The bathroom door crashed open with all the subtlety of a battering ram, nearly tearing itself from its hinges. Ursula burst in, with conflicting emotions - suspicion, anger, and a hint of something darker lurking beneath the surface. The scene that greeted her, however, was far from what she'd anticipated.
There, in the tub, sat Ned and Tinsley. Fully clothed, thank the gods, but looking for all the world like two children caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Tinsley's giggles echoed off the tiled walls, and Ned pretended to act normal.
His sharp instincts had bought them a split second to put on their clothes.
"Rock... paper... scissors!" Tinsley declared, throwing out a scissors to Ned's paper.
Ned groaned, shoulders slumping in defeat. "That's seven in a row. How are you doing this?"
"Magic," Tinsley replied with a wink before noticing their unexpected visitor. "Oh, hello, Ursula! Care to join our little bathtub tournament?"
Ursula's eyes narrowed, darting between the two of them. The relief that flooded her system at not walking in on something more... compromising... was quickly replaced by a different kind of irritation. "What in the bloody hells is going on here?"
Ned forced a smile that looked about as genuine as a counterfeit coin. "Ursula! Fancy seeing you here. We were just, ah... engaging in some friendly competition. Care to join us?"
The scowl that creased Ursula's face could kill. "Join you? Join you? Oh, that's rich coming from you, Ned. First, you're off signing your precious autograph on Atara's boobs behind our backs, and now you're playing bathtub games with Tinsley? Tell me, do you have a schedule for when you'll deign to give each of us a moment of your oh-so-valuable time?"
Tinsley, never one to miss an opportunity to pour oil on the fire, blew a loud raspberry in Ursula's direction. "Sounds like someone's jealous they didn't think of bathtub rock-paper-scissors first."
"Tinsley," Ned hissed, "not helping."
Ursula's face flushed a dangerous shade of red. "Jealous? Jealous? I'll show you jealous, you little-"
"Now, now," Ned interjected, struggling to his feet in the slippery tub. Water sloshed over the sides, soaking his boots. "Let's all take a deep breath, shall we? There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this."
"Oh, this ought to be good," Ursula sneered, crossing her arms under her mountain sized tits. "Go on then, regale us with your tale of how you accidentally ended up playing childish games in the bath with Tinsley."
Ned cleared his throat, tugging at his collar. "Well, you see, it all started with a harmless game of truth or dare..."
"Truth or dare?" Ursula's eyebrow shot up so high it threatened to disappear into her hairline. "What are you, twelve?"
"I'll have you know," Tinsley piped up, "that truth or dare is a time-honored tradition among assassins and spies everywhere. How else are we supposed to uncover each other's deepest, darkest secrets?"
"By torturing them like normal people?" Ursula suggested dryly.
Ned winced. "Right, well, as I was saying... Tinsley here challenged me to a game of truth or dare. And, foolishly perhaps, I accepted."
"More fool you," Ursula muttered.
"Indeed," Ned agreed. "Anyway, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was being dared to play rock-paper-scissors in the bathtub. And, well..." He gestured helplessly at their surroundings.
Ursula's scowl, if anything, deepened. "That's still two games, Ned. Two. And not a single one with me."
"Well, technically," Tinsley chimed in, "rock-paper-scissors was part of the dare, so it's really just one game with two parts. Like a particularly fun contract killing with multiple targets."
"Not. Helping." Ned gritted out.
Ursula's hands clenched into fists at her sides. "Oh, I see how it is. Tinsley gets truth or dare and rock-paper-scissors. Atara gets both her boobs autographed. And what do I get? A nice view of you two idiots splashing about in the tub like overgrown toddlers!"
"Now, Ursula," Ned began, adopting what he hoped was a soothing tone, "there's no need to-"
"No!" Ursula cut him off, jabbing a finger in his direction. "You don't get to 'Now, Ursula' me, Ned. I want in on this. I want my own game of truth or dare with you. Right now!"
Ned blinked, taken aback by the vehemence in her voice. "I... well, I suppose we could-"
But Ursula was already storming out of the bathroom, leaving a trail of muttered curses in her wake. The door slammed behind her with enough force to rattle the mirror on the wall.
Silence reigned for a long moment. Then Tinsley let out a low whistle. "Well, that could have gone better."
Ned slumped back down into the tub, sending another wave of water over the edge. "You think?"
"Oh, come on," Tinsley grinned, clearly enjoying the chaos she'd helped create. "Where's your sense of adventure, Ned? This is exciting! Dramatic! The stuff legends are made of!"
"Legends of what?" Ned grumbled. "The world's most pathetic love... square? Pentagon? I've lost track of how many sides this shape has."
Tinsley patted his arm consolingly. "Look on the bright side. At least she didn't walk in on me exploring those massive veins on your cock. You're such a stallion!"
Ned groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Small mercies."
"So," Tinsley said brightly, "best nineteen out of thirty-seven?"
Before Ned could respond, the bathroom door flew open once more. This time, it was Raine who stood framed in the doorway, her expression a mixture of confusion and amusement.
"What in the name of all that's unholy is going on in here?" she asked, taking in the pair in the bathtub. "And why is Ursula stomping around the house muttering about 'bathtub betrayals'?"
Ned and Tinsley exchanged a glance. "It's... a long story," Ned said wearily.
Raine's eyes narrowed. "Does this have anything to do with why she just challenged me to a duel of truths and dares to determine Ned's true favorite?"
"Oh gods," Ned moaned. "This is it. This is how I die. Not in glorious battle, not peacefully in my sleep, but drowned in a bathtub surrounded by angry women."
Tinsley, ever helpful, raised her hand. "I vote we turn this into a group activity! Raine, care to join us for some wet and wild truth or dare?"
Raine considered this for a moment, then shrugged. "Why not? It beats listening to Ursula plot our collective demise in the other room." She started to climb into the already overcrowded tub.
"Wait!" Ned protested. "Don't we need to discuss this? Set some ground rules? Establish boundaries?" For all he knew, he was going to be molested by two women, right about now.
But his pleas fell on deaf ears as Raine settled in, sending yet another splash of water onto the bathroom floor.
"Right then," Tinsley said, rubbing her hands together gleefully. "Let's spice things up a bit. Ned, truth or dare?"
Ned looked from Tinsley's mischievous grin to Raine's expectant face, then to the door where he could still hear Ursula's muffled ranting. He sighed deeply, resigning himself to his fate.
"Dare," he said, against his better judgment. "But nothing involving leaving this tub. I have a feeling if Ursula sees me wandering the halls in this state, she really will kill me."
Tinsley's eyes glittered with an unholy glint. "Oh, don't you worry, Ned. I have plenty of ideas that don't require us to go anywhere."
***