Edwin knew by now how runes were really made. The demon, the peddler who had cheated him with that watch, had some interesting things to say about rune crafting.
Such as the fact that a demon had to approve the rune before it became logical.
Samuel, the peddler, called the process the "Law of Logic." If a demon could not find a reason why the rune, which was just a mix of weird drawings, as Samuel called them, can exist, then it was passed to another demon to evaluate.
Which explained everything, Edwin had to admit. The fact that the famous Lich reactor rune had only started to work after its creator had been sued for fraud, which Samuel had told him had been avoided when the man sold his soul, made more sense now.
There were runes, Samuel told him, more than a little smug, which were crafted in the times of the cave men, and were activated eons after the last one was only the memory of a painting in a cave.
"Rune crafting," Samuel had told him, as he lounged in his VIP part of Edwin's mind castle, Adam sitting by the desk and playing some video game. "Is the first thing you humans invented. And do you know why?"
Samuel had always loved to play mind games with Edwin, but this time Edwin knew the answer.
"Because runes are magic, a gift from the heavens. They helped shamans summon rain, warriors win honor duels, and hunters fell mammoths?" Edwin had asked, his blue eyes fixed on Samuel's brown ones.
Dark brown, so dark, it could be mistaken for black. Like an empty pit ready to swallow Edwin whole.
Why did all demons have to have eyes which really were the windows to their souls, and not just an organ with which they could see the world?
Edwin shook his head, brought out of his musings, when Samuel was reduced to slow chuckles.
"You are a funny one! Wrong!" Samuel looked at Adam, licked his lips as he saw something that Edwin did not want to acknowledge, for this was his brain, and he did not want to think that the souls he had eaten had lives here.
And probably fucked each other, if Adam's ruffled hair was any indication.
"Runes are art, Edwin! And you humans are just monkeys without your creativity. Or walking bricks. Now go away, I want to speak with Adam again."
Edwin had not been kicked out of his own mind, but for the information he had gotten from Samuel, he had decided not to bother him and his once best friend.
After all, Adam deserved to be happy. Failing that, at least to have fun. He had never liked cookie cutter lovers, had complained to Edwin about his girlfriends or boyfriends trying to introduce him to their families.
If the shoe fit, then the only thing Edwin was grateful about was that the shoe was locked up under a barrier, and he did not have to hear the noises it was making.
Not that his imagination failed to provide him with a picture, but that was beside the point.
Samuel was not only an invaluable information resource, no. Dead or whatever state of being the souls in Edwin's head were in, he was still a demon. A demon who was perfectly capable of approving Edwin's runes on demand.
It was like playing an MMORPG with a cheat code and waiting for the GMs to catch you. It was annoying to the other players, and would get you banned, yes, but until then, you were the game's God.
Not that Edwin knew that from experience. While he still played video games, such players had pissed him off. He never reported anyone, for he simply did not care that their stats were better than his.
He played the games to take walks in them, kill some mobs when he needed to let out steam, and chat with strangers who could show him understanding, for they were from all over the world, and they would never, ever, see him in person.
And so, as he made the meat production rune, for he was pretty sure that there was no other way to feed himself and Damon for ten gold coins per month, he was almost happy with himself.
He waited.
The rune did not glow.
Narrowing his eyes, he went to his bed, and then laid down. Oh, if Samuel wanted to live rent-free in Edwin's castle, he had another thing coming!
"Samuel! Samuel! Holy…" Edwin closed the door as soon as he saw the scene on the other end. Why in the bloody hell was Samuel all tied up?
"Come in!" Came Adam's cheerful voice from the other end. "I was just about to untie him. I will go take a shower now, have a nice chat!"
Edwin heard a door closed inside, and then because he believed that his friend was gone, opened the door to Samuel's room once more.
Only to see the demon still pretty much tied up.
Edwin took a blanked from the floor, tried to not think too hard on the white and red flecks on it, and threw it over Samuel's straps-covered form.
Only to be faced with the greatest hurdle in his life.
For Adam had left the tape on Samuel's mouth, not to mention the blindfold. Edwin did not want to touch them.
Since he knew Adam better than Adam knew himself, and he did not want to get sick from something.
Heck, he was not even sure if even being in this room was good for his health.
"Hm," came Samuel's voice, as he shook his head. The next moment, the blanket was thrown over Edwin, the dirty side touching his face, spreading wetness on his cheek.
Edwin battled with the blanket for a whole minute, before dumping it on the ground, and kicking it to the side.
"Both of you are sick," he said, as he took out a napkin from his pocket, and went about to wipe what he was sure was sperm off his cheek.
"And you should just go apply to become a monk. Wait, no, then you will end up like Adam and me. Never mind," Samuel's suit gave the man's intention away, but Edwin tried to ignore the implications. After all, there was no telling if he could succeed getting what he wanted with a carrot or a stick.
Not that he was willing to use said stick to someone who made Adam smile again, but that was beside the point.
"You know why I am here," Edwin said, dropping his napkin on the dirty blanket, and looking the demon in those brown bottomless pits of his. "I need that rune to work. I can't feed Damon with only leafy greens."
Samuel snorted, but did not say anything. He just produced a stack of paper, which he waved around like a fan.
"You are a smart boy, Edwin. Surely, you don't need me to tell you where you should sign?"
Oh, Edwin had expected this. He had no idea what would happen, if he let Samuel's soul free, but as he read that part in the contract, he knew he could not sign.
Besides, his soul was worth more than a chicken farm, which was the only thing Samuel was willing to give him.
"Another demon would approve the rune," Edwin said, as he rose to his full high. Which, to be fair, was an ok high, but Edwin's 187 centimeters were no match for Samuel's two-meter mountain of a muscle body.
"I think that if you blow Orion, you might get it approved. But let me tell you something: He is at war, already killed an Archdemon to get to the next level of Hell. You, as the one he is trying to mate with, the reason for the war, a man who had eaten a demon, are now a persona non grata. Sorry that I have to be the bearer of bad news."
Edwin blinked. Wait, Orion was doing what? He could not even begin to comprehend it. Why would Orion do such things? Was he not satisfied with the fact that Edwin had given up his plan on trying to eat his soul?
"He hates me, mocks me," Edwin began, only for Samuel's body to start to shake. For a second, Edwin feared that Adam had slipped the demon something, and the wretch was going to die on him before he approved the rune.
But as Samuel stopped holding in his laughter, Edwin took the dirty blanket from the floor, made it into a ball, and then aimed for Samuel's head.
"I will bombard you with your own germs!" Edwin roared, for he could not think of something worse than that. His hand became sticky, and he noted, with mute horror, that he was touching a brown stain.
He held his word, threw the blanket, only to see Samuel licking from the brown stain.
"You… you…" Edwin had no words for him. Just why were demons so twisted?
"What? That is some good chocolate, let me tell you. Adam makes it with some powders, which he gets from burning the plants in the garden. By the way," Samuel chuckled again, laying the dirty blanket on the bed. "Where have you been to, to collect so many opioids? Felt adventurous, did you, eh, Edwin?"
Edwin snorted. Oh, if he only knew where the seeds had come from. Or who tended to the gardens.
Someone even made sure that the pastures on the other side of the moat were rotated, for crying out loud. Edwin did not know how to feel about the fact that his mind was being used as someone's ranch.
"Approve the rune, or I will lock Adam on the other side of the castle!" Edwin roared. When nothing else works, threaten with blue balls.
Words of wisdom from his late mother, may she rest in peace.
"Oh, just the other side? You are about as creative as a brick, Edwin. No wonder your runes are shit," Samuel yawned, and then looked around. "Make a better one. A rune that makes sense. Then I will approve it."
Edwin blinked, and he looked at the ceiling of his room. Cold sweat started to gather on his forehead.
Samuel had… managed to kick him out of the mind castle? But… how?
And if he could, who else could do it? What else could they also do?
Edwin got up, rushed to Damon's room, and, not even bothered by the fact that the man was reading a book, unlocked the vampire's laptop, for the man had used only 6666 as a pin, and went to searching.
He had no great hopes for this little endeavor of his. How could he when it was so obvious that the Lich around the world were outcasts?
There could never be Facebook groups for Lich, who would share pictures of their favorite graveyard, their pet zombie, or their trusted skeleton, which they sometimes used as an umbrella rack.
But he did find something. Something he was not even searching for. Something he did not know he was only getting because Samuel was taking pity on him.
An entire playlist about how to make runes like a pro. A playlist which some demon had uploaded, of which Edwin was sure, to teach more runesmiths how to become Lichs.
Besides, the man's eyes were telling. Green like weeds, or was it acid? Edwin could not put his finger on which comparison was more apt.
"Hello, little lambs," typical for a demon, Edwin thought, but waited until the end of the introduction. The man insulted his future students in at least twenty extremely condescending ways, Edwin noted. The comments and thumbs down were bountiful.
But then, as Edwin himself was just about ready to close the video and go back to researching his more pressing problem, he heard it. The reason why this video was the real deal:
"Rune smiting is like writing a comic, little lambs. You will not put the "Bam!" sound of an explosion before you have laid the breadcrumbs, leading to the explosion, would you? Well, some of you might, but if you have listened this far, I have some hope for you."
Edwin nodded to himself, relaxed back in Damon's chair, waiting.
"Now, how many of you know how to let your runes melt with one another?" The demon asked, as he licked his lips.
Edwin could not help but feel watched. Yet, he just shook his head, took Damon's notebook and pen, which were lying next to the laptop, and started to take notes.
He had precious little time, for he had to still go shopping, and figure out a way to buy cheap meat, which would go well with the vegetables of his food forest rune.