Orion lowers herself into Theo's embrace. Locking his arms around. "I'm so sorry Rion. I'm so f*cking sorry."
She just looked over at her brother lying dead on the floor falling to her knees she weeps.
Orion spent the next few days isolated in her room. Anyone who came to her door was met with the same fate. A dagger at the door frame. Marcy was even struggling to get entrance. Orion's food was left on a tray at her door. She was beside herself, how could she be so powerful and strong and not be able to save her brother? What was the point of all this stuff if she can't save the people she loves?
She didn't want anyone to see her in such a weakened state. She felt erratic, she still hadn't showered from her wedding night, blood still smeared on her face and in her hair.
She was absolutely distraught over her brother.
Sera had enough of Orions bullshit lack thereof coping skills.
"That's enough, get out of bed and quit putting holes in your wall" she said ducking the dagger that flew over her head.
This wasn't the first time she's had to pull her best friend out of a hole like this, but this one was by far the worst she's ever seen. Sera's heart ached too for losing Emmery. But Orion and him we close, she lost so much in one person losing him. He was home to her. Sera saw the state her best friend was in and was utterly appalled.
"Look at you, you're disgusting, you need a shower." Sera plugged her nose. Orion's room smelled terrible.
"Get out" Orion growled.
"No you get up" Sera matching Orions stubbornness.
"As much as you want to quit and throw in the towel. You can't." Sera closing in on the wild out of control Orion.
Orion growled a low an deep growl.
"Are you kidding me? Did you really just growl at me like a freaking mad dog?" Sera was over her best friend's theatrics.
"Theo isn't here right now, it's up me to pull you out of this funk. So I'm the best you got for now"
"He was taken from me!" Orion screamed.
"Yeah and you made the guy who took him from you eat his own heart…"
***
Shit. I really did make him eat his own heart. I can't believe I did that. In front of an entire room of people, who just watched me get married.
Murder on my wedding night, I don't think that's a good sign…
Since that night I could feel a change in myself. Something had happened and it brought me to a place where I connected with the Netherworld now. Where I could feel its presence like it was a being all it's own. It was me but it also wasn't me. It was like a version of me in its purest form. Raw unadulterated instinct. The power that coursed through me was one of pure impulse. That if I didn't tread lightly, I
could drown the world in shadows. Realizing this, was one of the reasons I locked myself away. It wasn't just losing my
brother. It's what losing him also did to me. It
turned me into a monster. Something capable of doing monstrous acts. That's not who I am, or at least, who I was…
I needed Theo. His presence brought me
peace. Without him my entire being was restless. The energy constantly humming in my body, it was like energy had a mind of its own and it hated the fact Theo was away. It felt unbalanced and in return made me feel unbalanced. My whole
everything was out of sorts.
I couldn't explain this to Sera. She couldn't understand how afraid I was of myself now, knowing I'm capable of ripping a man's heart from his chest and making him eat it.
But I let Sera approach me and when she got close enough, she engulfed me with her love and compassion and when she did. I crumbled in her arms.
"Ri, things aren't okay right now. But they will be."
I feel like I don't belong to me anymore. I belong to everyone else. I'm his. I'm hers. I'm their's. I'm death.
I am death. When people use that phrase, they usually mean someone who brings a bunch of death.
But no
I'm like literal death.
Why me?
I let Sera hello me pull myself back together. It was time I faced the world, just because he was my brother doesn't mean I get to hide away, holed up in a room avoiding the reality that is my life now. A life without Emmery…
Dressed Sera brings me to my family. I should probably seek Marcy out later and let her know I didn't kill myself, or anyone else.
Sera was right the world wouldn't stop moving because I wasn't okay. The Rot was still spreading. Monsters being seen more frequently.
The my mother and father would have been dealing with all the fall out from the wedding night. It was time I got up and pulled my shit together. I wouldn't have the luxury of grieving if my mother couldn't either.
Theo had taken the Sun Elves involved in the riot back to his clan for questioning. Theo hated the idea of separation. But she needed the space and time and he had to see to the things back home and the traitors before she arrived. Clearly his people were more upset about this than anyone realized. It was uncommon to marry outside your clan, but it wasn't unheard of. But maybe it was different because of the fact Orion was a
High Elf.
***
I missed him. I was leaving for the Sun Elf clan territory tomorrow. Theo will be meeting us at the border to bring me in himself. Given the resent uprising it made sense.
I'd avoided going to the ballroom since that night, but I had to go through the ballroom to get my mother's study.
When I walk in the room looks just like it did before that night.
Like her brother hadn't died in this room. Nothing remained from that night.
I sunk down on my knees on the floor and I wept. I wept for him. For the animals that would miss him. For my mother who lost her baby son. For myself because of losing one of my best friends.
Wiping the tears from my face I pick myself up off the ground and continue walking to my mother's office.
Those doors as intimidating as ever. I take a deep breath and open the doors. My mother was sitting in the seating area her face in her hands.
"Hey mom,"
Her head quickly rose. She tried to gather her composure but not before I saw her red face and eyes swollen.
"Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not, I lost my youngest son and gave away my daughter all in the same day. I'm very far from okay."
I walked over to my mom and sat next to her hugging her. Holding her we cried. His funeral pyre was tonight. Only the family of the deceased attend the burning. But after we celebrate. But considering the last celebration is what lead to his death. It will only be the common people tonight who will celebrate his return to the tree of life.
We cried together for what felt like hours before she finally pulls away from me, leaving my arms feeling empty again. Remembering how Emmery passed away in my arms.
My mother starts to wipe away her tears.
"Alderic has handled all the preparations for the funeral pyre tonight and Oleander has prepared for travel, him and Arragon will both be going with you as well as a five other guards." She was stammering a bit when she me said funeral pyre.
"I missed you these last few days. But i understand the space you needed to take. Can I dress you for the ceremony tonight" she asked "I know you're all grown up and don't need your mother to dress you, but you leave tomorrow and, well, I'm going to miss you and worry every second and would just like the chance to be your mother again." My mothers eyes welled with tears. You'd think someone with such a harden shell wouldn't have the kind of feeling she does. But she did. She looked broken. It made my heart sink deeper. And her words cracked a piece of me inside.
"Mom I will never outgrow having a mom." Then I asked, "would you do my hair too?"
She smiled "I'll do the braid that Emmery did for you when you were a small child".
"Thanks mom that would be great."
The next day I walk with my mother to her room to get a dress and then head back to mine to get ready.
She picks out a modest simple white silk gown with long sleeves Like all her dresses it clung to her curves. I looked just like her, except I had my grandmother's cheeks. Chipmunk cheeks my mother called them.
When we get back to my room my mother
digs through my closet finding a gown similar to hers but mine hung from my shoulders. Sitting at my vanity my mother brushes my hair humming a nursery rhyme she sung to all of us when we were babies. Silent tears streamed down her face. I pretended not to see them so she could be vulnerable without feeling embarrassed.
Braiding my hair into three long braids she put flowers Marcy had brought over in my hair.
"You look so beautiful" my mother said.
"When you compliment me, you actually complement yourself since you know I look just like you." I chuckled a bit trying to make her laugh.
"Ha I guess you're right, but we all know I'm not above complimenting myself."
We both laughed a real laugh. First one in days for both of us.
After finishing getting ready Orion and her mother headed to the dining hall to have dinner together before the lighting of the funeral pyre. Dinner was quieter than usual. Sorrow hung in the air above their heads. If a pin dropped, you would hear it echo through the whole hall.
Elliot finally breaking the silence.
"So, Rion you think I have a shot with Sera, or did I lose my chance to your pretty boy bodyguard?"
My mouth hung open and I dropped my fork on the floor the minute he said pretty boy.
"Excuse me?" Shock scribbled over my face
"You thought there might have been a chance before my pretty boy guard?"
The whole of the room filled with laughter.
"I hate to break it to you Elliot, but Sera is way to good for you" Alderic said
"For any of us let's be honest." Oleander said.
Sera was considered a beauty and had exquisite grace. She was the picture perfect representation of elegance. Three of her brothers had crushes on her since she became Orions best friend.
Dinner was okay, all things considered,
everyone tried to stay light hearted. We found a small shred of normalcy for about two hours before it was time to light the pyre.
One by one we went outside to the forest. The pyre was well constructed wood pillar and a top it laid Emmery. The dead always wore a plain simple cotton gown. Flowers of white shrouded his body. We each walked up and blessed his body and soul for rebirth. And each gave one wish for his next life. My father, Alderic, Orleander and Erinn shot and arrow tipped with blue fire at his pillar. My mother, Alistar, Elliot used magic to send a blue fire bolt to his pillar.
I was planning to give him a hell of a send off.
In my hands I willed a single purple flame into my hand and watched it grow into a beautiful burning purple star inbmy hand. I sent it up. Almost seeming to float the one single star flame tobmeet the top of the pyre. Igniting to life a fire of blue and purple. The flames danced beautifully on top of it. No bad smell, in fact it was a sweet jasmine that now filled the air. The family watched holding hands for an hour before returning to the palace. The city celebrated and awed by the spectacle that was the blue and purple smoke. They celebrated until the smoke was no more. His body and soul passed through the tree of life.