When I open my eyes, I am in a strange room. I try to find the door, but I cannot. I try to sit, but I am trapped under a muscular arm.
"Tasha?" Lloyd murmurs sleepily. That is when I notice that my head is on his lap and his arm is around me. We are on the couch where we were when we started the movie. The TV is turned off. Lloyd probably did that, since I cannot even remember when I fell asleep.
"Sorry. I thought…"
"That you were kidnapped?" he asks. I do not hear any humor in his voice. He asks it like it is normal to think that way.
"Yeah," I say. I do not try to get up. His lap is rather comfortable and warm.
We remain silent for a while. It is not uncomfortable. In fact, the silence feels nice, as if we have known each other forever. The kind of silence that speaks louder than words.
"You know, Tasha, I do like you," he says.
He is pretending, I remind myself. But it sounds so real. For some reason, I want to believe him even though I know I should not.
"I like you a lot. I know it's so sudden and quick. We've known each other only for a while now after all. But it's true that I feel something special for you."
"Do you, Lloyd? But you don't even know me."
"You can call it flash attraction."
"Like flash flood?"
He chuckled. "Something like that, yes."
"It won't last," I say.
"How are you so sure?" he asks.
"Do you think it will last?" I ask back. He is lying, I know that. But I do not want to believe myself. Because I feel an attraction for him that I never felt for anyone before. Perhaps that is because I take him as a challenge. I love a challenge.
"Yes," he says after a second. "Yes. I think it will last, Tasha. I really think so.
"You don't have to say anything right now. I don't want to pressure you. I just wanted to let you know that I want to go on more dates with you and spend time with you, if you want that as well."
"Can I give you the answer tomorrow? After I get a good sleep?"
"Sure. Of course. Just… I hope it will be in my favor."
He tells me to sleep on the bed and that he will use the couch. I agree. Honestly, I need a good night's sleep before I can think clearly. I did not expect him to confess so quickly. I mean, I know he is lying, but I expected him to tell me that later. Perhaps after two or three dates later.
That night, I dream of the old man who lived next door when I was a kid. He used to live with his wife. We lived there for a long time, so by the time I was a teen, we had been close to the old man and his wife. His name was Joseph and his wife was probably Milla. I keep forgetting names. Since my job requires remembering a lot of names and dates, I usually type them on my phone in the Note app.
I dream of that one day when Milla suddenly died of a heart attack. We all attended the funeral. I did not want to go. There were going to be a lot of people and I hated crowded places. But my parents forced me to go with them.
That night, I saw Joseph pacing in his front yard. It was one in the morning. For some reason, I felt like going to him. I had been suicidal back then. I thought Joseph was going to kill himself. Perhaps I saw some signs in his manner that were similar to me.
I took my pocket knife with me. I think it will be terrible of me to say that I do not even trust my relatives. I always feel like that no one actually loves me or cares for me. If the need arises, they will not hesitate to hurt me or even kill me. That's why I took the knife with me. Joseph might be a harmless old man, but I had to be careful.
He saw me when I was some mere feet away from his yard.
"What'cha doing there, Tasha dear?" he asked, his voice not so firm and jolly anymore.
"It's late, Joseph. You can't sleep?"
"I miss my old girl," he said. "Ever missed someone so much that whenever you close your eyes, all you see is that person?"
I shake my head.
"I miss her that much, if not more. We had been together for fifty-five years, do you know that? We had been through so much.
He told me about how they met when he was twenty and she was fifteen. I almost told him that it was gross how he went for a minor. Just because he looked so miserable, I told him nothing. Instead, I just listened.
Then, he confessed how he went to whore houses. I was surprised. He truly seemed to love his wife more than anything else. I asked him why.
"Because I loved her so much, I could not ask her to do certain things. You are a kid, but you are growing up, so I will tell you this. A man wants certain things sometimes, that he cannot ask his wife to do for him," he told me.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because it feels like degrading her. I did not want to degrade her."
You wanted her to swallow? You wanted to role play. You wanted to spank her ass? I don't see anything wrong in asking her.
His words unnerved me in a way that I never got over. I could not trust those three words- I love you. Perhaps that's why, till now, I had not gotten into any serious relationships.
Now, my dream ends and my thoughts began, even though I was sleeping. I thought about Lloyd. Today he said he liked me. After some days, maybe a month or so later, he would tell me he loved me. Then, he would do things like Joseph.
I could not trust him. Not at all.