My mental state was deteriorating. I kept imagining that Mona and I were still together, and when I woke up from the fantasy, I couldn't stop thinking about dying. CoCo was already dead, and I felt I wasn't far from death either.
I was seeing a psychiatrist, undergoing all kinds of treatments, but none of them worked. My body was gradually decaying.
Another year passed, and Qingming Festival arrived. I was still alone. The silent nights were sleepless, and I couldn't live without various medications, like a walking corpse.
Qingming Festival was here. Every Qingming Festival before this, Mona would accompany me to visit my parents' graves.
I held two bouquets of chrysanthemums, ready to visit my parents, but unexpectedly, I ran into Jeff.
He was dressed in black, as if he had just finished paying respects to someone, his face full of sorrow.
In my daze, I heard my own voice, weakly asking,
"Jeff, who are you here for?"
I feared his answer.
I didn't wait for his answer because he just stared at me, as if he wanted to punch me to death, but didn't I feel the same way?
From the moment he appeared between Mona and me, I had wished for him to disappear. I hated his smile and his actions. I hated everything about him. But I couldn't because Mona liked him a lot.
But why? After taking Mona away from me, why couldn't he treat her a little better, just a little better? I blamed everything on him. He was the reason for all of this. If it weren't for him, Mona and I would be the happiest people in the world.
I rushed to the grave and saw something I couldn't accept. Next to my parents' graves, on the left side, was CoCo, and to the left of CoCoMona.
I looked at Mona's bright smile in the black-and-white photo, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I punched Jeff, and he fought back. But because of my recent poor mental state, my body was no match for him. I was only driven by anger and unspeakable regret as I vented my pain on Jeff.
"Didn't you say you'd take good care of her? Why did Mona end up like this? Is this your care?"
I punched his face again and again. It was this face that took Mona from me. I hated this face. I hated myself even more. Why wasn't I braver? Why didn't I make Mona stay, even if she didn't want to?
But even if I had to tie her up and forced her to stay, even if she would hate me for the rest of her life.
But at least Mona would still be alive, right? As long as she was alive, it didn't matter if she hated me.
"Do you think it's because of me that Mona ended up like this? It's all because of you!"
"Because of me?"