When I was born, my mother said it had been raining.
"And I knew you were going to be a difficult baby. I was right. You were," my mother said not just one time. "You cried all the time. Mostly at night. Then, you would sleep during the daytime. You wouldn't eat anything. Your father had to take you to the park and feed you bananas."
Bananas. They were my favorite things when I was a kid. Even now, I eat at least one banana a day.
Lloyd keeps his bananas in the refrigerator. I swear he is doing this on purpose. He is getting on my nerves to see when I will break.
"Listen, I don't think keeping bananas in the refrigerator is the first thing you should notice about my apartment," he says, coming up from behind me. He told me to find anything if I got hungry. That is exactly what I was doing. So, I opened the refrigerator and found the bananas there.
No one keeps bananas in the damn refrigerator!
"This is not right. You are doing this on purpose."
"Doing what on purpose?"
"Enraging me."
"Are you enraged?" he asks. He has me trapped between his body and the open door of the refrigerator. I cannot go anywhere.
"Yes."
"I am not doing it on purpose," he says, his voice husky.
He brings his face closer to mine. I do not mind kissing. I really do not. But I do not want to have sex on the first date. It feels wrong. A violation of some kind.
"But I am doing this on purpose," he says and puts his lips on my nose. He gives me a peck there and then kisses both my eyes. Then forehead. Just when I think he is going for my lips next, I feel his lips on my neck, his finger pulling my turtleneck down. He gives me a lick and I gasp in surprise.
"Did I finally take Ms. Bourn by surprise?" he chuckles and the sound is mesmerizing.
I groan as he kisses my neck. My neck is a weak spot of mine. I get overwhelmed when I am kissed there.
My hands are on his chest, in an attempt to push him away but not really doing it. Perhaps I want this as much as he does. Maybe he actually does not feel attracted to me but wants to get intimate with me so I will open up to him. It has been proven many times that having sex with someone is never actually casual. You instantly feel connected emotionally with someone after you connect physically with them. There must be a scientific reason behind this.
"Stop," I manage to let out.
He stops. "What happened? Are you in pain?"
The concern for me was real. Well, he is an FBI Agent. Of course, his concern for anyone, except for criminals, would be real. But what if he finds out I am not just an innocent citizen? He probably suspects me of having some information on the Bug Man. But he has no idea I have much larger secrets, secrets that will make him hate me.
A pity, honestly. I always wanted a life partner who I could share everything with. Everything. Every single dirty secret.
"No."
"Then what?" he asks as he pulls back and holds me at arm's length.
"I don't want this right now."
"Of course, sure," he says. He does not sound offended. "Did I…? Shit, I should have known. After all that happened…"
He was testing me. He wanted to see my reaction.
I might be younger than him, but I know his tricks. I have known the way people perform silly tricks thinking no one else might have the same idea. I always know. I watch people after all. It is my job to look at someone and know what they want and what kind of people they are.
It is Lloyd's job as well. I wonder if he thinks he is better, or I am better. He obviously thinks he is the better one, just like I think I am better. Still, our purposes vary. For instance, he works for the government, whether the FBI ever will admit or not. I work for the truth. Lloyd works for the good of humanity. I do not. I work for myself and the truth.
"I'm sorry, Tasha. I really am."
"Okay."
"I didn't think…," he says. Liar.
I nod. I am not traumatized. He thinks I am. Good. I am one step ahead.
"Do you want to watch a movie or something?"
I nod again. When you want to act traumatized, you do a few things. Do not talk much- this is rule one, unless you are the one to follow the other rule and that is- talking a lot, merging words. Cry, if you can. But if you are the less talkative type, I suggest not crying and acting a little cold, more indifferent.
Success rate- 98%
"So, what movie do you want to watch?" he asks. "Just find one and I will get us some popcorn."
I sit down on the couch and browse Netflix for a while. I am not a movie person. I watch movies, but I do not particularly enjoy them. It is not because I think movies are lame (which I do think, but that is beside the point. It is mainly because watching TV gives me a headache and watching a movie for such a long time, or a TV Show (which is even longer), gives me a bad headache and I feel like throwing up.
I choose It: Chapter One. A horror does not sound bad. I read the book three years ago. I dropped it once after I found it boring. Then, I picked it up again and it was not so bad. However, I hated the ending. I do not know what kind of ending I prefer, but surely, that was not it. I quite liked Bill, so when he cheated on his wife, I felt it personally and started to hate him. I could not get over that fact till the end.
"Have you chosen anything?" Lloyd is back with a huge bowl of popcorn.
I watch him for a while. If he cheats on me, I will probably kill him.