My eyes went back and forth between Blakes, I needed to know if he was speaking the truth.
"You did?"
"Yeah," he chuckled. "That night opened my eyes for the first time. Not only to what I felt for you but that maybe you felt the same way. Back then I wasn't sure, but now."
He gave a little pause, "Now I know for sure that … I love you. There I said it. I love you, Pax, I've never felt like this before with anyone. It has built up over the years."
He felt the weight lift upon his shoulders, but he was nervous as shit waiting for Pax's response.
"So why did you avoid me?" he whispered.
"I'm sorry," I started. "I was just scared."
"Scared of what?" he asked.
"I was scared that you'd tell me it was a mistake. I know you were the one who asked for what happened but I know you were drunk and angry," I sighed. "A part of me thought you asking me to suck you off and fuck you was a good sign that you were into me or at least into guys but then doubt settled in. What if you just needed a release and I was the one available? I don't think I could have handled you wanting to only be friends after being with you."
"Blake, I …"
"I know, it was stupid. I wanted to talk to you but whenever I saw you I would freeze and panic. I didn't want to lose you either, but I couldn't go back to what we were before. I'm really sorry."
"I believe you Blake, and I understand. I think I was avoiding you for the same reason. Though I was thinking that you did all that just because I asked. I was feeling guilty as well, I felt like I'd made you have sex with me. Then I didn't want to hear you saying we could only be friends."
A silence stretched between us, but wasn't an uncomfortable one. We both just sat there, held hands and stared at each other.
"How about this, since we both like each other, why don't we give us a try? Then if it doesn't work out we could, at least, admit we gave it a shot," he suggested.
"You mean, we start dating? Call each other boyfriends, kiss and hold hands and … other stuff?" I asked, needing to be clear. "Do you mean in private? What about in public? I don't know if I could handle being a secret."
"Yes, yes, yes, and yes to the first parts and no to the last. I've not hidden who I am since returning to town even though I've never openly dated a guy here. I would never ask you to keep us a secret Pax and I would never keep you a secret either."
A feeling of warmth spread in my heart and hope blossomed.
"So we are doing this then? Dating?" I asked.
"Well you haven't actually given me an answer yet, so I don't know," he laughed.
We laughed for a minute before I decided to give him my answer. Slowly, I leaned forward and captured his lips with mine.
At first, he didn't respond but slowly he moved his mouth against mine. The kiss was sweet and sensual, everything we felt for each other was poured into it.
Blake was smiling when we pulled back. He cupped my cheek and gave me one last peck before standing up.
"Come on, I'm hungry, let's go pull the lovebirds off each other and get some food."
---
The meal at the restaurant was eventful, we met Eli's asshole ex. He was a real tool, god knows what a sweet guy like Eli ever saw in him. I felt bad for the guy but at least he had Cam now.
I hadn't realised that Cam had been Eli's model. Not until the show and I saw the pictures. Of course, I'd showered with Eli before, usually after a gruelling session at the gym, so I recognised the torso.
Blake and I had fun teasing Cam about it. We were enjoying ourselves too before that jerk showed up again. I saw him arrive with a woman who he immediately left. She stood by the entrance glancing around with wide eyes.
Blake followed him whilst I headed for her. She was moving past the pictures eyeing them curiously. I knew she had no idea why she was here.
"You should follow him, you know," I suggested.
She stared wide-eyed at me for a moment before glancing in the direction he'd gone in.
"I have a feeling you don't know what's going on here. So I suggest you go find him and listen to what he has to say."
To her credit, she took a deep breath, nodded and went to find the douche. I watched as she weaved through the crowd, I assumed so that she could come up behind him. I moved next to Blake.
He really dug his own grave. I've never known someone to be so stupid. I felt bad for her as she ran off crying but at least she knew the truth.
---
"Can't believe my little brother dated that jerk for five years," Blake mused as he dried his hair.
I was about to comment but the sight of his bare chest brought back strong memories. A towel covered his waist but I knew what was hiding there.
"Pax?"
I jumped before jerking my gaze to his face. He was smirking and I knew I'd been caught.
"Yeah … I mean it's hard to imagine them together."
"Were you checking me out?" he asked, moving closer.
"No!" I insisted, turning red.
Blake laughed before sitting next to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He pulled me in against him and started softly kissing my neck.
"Blake!" I moaned, leaning my head to the side.
I felt his hands starting to rub my chest and moving down. Quickly, I stopped his hand and he looked at me confused.
"I want to, Blake, I do, but I also don't want to rush this. We've only just agreed to try dating and after what happened I don't want to make another mistake."
Blake released me and smiled, at first I thought I'd made the wrong decision but then I shook my head. No, it was the right choice. Starting this relationship off with only a physical connection wouldn't last. I'd done that before in college. I needed him to understand.
"When I was at college, I met a guy at a bar, we had fun and ended up sleeping together. A few days later we saw each other around campus and hooked up again. Then we did it again, and since we kept meeting we decided to try dating but …"
I gripped his hand.
"Since we started hot and heavy it was like that was all we had going for us. We should have taken the time to get to know each other before having sex. It ended really quickly and not in a nice way. I don't want that to happen to us."
"I get it," he smiled. "But don't you think since we've known each other for years that it won't be the same?"
"I know but I don't want to risk it. I've never felt like this about anyone and it would kill me if we ended up like that."
"I understand," he said with a small kiss on my hand.
I smiled back at him, my heart filled with so much love for him. I kissed him before heading for a shower myself. Blake was lying in bed, fully dressed in some sweats and a shirt, on his phone when I emerged.
I climbed into bed beside him and he lifted his arm. With a smile, I fell asleep against his chest. His heartbeat thudded in my ear and it lulled me to sleep.
---
Back in Maplewood, I hadn't been able to see Blake as often. We texted all the time but it wasn't the same. It didn't feel like we were any different than before.
My phone started ringing as I left work. It was Blake.
"Hey there handsome, you busy?"
"Hey, I've just left work, what's up?" I chuckled.
"Well I have the night off and I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date?"
I stopped in my tracks and couldn't find the words.
"Is my suggestion that bad that you've frozen in place?"
I could hear his laughter and it took me a second to realise that I could hear it both on the phone and nearby. I glanced around and gasped. Blake walked up from his car, which was parked next to mine.
We'd not been in public since we came back and for a moment I feared he hadn't been telling me the truth, but the man proved me wrong.
Blake stepped up, wrapped his arm around me and gave me a quick kiss. He beamed at me as a few of the lingering students started whistling around us. I blushed as I glared at them and they scattered.
"So, you busy tonight?" he asked.
"Erm … no I'm not busy," I told him.
"Good, I'll pick you up at seven," he told me before giving me another kiss and walking away.
When seven came around, I was nervously waiting at my door. Blake walked up in a dark shirt and jeans. He looked sexy as hell.
I'd gone for a white shirt and dark jeans but that had been my tenth choice. My bedroom looked like a tip.
"Hey there handsome," he flirted and I blushed. "You look good! Real good!"
He kissed me and I playfully pushed him away. I'd never known he was so flirty before. Though I'd never seen him on a date.
"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself," I flirted back.
"Come on, we need to get going," he smiled, grabbing my hand.
We walked to his truck and he drove us to one of the popular restaurants along main street, Hunters. It was a local BBQ joint that opened a few years back.
I'd been wanting to come back here, I'd not been since it first opened. He pulled up a block away and we walked, holding hands, in the brisk cold winter weather.
A few people gave us a wave and a few stopped and stared. I didn't care and it seemed like Blake didn't either. He held the door open for me as we reached Hunters. He's always been a gentleman.