what's yours. That's why you befriended me, isn't it? You were just waiting for the day when you could sneak in and steal the leadership position from me. It's no secret to any of us that you think you're the best leader of all; you try to order us around all the time, especially during training. I just never objected because, honestly, you were doing me a favor. I never wanted to be bothered with this leadership shit in the first place; I only did it for Tahno's sake. But you know, I don't give a shit about Tahno right now or any of you fakers. You don't want me to be your leader? Fine then, I'm out. You and Mai can fight each other to the death for it, for all I care. Have at it. Maybe I can be rid of both of you, pains in my ass!"

"I don't want your position; I'm not interested in being a leader of anyone. I'm only here to do as I'm told and follow orders. Nik can have it if he wants, but don't think for a second I'll like you. I'll follow your commands just as I did Noah, but I won't worship you."

"Aw, how honorable of you. Just like the good soldier they've trained you to be. You're the poster child of this entire academy and the council's agenda. You'll surely make them proud. Congratulations, Nik, looks like you've got the job. I'll tell Tahno I'm out first thing in the morning." He grabs his coat and starts toward the door, finally influencing Gunther to say something.

"Noah, what are you doing? We're not supposed to go anywhere, remember? Tahno said so just now."

"Oh, I hadn't heard, Gunther. Thanks for the update." The sarcasm seethes through his teeth, causing Gunther to look down in embarrassment, much to Nik's disapproval.

"Yo! Don't be a dick to my roommate! Unlike you, he's a real friend that I can actually count on."

"That's great, then why don't you go start your bromance already? We all know you like to put out."

Nik's eyes go wide at Noah's harsh jab, and Noah almost wants to take it back, but his pride refuses to do so. Nik goes silent and then stomps off toward his bedroom, with Gunther quickly following. Noah knows that Nik has struggled ever since he publicly came out as gay to fit in and definitely to find interested guys. The few that he has managed to discover are either complete jerks hiding in the closet or man-whore who know he's pretty "easy" and take advantage of that. The worst thing is that Nik knows these guys are using him, but he so desperately longs for true love that he lets them in the hopes that one day he'll find "the one." Despite how aggressive Nik is on the outside, inside, he's probably the most sensitive of them all, even Gunther, who's often perceived as the flamboyant gay one until they see his harem of girls who follow him everywhere he goes. They really are an odd duo, as their outsides completely contradict who they truly are inside. It's actually very fascinating to see.

"Wow, way to hit below the belt, Noah. Careful, your inner demon is showing. You'll be found out."

"Fuck you, Mai! At least he's honest about it. Better than living a lie and in denial." Noah's anger flares once again, and he finally makes his way to the door but stops when he feels a tug on his shirt.

"Where—where are you going, Noah? It's late, and we're not supposed to leave the academy after 8, even to go outside on the grounds. You'll get in trouble with Tahno and the council too. So please—."

"Jesus, Lili!" He snatches his shirt from her grip. "Just stop it already with your goody two-shoes attitude. I can't deal with it right now! I'm sick and tired of always having to comfort you and boost your confidence. Don't you think four years is more than enough time to move on already? I know it sucks to have your body violated in such a way, but it should be clear that not every guy in the world wants to assault you, no matter how cute you think you are. Don't you ever think about the nuisance it is to me every time you come to my room? Every time I have to do my best to control myself from beasting out on you? You had no idea, right? Yeah, that's because I've been stifling the urges to ravish you and tear you apart. None of you know what it's like to smell your blood every single day and not take a bite out of your neck or just to stay in control of this THING inside of me. So please forgive me if I want to get away for a few moments!" Noah finally notices the tears in her eyes, invoking Mai's wrath.

"Hey, don't you talk to her like that! Who do you think you are? How could you say such terrible things? I guess we know how you've really felt about it all this time. You were doing it to "help her," you said? This isn't helping her; this is destroying her! It may not be my place, but as her roommate, at least I have to look out for her. So I'm taking the initiative to call things off. I won't let you touch her again."

"Oh you don't have to worry about that, I'm done, we're done. She's all yours." He rushes out, leaving them to their own devices.