Lettie's footfalls echoed through the empty house as I collapsed into the nearest chair. Dizziness clouded my vision as nausea vied for attention. I fought back the urge to faint.
When was the last time I'd eaten? I mean really eaten something other than scraps of what was left after everyone else had eaten or quickly swallowed a stolen grape or cherry tomato.
For that matter, when was the last time I'd eaten at a restaurant or had a night out with friends? It had been so long that I doubted I had any friends left. Bea. Maybe.
I scanned the table. Lettie taught her people to finish what was on their plates. Most plates and platters were empty. A single slice of turkey bacon grabbed my attention. I snatched it up and downed it in two bites. It wasn't enough, but it was a start.
At the far end of the table, King had tossed a napkin over his plate and coffee cup. Maybe it hid leftovers. If not, I'd take a chance that I could take something from the refrigerator without the security cameras catching me. But I had to eat, or I wouldn't be able to complete the chores assigned to me.
Beneath the napkin, I was pleasantly surprised to find a sunny-side-up egg and a biscuit pushed to one side of the plate. Neither looked to be touched, and the biscuit was layered with jam.
The coffee cup was still warm. King took his coffee black, but this coffee contained cream. I took a sip. Sugar, too. Why would he have coffee the way I liked it?
It was almost as if he left the food and coffee for me, but that didn't make any sense. King never even looked at me. We hardly spoke, and he'd never left me food before, but now, when I needed it the most, here it was.
Tears blurred my vision. Maybe the man I'd dated, the man who had pulled out chairs for me and made time for me, was returning. True, our dates had been routine, as if penciled into his schedule every other Wednesday and every Friday, but he never stood me up. He never acted like he had somewhere else to be other than with me. And he always remembered holidays and my birthday.
I ate quickly, relishing the tart jam on my tongue, the slightly bitter coffee, and the egg yolk's richness. If only I had a smoothie to wash it down with, but that would be asking for too much.
With food in my stomach, I felt better. I went to work cleaning up while obsessing over where my life had gone off track. To be honest, I could understand why no one in the Heavenly family liked me. I didn't like myself much.
I'd focused so hard on fitting in that I'd forgotten who I was. Gone was the girl who spent her days in front of a computer hacking her way through dark web competitions to prove she was the best. Gone were the ripped jeans and baggy sweatshirts. Gone was the ability to block out what didn't matter.
Mom's death made me rethink what mattered.
Looking back didn't change the present, though. I'd made my choice to assimilate when I'd married King. He was worth it, or so I thought. Now, I wasn't sure. Was anything worth the loss of self?
The day flew by with me lost in my head. Before I knew it, Thing One and Thing Two burst through the door demanding snacks. Maylean trailed behind them, looking as if she'd survived a tornado and was dazed in the aftermath.
The twins arriving home marked the change of my day from cleaning back to cooking. I had two hours to prep. Tonight's dinner would be served early. It was one of the few concessions made to the rigid schedule Lettie liked to keep. Granted, I didn't particularly like the reason, but it was the one day a month when I might have a chance to eat with the family.
Dinner was simple, baked ziti, salad, fresh fruit. A second pan of ziti stayed warm in the oven.
While Maylean and Anya sat by their husbands, Grandpa sat to one side of King and Daniel to the other. I was wedged in between the twins and Ben, Lettie's youngest son, as if I were one of the children.
I didn't mind sitting by the Things. They sometimes talked to me, and Thing Two liked to sneak vegetables off his plate and onto mine. I redirected his attention occasionally to return the food to his plate. We both pretended not to notice.
"King, I've got some terrific ideas for remodeling your office. Let's get together after dinner. I brought samples home," Anya said.
Anya was married to Dr. Joshua and ran an interior design shop. Her wealthy parents had set her up with the shop when they had married, but Anya did a good job of maintaining a healthy client base. She brought value to the family. People who mattered knew her. She didn't need an allowance.
"Not tonight," Lettie interrupted. She nodded in my direction. "King and Teela have an appointment."
"Oh, really?" Anya said as she gave me a side glance, a wicked grin curved up her lips.
Anya knew exactly what the appointment was about. It was the same appointment we had every month. What she wanted was to embarrass me.
From the heat in my cheeks and the way I froze the second she asked the question, I'd left no doubt she had succeeded. I hated myself for it.
"Teela is ovulating. The only thing the girl does on schedule is lay eggs. King has to do his husbandly duties."
Anya waved away Lettie's response as I fought not to curl into a ball and disappear.
When I didn't get pregnant in the first six months of our marriage, Lettie charted my cycle and merged my ovulations into the family schedule so she could make sure King and I were working toward making a baby.
I wasn't opposed to having a baby, in theory. What I dearly hated was having it announced to everyone. I hated it even more than having my mother-in-law schedule when I would have relations with my husband.
Anya said, "How embarrassing that you can't find time to make a baby without it becoming a family event, Teela. We have to leave work early just to make time for you to," she stage whispered, "Have s-e-x with your man."
Maylean shot Anya a dirty look and called the nanny to take the twins upstairs.
"You know, you could wake up early and take care of business. I know I don't have a problem showing Josh affection in private."
My hands dropped to my lap as I knotted my napkin. I counted to ten. I counted to ten again.
I already left the bed an hour or more before King. At night, I fell into bed exhausted, but King wouldn't touch me even if I weren't. He hadn't but once since our marriage other than these scheduled copulations for strictly procreation purposes.
Maybe I was really bad in bed. I didn't know. I was a virgin when I married King, but I thought I could learn if he was willing. I didn't know how to make him interested.
I decided to take a different approach than I normally would. "You're right, Anya, I could. Does that mean you'll be making breakfast at 5 a.m. going forward?"
"Not my job, hun. Lettie gave you that privilege."
I nodded. "She did."
"And you do it so well, too, now that you've given up that little rebellion of pretending you don't know how to cook."
"I'm curious, Anya. You haven't created any Heavenly babies yet. Why aren't you on the schedule? Is it because Joshua is infertile?" I looked her up and down, meeting her eyes perhaps for the first time in three years. "Or are you a failure as a woman?"
Anya cried out. Her hand whipped through the air as she leaned across Ben. Her palm stung my cheek before I could think.
"You bitch! How dare you!"
I was asking myself the same question. I had no idea what had gotten into me. I never spoke to anyone in the Heavenly family like that. Ever. I was too busy trying to fit in to cause trouble. I had to make them like me so King would.
Only that hadn't worked, had it?
"Enough!" Lettie yelled. "I don't tolerate violence in this house, Anya. Or backtalk, Teela. You should both know better."
Lettie shook a finger at me. "Teela, apologize."
"I will if she will."
"This isn't a debate. You'll do what I told you."
I looked to King, who sat at his end of the table, thumbing through his phone.
As if he knew I was looking to him for intervention, he looked up, then downed his drink and stood. "I'm going to my study. Let me know when you are ready for bed."
I watched as he walked away. What was the point of having a man if he wasn't there to protect me?
I turned back to Lettie and Anya. They were both staring at me expectantly.
Momentarily, I wondered what the consequences would be if I refused. Would Lettie make me sleep alone tonight? Well, that was no big loss. She just said she didn't believe in violence. I had no allowance to take away. I didn't go anywhere that she didn't tell me. I already worked for free from dawn until dusk. What was left?
Ben tugged at my sleeve and gave me a warning with a subtle head shake.
Ben, the one member of the family on my side. I was so grateful that I could sob. If he wanted me to drop it, I should drop it.
With a nod, I turned to Anya. "I apologize. That was out of line. No woman should shame another woman, particularly in front of a room full of people. Intercourse and conception concerns should be kept private, don't you think?"
It was as close to an apology as I could manage.
"Excuse me. I've got dishes to wash before I fuck my husband."
I didn't wait for permission to leave.