After Cole came back, I simply lost that serenity to keep talking to him.
Thankfully he took the hint after his "But we are cool though?" question was answered with a nod.
I didn't trust myself to say that we were, for fear that my tone might suggest otherwise. Because in truth, we weren't.
I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know I should be happy for him, but I couldn't. How do I really rejoice with him when he just took the job I hinged the actualization of my dreams on? How do I smile when it feels like even before the battle, I've lost? How? How?
The 'H' question rippled through my turbulent mind, leaving waves of panic in its wake. I had told him that I was happy it was him, but it wasn't until seconds later that the magnitude of what just happened settled on me like fever after dancing in the rain.
