Javi
"PUSH LOVE, YOU CAN DO IT"
She is in labor, and I can't be more sensitive and emotional. She is holding my one hand and the other one has Tristan's fingers interlaced
Her face was swollen red and smeared in the sweat from the bone-breaking pain, her whole body might be wrecking, saluting every single mother out there.
Beads of sweat fell from the corner of her ears and her forehead was creased, her eyes were rimmed red from her excessive crying, her hairs were tied loosely, and she was looking so beautiful. She is giving birth, it is magical, her organs are already giving up, and it takes the strength of a whole ass human body to give birth. Her breaths are uneven in pain, and her screams are heard. Tristan is crying so much, that he comes running almost, wearing his Celine sweatpants and a black sweatshirt, with hair messed up, and eyes bloodshot red because of unconditional crying. They both were going to be parents. this must feel magical right? Hiraeth has been staying with me for a month now, everything feels unreal, overly happy, and overly joyful. I can't explain anything that happened in these few months, I just know I have never been this happy, I have never been this happy waking up to her hair on my face as she slept almost hugging me like a koala. She is my biggest teddy bear when it comes to sleep, she hugged me as if her life relied on it.
But you know, Tristan was always in her mind. Sometimes in bits and bits and sometimes in proportion. We say first love can't be forgotten. And she hasn't. She just doesn't want her life to be always glancing in the direction of Tristan now. She has moved on from an era, but her heart always has that corner for Tristan. And I am grateful for that.
The way Tristan looks at Hiraeth still now can take anyone's breath. No matter what, Tristan and I loved Hiraeth more than any beautiful thing in this world existed.
We love her and she loves us too, just in different proportions and different sectors. She loves Tristan as he gave her a soul to carry and she will be forever grateful that she made a baby girl with her first love. but she loves me with all her being now, she isn't grateful to me anymore. She understands the difference. She loves me as she loves herself. She loves me because she can heal in a way I never knew I could make her.
She looked at Tristan and they understood each other in a way I could never unless I was a parent. The protectiveness, the extra fondness, and the affection are so for the biological parents. and that is magical. She gave a final push and a beautiful soul entered the world taking her first breath with her father and her mother. What is more beautiful than this?
She screamed as Tristan hugged her crying. She cried so much, as the little newborn was given into her arms, that tears fell from my eyes when I looked at the way she looked at the infant.
Man, what is love regarding Tristan and Me? She was already loving the newborn most. She was loving herself. And I couldn't be more proud of her. Tristan looked at the baby of theirs. As he kissed her forehead. He was a father, and his entire self aged like anything after realizing he saw his blood, his kid. Hiraeth looked at Tristan as she tilted her arms for Tristan to carry the child. Hiraeth's eyes traveled to me as I nodded. Smiling
Tristan held the kid, and Hiraeth saw him, crying again, palming her face. She was crying so much, it was normal. The doctor said she will face hormonal changes so much these few days. Once I heard her saying, she wanted to see Tristan as a dad of their children, and her dream came true. The guilt of leaving Tristan wasn't there anymore. She gave Tristan her part in being that newborn.
Then Tristan came to me, asking me to hold the kid. I was frozen, I looked at Hiraeth, and she nodded smiling in between her tears.
I carried the infant as a dollop of tear fell from my eye, the infant got Hiraeth's dark brown eyes. Tristan's cupid lips. Oh my god, this is the creation of a sun and a sunflower. So pure, so beautiful. It is the recreation of Tristan and Hiraeth. And I couldn't have seen something more magical than this. they gave birth to a soul. a little human being.
Tristan kissed hiraeth's hair and said
"I have thought of a name. do you want..?"
"of course, you are her father, Tristan, of course, you are the one who will give her name. no one else"
I was so proud of her as she said this.
"I want her to be named as Maira"
She looked at him wide-eyed. She embraced Tristan as I and Maira watched her parents hugging each other with so much love. She left Tristan but at the same time, she didn't. she can't. she just came out of it for herself, of course, that desire isn't there for him anymore, that love isn't there, but that care is still there and will always be there. I love her so much. She made the world worth living and worth feeling.
"she is Maira, our Maira"
She said as Tristan looked at her and she looked at me. I nodded and Tristan nodded too. It was our Maira. Our girl, our little human doll. I smiled as she smiled looking at Tristan, she was tired and her whole body took all her energy as she soon closed her eyes, feeling the antidotes of after painkillers kick in. She was soon asleep. The nurses took the baby and cleaned the mother.
Me and Tristan came out and sat on the outside bench. We sat in silence, without knowing what to say. It was an awkward silence and embarrassment was killing us both
"I am sorry for that day man, I..uhm.I was I don't know angry. Hurt. I am sorry man"
He nodded and didn't say anything, we breathed in silence and sighed in I don't know what feeling. It was happening so fast around us, the adrenaline was so high when we were inside and we were so excited and so emotional. We can't feel anything at the moment, extreme feelings numbed our brain.
"How was she this month?"
I looked down, I knew he had to know because she was carrying her child, but suddenly I understood, he had to know because Tristan hasn't moved on from Hiraeth and one month is never enough, he can't ever move on if it's a decade. I suddenly realized the most damaged one is Tristan, he will stay without his child for two years and he will never get Hiraeth.
But his love is the same, never losing direction, never finding a better love, never finding another home. He was still there, the young aspiring idol who fell in love with a girl who smiled beautifully.
The man loved a woman in his life, he made mistakes and he had reasons, nothing can ever really describe cheating as a mistake, it was a sin. But never anyone broke like Tristan, never anyone took his defeat on his shoulders, he kept Hiraeth happy, maybe not with these little things, but he assured Hiraeth he would always come back to her, he would always think of her.
But he was happy, after seeing Maira today. so happy I can never feel it unless it happened to me. He got a child, his flesh and blood, a human who was his junior. His child. A man can never ask for more. but does he? He does. He wants his mother to spend time with her during these moments, but he has work and a lot of people are burdening him with extreme expectations, he has to go on working. But he will try to be a better dad.
I can somehow feel it, he is already a great dad. I am sure Hiraeth knows it too.
"She has been good, eating well."
He nodded and looked somewhere else
"Please take care of her"
I nodded and said with so much conviction
"I will forever"
"no doubt on this, I know you Javi, my Hiraeth couldn't found any better"
The way he said it, my Hiraeth. Nobody's words can't be this much loving for another human. Love is there, Hiraeth must have done something. That she got these two men loving her like crazy, never lessening from one another. but I can take care of her better, I can give her a life he can't give and I am proud of this. The ache for Tristan increased. God knows why.
"Our Hiraeth"
I said as he looked at me with grateful eyes. he nodded
"OH MY FUCKING GOD"
We heard a scream and knew how it was, It was Jaycee. hiraeth's best friend
"SHE GAVE BIRTH, SHE SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR ME. I NEED TO SEE THE BABY. OH HI YOU GUYS, WAIT WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT FIGHTING ANYMORE?"
We laughed out loud as she didn't give any other look, her moon-like eyes shining with tears, she was so happy. She was flustered and surprised, so many emotions were in her eyes that we couldn't make it as one.
She ran inside despite us saying she was sleeping.
"Jaycee she is sleeping"
Tristan whisper yelled
"yeah I know, I fucking can see. I need to see the baby, I will not make any sound," she said, stumbling upon a huge pole where saline bottles were hung. The pole fell as a loud sound was heard, a screeching crying of the sleeping newborn and a gasp of Hiraeth and a scream from Jaycee.
"I AM SO SORRY"
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL SCREAMING?"
I said already screaming
"Javi WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING YOU FUCK FACE"
Tristan also screamed at me
The baby was wailing, crying with her scorching baby voice, Tristan went to the baby, carrying her in his arms, swaying her tiny body as the infant found immense comfort and slept on his chest making her own home. She already chose the parent she wanted to stay with. I went to Hiraeth holding her shoulder as she frowned and saw Jaycee, her eyes glittered as Jaycee came hugging her, saying sorry so many times, making Hiraeth smile. Hiraeth smiles differently with Jaycee, differently with Tristan, and differently with me. but most beautifully she smiles when she looks at Maira.
Hiraeth loves everyone differently. She is a human form of emotion. She is a fairytale herself
She handled everything, didn't she? handled her depression, made Tristan a father, made Jaycee a great best friend, and made me a lover of hers. She made her world, she never read any rules of society again, and she lived for herself finally. Made herself happy. so happy I could cry.