Tristan
I saw Hiraeth Kissing Javi, and the moment those lips fell on mine I understood I lost her, I lost her to Javi, the way Javi's eyes sparked, the same way Hiraeth's eyes sparkling when her lips were on Javi's. I knew I lost my wife, the love of my life, the day I cheated, the day I ruined the marriage. She was beautiful when she loved me, but I can see her live so much with Javi, the way her eyes guide against his face as if wanting so much more than just affection, and she was getting it, Javi loves her so much, the day he talked to I realized he would make Hiraeth fall for him, Javi is a nice guy, girl's like Hiraeth will fall for Hiraeth. When I was busy getting myself on my feet and singing for millions to make them happy, I forgot my happiness and eventually Hiraeth. She is my wife but I cheated on her. I have always left her alone, carrying the burden of many people's expectations. I couldn't see Hiraeth's expectations, extraordinary girls like Hiraeth can't be with celebrities, and they will hurt her, just like I did. I neglected my wife, ignored her dreams, and her hobbies, slipped away from the precious time, the time Javi came and she was bound to fall damn it, that man can give her everything which I can't, confidence, willpower, and extreme self-realization. Javi can make her feel good and special for her self. Javi knows everything about her, every little habit, every choice, every likes and dislikes. I don't stand here. Of course, it's my daughter growing inside her and I will try my best to give her time and love I couldn't give to her mother. But her mother can't stay with me now. My daughter's mother found happiness in herself. And it is not selfishness. It's her worth. She realized her worth after so many years.
A MONTH LATER
When I returned home, it didn't feel like home anymore… Hiraeth sleeps with me, but right in the corner of the bed, the distance seems so big that I can't reach her. I knew I couldn't ever reach her, she would choose him. She wanted to choose him, and the very thought broke my heart even more. I ruined everything, right? I saved so many lives then why couldn't I keep my life?
The moment I saw Javi screaming at me with tears in his eyes for my wife, I knew, my girl got a lover, an unconditionally loving lover, a protector, a home. I couldn't give him but he can. But Hiraeth chose me as I saw him leaving after kissing her. That scene broke my heart. My Hiraeth fell for another man. I couldn't be happier and couldn't be more hurt. The thought of not being capable of her makes me want to kill myself.
Hiraeth, who used to look at me as if I was the sun, looked at Javi as if he was her whole sky, the vast sketch of blues. Her favorite color is white, Javi knew, but I didn't.
I looked at my side, Hiraeth sleeping peacefully, cuddling the pillow beside her. I turned and lay side by side as I stared at her, tears fell seeing her, I did so wrong with my wife, that she started loving another man, who could give her happiness. But she chose me because of the child.
I heard the doorbell as I got up in a hurry for her sleep to not break. She barely slept this last month, she became silent, barely saying anything to me.
I opened the door and saw Javi on the other side. Before I could understand or ask, I felt a smashing pain in my nose as a punch landed on me. I stumbled back as I looked back at a raven-angry-eyed Javi, the anger so much it could break people just by looking, his bloodshot eyes dark as ever,
"YOU FUCKING CHEATED ON HER….YOU FUCKING FUCK FACE, CHEATED ON HER"
I flinched as I looked at him with the remaining strength, I felt blood pooling against my nose. He leaned and jerked my body holding my collar. A tear fell from his eyes which was still fueled by anger
"YOU FUCKING BASTARD, I AM GONNA KILL YOU, WASN'T IT FUCKING ENOUGH THAT YOU IGNORED YOUR WIFE FOR 4 YEARS. WASN'T IT ENOUGH. DIDN'T SHE SUFFER SO MUCH ALREADY, YOU HAD TO FUCKING HURT HER AGAIN?"
I shivered as he smashed again a punch on my cheekbones, the excruciating spilling in my veins and I felt so much physical pain from it, my whole body jerked in pain and might have been swollen.
"YOU FUCKING…YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT SHE WOULD COME BACK RIGHT? WHAT DID YOU DO? WON IN LIFE HUH. GOT YOUR WIFE NOW?"
Before I could react he was about to land another punch when both heard Hiraeth's scream
"Javi"
He looked at her as his eyes became something else, it portrayed so many emotions that I was left speechless.
"HIRAETH HE CHEATED ON YOU? DID YOU KNOW?"
He screamed as Hiraeth closed her eyes, her baby's big bump showing as her exhausted self just felt defeated
"DID YOU KNOW HIRAETH? HE CHEATED ON YOU, HE WAS WITH A FEW OF THE GIRLS THERE. I HEARD FROM-"
She stopped her before she could do anything more
"I know, I know. Stop it Javi"
She came leaning towards me, her fingers rubbing the blood from my nose as his eyes said she was worried. The crease on her forehead said she wanted to look at Javi but couldn't get herself to do it.
"Javi what did you do? Are you fucking crazy?"
Javi looked at her as if his tarnished world was already revolving in a spiral.
"YOU WILL NOT SAY ANYTHING HIRAETH? YOU GONNA STAY SILENT FOREVER? HE DID YOU INJUSTICE…YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME"
She looked as if she would soon burst into flames
"I DIDN'T TELL YOU, WHAT COULD I HAVE JAVI, TELL YOU THAT MY HUSBAND WHOM I CHOSE TO LEAVE YOU FUCKING CRYING PATHETICALLY CHEATED ON ME, WHAT COULD I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT MY HUSBAND IS SHARING HIS SKIN WITH SOME OTHER GIRL WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A DAUGHTER. I FUCKING CAN'T"
She sat on the couch near her as she cried, palming her face, she cried, screaming her lungs out
"EVERYTHING TARNISHED IN THAT FEW SECONDS, MY MARRIAGE, MY VOWS. I COULDN'T TELL ANYONE. I COULDN'T TELL ANYONE BECAUSE IT WAS MY FAULT. I CHOSE HIM OVER ANYTHING, I GAVE HIM THAT PLACE, THE PLACE WHERE HE COULD DO ANYTHING, I GAVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY. HOW COULD I HAVE LEFT MY HUSBAND? MY CHILDHOOD WAS PARENTLESS AND I DIDN'T WANT MY CHILD TO GO THROUGH THAT PAIN I WAS, I DIDN'T WANT MY CHILD TO BE CALLED AS FATHERLESS FROM THE VERY START. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE HER ANY CHANCE TO THINK MARRIAGE AS A BAD THING, MARRIAGES ISN'T A BAD THING, Tristan AND I FAILED OUR MARRIAGE BUT OUR CHILD DON'T HAVE TO KNOW THIS. AFTER PREGNANCY ONE BY ONE EVERYTHING IS GETTING SO BOTTLED UP INSIDE ME. I AM ALSO A FUCKING HUMAN, YOU GUYS ARE FIGHTING FOR ME AS IF I AM SOMETHING TO WON ABOUT. FUCKING STOP IT. STOP QUARELLING AS ANIMALS."
She cried as the moment I was about to hold her, I saw Javi holding her, hugging her, and she hugged him back. She sighed in his embrace.
"Javi, why? What were you doing?"
"Hiraeth…I"
She looked at him and my god the way their eyes match now. it is as if a spell is cast surrounding them, and nobody can harm them.
"Javi you didn't have to come back to beat him. stop doing things that make my decision more unrealistic, and more difficult. stop making things so hard. I need to move on from you"
He nodded and he was crying too. He hugged her again. She closed her eyes as she tightened her hug as if she needed it.
This is the thing, how many times have I missed hugging her whenever she needed it, how many times have I comforted her like this? maybe a few times, but Javi after coming here, realized her uneven breaths before me and hugged her when she needed to. I am a failure as a husband even if I win in society. I failed my own life.
Javi left after coming her down, never looking at me, he loathes me I know
She was currently putting ointment on my cut on the cheekbones
" Is it paining?"
She asked innocently looking at me with round curious eyes, these eyes always made me calm my anxiety.
"No, I deserve it"
She looked at me gently as we were sitting on the bed, sadness overlooking her body. her eyes shattered and still teary.
Her everything is getting slipped away and she can't do anything. I could feel her uneven heartbeats, she was pregnant and she wasn't glowing now. She is dull, her body looks sick, and she looks pale.
"Nobody deserves a beating Tristan, you should have pushed him away"
"I couldn't. I deserved it"
She caressed my cheek as she smiled softly and sadly. She started packing the first aid box as I said
"tell me you don't love him"
She stilled and never looked back while getting up
"What are you saying, Tristan?"
"you very well know, who I am referring to"
She looked at me as a tear fell her eye
She shook her head as she started going towards the living room
"You can't even say it, can you?"
She looked down as tears fell from her eyes. I went to her and I rested her face on my chest, she sighed in relief as I said
"you can love him Hiraeth, there is nothing wrong in falling in love with another man when your husband is like this"
She looked at me shaking her head
"I know, I know I am not a bad human, but admitting I am a bad husband wouldn't do anything to you."
I kissed her forehead as we both stayed silent. She loves me I know, but the love everyone finds rare is now with Javi. Her heart isn't with me
"I want to leave Tristan," she said with so much difficulty
I smiled as tears fell from my eyes, I kissed her hair, caging her in my arms tight as ever saying
"You can leave"
I embraced her so tight, that I knew it was our last. My heart is getting destroyed fully now. I let her go.