I found Laurie in the kitchen, taking a slice of cake from the newly installed refrigerator. He was startled when I made my presence known. He quickly put the plate back and slammed the door shut.
"Do you have a moment?" I asked. "I have to talk to you."
"Yeah…yes…" he stuttered. Clearing his throat, he nodded: "I need to talk to you too."
He looked nervous, and I didn't need to ask what he was anxious about.
"Thomas isn't going to be here tonight," I assured him. "I believe he's gone to Mildred Brown."
"I wasn't going to…" he threw his hands, flustered, "well, good."
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Laurie sat on the bed in the room assigned to me in the Hills, twisting his thumbs. I was puzzled by what was bothering him. I thought of sitting next to him but chose to stand against the wall.
"What's wrong?" I was concerned.
"Who…" he stumbled. His head was down. It took him a moment before he finally lifted his eyes, and his brows furrowed: "Who is Charles McGrath?"
His question caught me off guard. I didn't expect Clarence to go to this length since he was unaware of Laurie and I's affair. Or it was Lizzie who had told him, hoping to trick him into finally staying away from me, as he should have long ago.
"Did someone say something to you?" I kept a straight face.
"Just tell me," he demanded childishly. "Who is he? And what are you doing with him?"
"He's a cop working under Lindley, and I have nothing to do with him," I said straightforwardly. "I brought him to the Bel Air House for Clarence to see. I wanted to test whether Clarence could be trusted. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem so since he's been going around and telling everyone rumors that aren't true."
"Are you cheating?"
"Cheating?" I raised my voice while trying to wrap my head around his accusation. "Are you out of your mind? No, of course not. If anything, I'm cheating on Thomas with you, like you're cheating on Victoria with me. Why would you say such a thing? Don't you trust me?"
Laurie was quiet. The frown on his boyish face stayed. Gradually, he got up. He approached me, held my hands, and pulled me in. His arms were tight around me, but I couldn't bring myself to embrace him like he would've wanted me to. I closed my eyes as I heard his voice begin to crack.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Forgive me. So much has been going on, and I've let this ridiculous jealousy get into my head. Please forgive me, Anne. I trust you. And I love you."
Loosely, I wrapped my arms around him and gently patted him on the back. I supposed I should tell him I loved him as well. However, the words failed to manifest. It wasn't because I didn't love him as much. I was reminded that his emotional vulnerability made him a less-than-perfect man – but no one was a perfect man.
"What do you need to talk to me about?" He carefully observed my expressions as he asked.
I was drained. Emotionally and physically. I hadn't had a chance to get proper rest, which had been taking a toll on me. I must persevere, for any sign of helplessness would further fracture Thomas' trust.
Telling Laurie about my past had always been difficult. He seemed to resent those who used to be in my life without reason, regardless they were there for good or bad. And I understood. He was less than disapproving when Wesley was brought in and hadn't spoken to him once, though I had told him that Wesley harbored no ill intention and was on Laurie's side. Being the kind soul he was, Wesley pitied Laurie, didn't mind how he was being treated, and attributed Laurie's behavior to his youth.
Laurie didn't react very well after hearing about Neil. To his credit, however, he remained collected. He sat back down, and his head was again lowered. It hurt me to witness so, for I couldn't bear seeing him being upset.
"Please, don't be angry," I pleaded for peace. Kneeling between his knees, I grabbed his hands and squeezed them. "I want to stay away from Neil as much as you'd like me to. But I must figure out what happened to my son, or my soul can never rest."
"Now you say you care for your son," he mumbled, "when you don't want to have a child with me."
"Laurie, darling, please," I kissed the back of his hand and buried my head between his forearms, "don't be like this. You know why I did what I did. And you know I didn't have a choice back then."
Gently, he pulled his hand from my grasp and lifted my chin. His big, bright blue eyes stared into mine as he said in an ever-so-determined voice: "I've been thinking about this for a long while now. I think it's time for us to leave this family."
I wasn't sure if I could take him seriously. But I desperately wanted to.
Seeing I didn't respond, he sighed: "I found a photograph in the book Victoria's reading today, tucked in the middle of Anna Karenina, I believe. I flipped a couple of pages when I saw it left on the table. She caught me. She was furious, snatched the photo out of my hand, and burned it in the fireplace."
"Did you get a good look at the photo?"
Laurie had never met Neil, nor had he ever heard a depiction of him. Yet, in detail, he described what Neil looked like when he was about Laurie's age.