Valerie's POV
I had thought about my situation over and over again. I didn't see any changes. The food I was able to eat was because Madam Daphne was able to make up an excuse to see me and bought food for me while I was asleep.
I didn't know when I was going to taste such good food again and the food at the hospital wasn't going to be as good as that. I wasn't going to stay in the hospital for that long so the food I would be feeding on was limited.
I knew when it would all end and I thought to myself about getting an abortion. Carrying this baby has been such a hassle, and I think it's high time I let go and continue my life.
There could be a brighter future for me if I let go of my child. However, I wasn't ready to conclude that because I was scared. I wasn't only scared but wasn't ready to let my child go.
It has been four months with my baby and I've grown a bond with him or her. I have not been able to confirm my baby's gender yet.
Although I hadn't concluded on what to do about my baby, I told Madam Daphne about my plan but she didn't say much about it. She told me to continue eating and began to stare at me with pity.
I didn't like it when people looked at me sympathetically, feeling bad for me and my condition. The first person who looked at me with a clear face without feeling sorry for me was Mr Theodore.
I wondered why he didn't feel really sorry for me but I somehow liked it. It felt like a motivation and reminder to me that I won't be sympathetic all my life.
But he was very harsh. I didn't like suffering. I just simply know that there's more to life than the pain I go through. I enjoy the rain, the sun, nature, and the breeze.
I was homeless and without money, but my legs could take me to some places, and I was able to see how beautiful the beach was. That was something I would never see if I chose to die.
Of course, I was tired, but I hoped that one day I'd be able to experience the bright side of life, not for a moment but for a very long time.
I wasn't crying. I was just deep in thought. I knew that I was strong. Carrying all this burden on my own without letting my pain weigh me down wasn't as simple as it sounded. I still kept fighting because I knew, I knew that one day I'd watch the sunset. One day, I'd experience a new life.
But when will that time come? When? I am tired of waiting and waiting. I'm tired of enduring and enduring.
The hospital bed was so soft; it made me fall asleep in no time.
When I woke up, I found out that I was alone. Madam Daphne and Mr Theodore had left. They had their lives and I definitely shouldn't hinder them from doing their duties to live.
The hospital had a section where patients could watch the TV so I walked to that section and found a place to sit. There were a few people watching so I joined them to watch what was going on.
I was placing my attention on the television when my side view saw someone coming to sit next to me so I drifted my gaze to the person and smiled. "Hi."
"Hi," he responded with the same gesture. "Are you new here?" He asked as if he knew every patient in the hospital.
It took me a little while to respond because I was struggling with words. "Kind of," I replied. "I came in the morning. I'm suffering, malnutrition."
"Ahh, nice to meet you. You will be leaving soon since it's a minor case," he seemed disappointed.
"Why you say that?" I asked.
"Well…" he seemed to be struggling with what he wanted to say.
"I'm Valerie," I told him so he'd stop struggling.
"Adrian."
When he replied I realized that he had IV-stand with him. I wondered what condition he was in for him to have an IV as he moved around.
"Are you okay?" I asked him.
Adrian smiled tiredly at me, "No one in the hospital is okay, including those treating the sick."
His remark wasn't wrong. "What's bothering you then?" I asked.
"Stomach cancer and…I," he paused. "I have a feeling that my time is up," he seemed scared. No, he looked very scared.
"Why?"
"Stage three," he replied.
"I don't understand."
"Survival rate isn't so low but…" he looked away. "My surgery is tomorrow and I feel like I'm going to lose my life soon."
"Don't say that. A little faith is everything," I told him as I reached to touch his hand.
"You just don't know how I feel."
"Sometimes you feel that way because you think life isn't as good as you wish it is. You ask yourself…do I want to go through this and come back to this cruel world? Is it worth it?"
"No, no, Valerie. It's not worth it. I prefer to rest."
"It is also not a bad thing to embrace death. Life or death, they are both beautiful. We just need to embrace it to see the bright side of it."
"You are saying I should embrace the end?"
"No, I'm saying you should embrace whatever happens after the surgery. If you live, be happy…it means there's more to life but if you don't…be happy. It only means that there's more, but not in this life," I said all I could, which was inspired by what I've experienced in life.
If I were to die, I would have died the time my aunt starved me and tortured me, but I'm still alive. I survived on the street with a baby in my stomach for three months.
I could have died in the morning but I still hadn't faced the end yet. Perhaps there's more but I haven't experienced or seen it. I guess that's why I remain persistent in living.