Chereads / Surrendering to Insanity / Chapter 18 - Avery POV

Chapter 18 - Avery POV

I woke up feeling rested despite the conversation I had with my mom last night. Part of me still felt anxious, but regardless of what other people felt about the situation nothing would really change. More than anything a sense of loneliness started creeping in. Kai told me that he had similar feelings, and that he was interested in me. While that did make me happy, I felt so alone with my feelings.

I looked at the time on my phone and saw that it was 11am. Since it was Thursday I had to go teach the art class at Amy's studio, but I decided to go ahead and wash up now and head over. I couldn't get the thoughts of painting Kai out of my mind and wanted to try painting again before class started.

I decided to take a longer shower in order to do a lot of skin care. I washed my hair and then put a conditioning mask in and exfoliated my body. Afterward I put on a face mask and let that soak in while I shaved. Once I was done I rinsed everything off, wrapped my hair in a towel, and decided to walk over to the bathtub to soak in a warm bath. Once the tub was full I got in and added a couple goat milk bath bombs to help further moisturize my skin.

Wanting to listen to some music I grabbed my phone and saw that I had a text message from Kai.

Kai: Good morning Avery, I hope you slept well 😊

It looks like he is trying to be more familiar in the way that he messages me, but it seems so out of character for a guy like him to be using emojis. Still, I couldn't help but think that his attempt to be casual was cute. I decided to message back.

Avery: Good morning to you too <3 I did sleep well, how about you? What are your plans for the day?

I held the phone in my hands, eager for his response. He read it right away, and I could see that he started typing.

Kai: I slept okay. Took me a while to fall asleep, but once I did I slept soundly. As for my plans, I don't really have any. I already finished everything that I had to do for the bar this week, and the front end is fully staffed tonight so they don't need my help. What about you?

Avery: Well, on Tuesdays and Thursdays I volunteer to teach elementary aged kids art, it's an after-school community art program that my friend Amy made a few years ago. It starts around 5:15pm and goes on until around 7pm, so that's what I'll be doing this evening.

Kai: Ah, I see. That's a bummer, I was going to invite you out if you were free.

Avery: Well, I will be free before and after the class. I am actually getting ready to head over to the studio now, if you want to join me.

Kai: I don't want to impose on you, so we can plan something for another day if you want.

Avery: No, I promise it's okay! I decided to go early so that I could paint and draw before class started. I would love it if you wanted to keep me company.

Kai: Hmmmmm, only if you're sure.

Avery: I am! Here's the address. 304 Tellen Ave, suite C.

Kai: I will get ready to head over there now 😊

Avery: Wait a few minutes, I'm still taking a bath. I'll text you when I am leaving the house and then you can meet me there.

Kai: Alright.

 Well, all things considered that was a rather normal conversation to have over text. It didn't feel weird to message him, but I was shocked that he reached out first. When he told me that he wanted to give this a try I had assumed it would be more one-sided on my part, but the fact that he is also putting in effort from the get-go makes me happy.

 After getting out of the tub and drying off I lathered myself with some lotion. I tossed on a dark green crop top and then slid on some blue jean overalls over it, then grabbed a scrunchy and put my hair in a large messy bun. I sent a quick text to Kai letting him know that I was on my way, put on some sandals, and headed out.

 The closer I got to the studio the more excited I was to see him. Today technically marks the first day of our relationship, and the thought of getting to know him more made me restless for his company. Pulling into the parking lot I noticed that his motorcycle wasn't there, so I looked around for a minute to see if maybe he decided to walk to the studio instead.

 As I was looking around I heard the familiar rumble of his bike from the entrance on the other side of the parking lot. I jogged to the front door of the studio to unlock it and prop the door open, then stepped out on the sidewalk to wait for him. Seeing him in daylight like this was breathtaking. His slightly curly brown hair seemed to be kissed with strands of honey as the sun hit it, and his slightly tanned skin looked even more golden than it had before. His dark green eyes looked like endless valleys as he walked toward me, and I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until he walked up and greeted me.

 "Hey Avery" he said while tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

The sensation sent shivers down my spine, and I couldn't help but wish that he would touch me more. I felt flustered and was unable to come up with a response to his greeting. Instead, I just smiled and had him follow me inside.

 As I scurried around trying to get some art supplies set up I noticed Kai walking around the studio, taking in all the sights. There wasn't too much to look at in terms of décor and furniture, but the walls were plastered with a copious amount of artwork from the last few years.

 Walking out of the storage room, an easel in one hand and a canvas in the other, I noticed that Kai was admiring a painting that was hung on the wall. It was one of the last pieces I finished before deciding that I was going to stop pursuing art, and I didn't even notice that Amy had put it up.

 "This has your name on it, when did you paint this?"

 Kai looked somewhat enraptured by the piece, but I couldn't tell how he felt beyond that. It was a rather bold piece, for lack of a better term. I tried to paint out my frustrations and was still left feeling unfulfilled. It depicted a man hunched over on the ground, his head between his knees and his hands on the back of his head. He was painted in all black with varying shades of blue as highlights. There was a gray cobblestone path that he was on, and the ground was cracked and littered with potholes that seemed to be never-ending.

 The man cast an eerie shadow in the moonlight, as though there was slick ink sliding off his body onto the ground, and the lifeless trees painted on either side of the cobblestone path leaned down as if reaching toward him, and the further down the path you looked the more the trees seemed to be blocking the route. I felt lonely and frustrated, but most of all I felt betrayed by the one thing I truly loved in this life. This was the piece I painted as a way of saying goodbye to the life I planned on having.

 "I painted that a few months ago, I didn't realize Amy put it up. It's not the prettiest painting, you don't have to study it so hard."

 I let out an uncomfortable laugh and continued setting up some art supplies so that I could try to paint something again.

 "It's beautiful, yet sad and lonely. What made you want to paint this?"

 "That was my dramatic 'Goodbye' piece I made when I decided to stop pursuing art. I have always loved to paint and draw; my earliest memories involve me holding crayons and coloring. I enjoyed the process of making something that didn't exist before, a new creation that would bring out varying emotions in people. At some point it turned into me just creating something for someone else. I lost all passion for it. People stopped looking at my artwork as a product of my emotions, they stopped trying to find a message or meaning in it. Eventually I started making art for other people rather than myself, and by the time I realized it I had already graduated high school and been accepted into Elsum University. I decided to try to paint for myself again, and I let out all of my emotions onto the canvas. Once I was done with the painting I realized that this was how I felt about art now. I didn't find much joy in it anymore; it just made me feel suffocated and alone. I haven't painted anything since, well, not until today anyway."

 I kept trying to avoid his gaze as I spoke, but even when I wasn't looking at him I could feel his eyes on me. I felt like he was seeing beyond just the words I was saying, it was like he peering into my soul. I had never felt that sort of vulnerability before, and I couldn't quite make heads or tails of how it made me feel. When I was done speaking I turned back around to look at Kai, and I noticed that he was sitting in a chair with his head propped up on his hand staring at me.

 "Wh-what? Why are you staring at me like that?"

 "No reason, I just like hearing you talk."

 My face turned beet red, and I had to turn around to try and hide the fact that I was blushing at such a simple sentence.

 "Anyway," I said after clearing my throat, "I decided that I wanted to try painting again. And this time, I want you to be my model."

 I could hear him stand up and take a few steps in my direction. His strides were so long that in just a few seconds I could feel him almost directly behind me. He reached over my shoulder and put his hand on my chin, forcing me to turn my head in his direction. Kai leaned down, his lips mere millimeters from my ear, and his breath began tickling me as he opened his mouth to speak.

 "Shall I strip?"

 It was a rather simple question, and perhaps he meant it to be playful rather than serious, but those three words made me lose all sense of reason as I turned around and met his lips.