Laura
I woke up the next morning with a heavy weight pressing down on my chest. Sleep had been fitful, broken by dreams of Jake and the woman on his lap. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw them together, her fingers running through his hair, their lips locked like I wasn't even part of the world anymore. It was an endless loop of heartbreak, and I didn't know how to stop it.
I rolled over in bed, staring at the ceiling, knowing I couldn't keep feeling this way. I had told myself and Arlene that I was done with Jake, that I would bury my feelings and move on, but saying it was one thing. Actually doing it was a completely different story. I couldn't just turn my feelings off like a switch.
The images of him kissing that woman, the rumors about his secret life, the betrayal, I needed to talk to someone about it. I needed to process it in a way that made sense, or else I was going to lose my mind. That's when I decided to call Dr. Evans, my therapist. I hadn't seen her in months, ever since I started working with Jake. Things had been going well enough that I thought I didn't need therapy anymore. Clearly, I was wrong.
I made the call before I could talk myself out of it, and luckily, she had a cancellation for later that afternoon. As much as I dreaded opening up about everything, I knew it was necessary. I didn't even tell Arlene about everything, I just told her I had walked in on him with another woman, I didn't tell her about the secrets I discovered. She wouldn't have judged me, if anything, she would side me firmly and probably confront him and fight on my behalf…
But then, I couldn't keep spiraling like this. If I was going to make good on the promise I made to myself to focus on work and move on, I had to deal with all this first.
Jake had given me the day off so I got dressed as usual and made straight for therapy.
When I arrived at Dr. Evans' office, the familiar scent of lavender and eucalyptus immediately calmed me. The soft, muted colors of her waiting room were the same as they always were, and it made me feel like I was walking into a safe space. It was a refuge from the chaos in my mind.
She greeted me with her usual warm smile when she opened the door to her office. "Laura, it's so good to see you again. Come on in."
I smiled back, though it was half-hearted at best. "Thanks, Dr. Evans. It's good to be here."
As I settled into the comfortable chair across from her, she sat down with her notepad and looked at me expectantly. "So, what's been going on? You seemed pretty urgent on the phone."
I took a deep breath, unsure of where to even begin. Everything had been piling up in my head for days, and now that I was sitting here, it felt like it was all about to come pouring out at once. "It's… a lot. I don't even know where to start."
She nodded, her expression patient and understanding. "Take your time. Start wherever you feel comfortable."
I hesitated for a moment, then decided to rip the Band-Aid off. "I found out that Jake, the guy I've been seeing at work is involved with someone else. They've been together for years, and apparently, they might have a daughter. I'm not sure though, it's a rumor. There are even rumors that they're secretly married."
Dr. Evans raised her eyebrows slightly, but she didn't look surprised. She just listened, letting me continue.
"I walked in on him with another woman yesterday," I went on, my voice growing shakier the more I spoke. "She was sitting on his lap, and they were… well, they were kissing. Like, really kissing. And the worst part is, she yelled at me for barging in, like I was the one in the wrong. And he just sat there and did nothing. He literally watched her bark at me."
I paused, swallowing hard as I fought back the tears that were threatening to spill over. "I've been feeling like an idiot ever since. I thought there was something real between Jake and me, but clearly, I was just a fling to him. He has this whole life I didn't even know about."
Dr. Evans sat back in her chair, nodding as she processed everything I'd said. "That must have been incredibly painful for you to witness, Laura. It sounds like you've been carrying a lot of heavy emotions around since then."
"Yeah," I said, laughing bitterly. "You could say that."
"And how are you feeling about it now?"
I took a deep breath, trying to put my feelings into words. "I feel… humiliated. And betrayed. I let myself believe that there was something real between us, and now I just feel stupid for thinking that. I was too easy, you know? I let him get too close too fast, and now I'm paying for it."
Dr. Evans leaned forward slightly, her gaze sympathetic. "Laura, I want you to be kind to yourself here. You didn't do anything wrong. You opened up to someone because you thought there was a genuine connection, and that's a brave thing to do. The fact that Jake misled you, that's on him, not you."
I nodded, trying to absorb her words, but it was hard to shake the feeling of self-blame. "I guess. But it just feels like I've been a fool this whole time. And to make matters worse, I'm starting to feel paranoid about my ex-husband, Jackson."
Her eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Paranoid in what way?"
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I thought I saw him the other day. On the bus. But when I looked again, it wasn't him. I don't know… it just freaked me out. He hasn't been in my life for years, but seeing someone who looked like him brought all these feelings back."
"What kind of feelings?" she asked gently.
I hesitated, trying to sort through the jumbled mess of emotions in my head. "Fear, mostly. You know how things were with him. Jackson wasn't a good guy, Dr. Evans. Our marriage was… well, it wasn't a healthy one and you know that too. Sometimes I'm scared he's going to show up again, even though there's no reason for him to. He definitely thinks I'm dead by the way."
She nodded, scribbling something down in her notepad. "It sounds like you're still not over him and you're giving him more power over you than it's necessary. So it's understandable that you'd feel a sense of fear when something triggers memories of him."
"Yeah," I murmured, staring down at my hands. "I guess it just reminded me of how easy it is for someone to hurt me. First Jackson, now Jake… it's like I'm constantly putting myself in situations where I get taken advantage of."
Dr. Evans was quiet for a moment, letting my words sink in. Then she spoke, her voice calm and reassuring. "Laura, it's important to recognize that you're not to blame for the way other people have treated you. Yes, these relationships have hurt you, but that doesn't mean you're destined to keep getting hurt. You're allowed to set boundaries. You're allowed to protect yourself."
I nodded, though it felt like a difficult concept to grasp. "I don't know how to stop letting people in."
"Part of it is about trusting yourself," she said, leaning forward slightly. "Trusting your instincts, recognizing red flags early on, and giving yourself permission to walk away when something doesn't feel right. You've already started that process, you've made a pact with yourself to focus on your work, to move on from Jake, and to prioritize your own well-being. That's a huge step."
"I guess so," I said quietly.
"I know so," she corrected, offering me a small smile. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, Laura. You've been through a lot, and yet here you are, taking control of your life and your future. That's not an easy thing to do."
Her words brought a small sense of relief, though the heaviness in my chest still lingered. "I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to keep getting hurt."
"And you won't," she assured me. "But it's a process. Healing takes time, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. For now, focus on the things you can control, your work, your goals, and your happiness. You've already made the decision to move on from Jake, and that's a powerful choice. Stick with that."
I nodded, feeling a little more grounded. "You're right. I need to stay focused on myself."
"That's right," she said. "And if those old fears about Jackson or anything else resurface, remind yourself that you're in control now. He's not a part of your life anymore, and you have the power to set boundaries with anyone who tries to overstep."
I left Dr. Evans' office feeling lighter, like a small weight had been lifted from my shoulders. She had a way of making everything seem so clear, like the pieces of my life could finally start falling into place if I just kept moving forward.
As I walked home, I replayed her words in my mind
"I'm stronger than I give myself credit for." It wasn't going to be easy, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had a plan. A real plan to take back control of my life...