Wade zipped through the air, streaking like a human comet as the ocean waves sparkled below. I am a god! No one can stop me! Atomic power, baby! I could fly forever!
(Wait, forever? You know, that sounds suspiciously like a jinx.)
Wade blinked, realizing what he just thought. "No, no, no! I didn't mean it!" he yelled, but it was too late.
His glow started to flicker, sputtering like a dying bulb. ".wai,wai,wai wait ! I take it....I take it back!" he shouted as he wobbled in the air, feeling the power draining from his body. The atomic energy ran out, leaving him to the mercy of gravity.
"Aw, crap..." Wade muttered just as his flight gave out completely.
He plummeted, spiraling down like a falling star until—SPLASH! He hit the sea with a massive belly flop, sinking into the cool waters, surrounded by bubbles.
_
.
.
.
Wade's eyes blinked open as he floated in the murky depths of the ocean, feeling something weird on his neck. "What the hell—gills?" He patted them cautiously, flapping the strange new slits. "Huh. Well, that's one way to not die. I mean, sure, breathing through slits like a fish sounds gross, but it beats choking on seawater. And hey, if this works out, I might apply to be Aquaman's next sidekick. Call me Fishpool."
(B..But I don't want aquaman to rape us!)
Before he could process it, two armored Atlantean guards swam over, their tridents at their sides, though not in an aggressive way. One of them pointed at Wade. "You're expected. The Queen wishes to see you."
"Oh, Queen's got my number, huh? I get it. I'm irresistible. Lead the way, Aqua-bros."
They escorted him through the grand palace halls, which looked like they were ripped straight out of The Little Mermaid—except with more battle scars and significantly fewer catchy tunes. As they moved through the glowing corridors, Wade couldn't help but admire the grandeur of Atlantis. Coral sculptures lined the walls, fish darted in and out of open arches, and light streamed down from hidden skylights.
The guards turned, clearly in no mood for Wade's antics, but that only made him grin wider. He swam along behind them, admiring the underwater kingdom like it was the weirdest acid trip ever. Fish darted in and out of coral palaces, mermaids chatted in the distance, and there was a faint glow that made it look like they were all hanging out in an alien nightclub.
"So," Wade began casually, "how's life in fish town? Do you guys have barbecues down here or is that offensive since, you know, half your neighbors are fish? Do you have, like, a sushi ban or something? 'Cause I gotta tell ya, that would be a real buzzkill. I'd be like, 'Yo, pass me some tuna,' and you'd be all, 'That's my cousin Jeff.' Awkward, right?"
The guards, predictably, said nothing.
Wade rolled his eyes. "Fine, silent types. I get it. But c'mon, let's get to the important stuff. I gotta ask, and don't you dare lie to me... does Aquaman bang fish?"
That did it. One of the guards visibly tensed, but kept his cool. Wade raised an eyebrow. "Ohhh, struck a nerve, did I? I mean, you don't have to say anything, I know the answer already. Dude's basically Poseidon's hornier cousin. Talks to fish, probably gets real close with them too, if you know what I mean."
One of the guards clenched his jaw.
"Oh, you're pissed off now. What, are you guys his wingfish or something? Do you help him out when he's at the Atlantis club, whispering in some octopus's ear, 'Ya know~, the king's got a mighty... trident'? I bet you bros got his back, huh? Bros before... octopussies?"
Wade patted the nearest guard on the shoulder. "Hey, no judgment. I'm sure ol' Aquaman's a real catch, especially for, like, a swordfish."
(A.N: can't deny that tentacles genre and sword fish dildo got me horny when I was 15...so really..no judgements!)
" You guys are just doing your duty, keeping his royal love life private. I respect that."
As they reached a grand chamber lined with shimmering seaweed and glittering shells, the guards exchanged glances. One of them said, "We're here," and with a synchronized heave, they tossed Wade into the room like a discarded fish.
Wade landed with an undignified splat, flipping onto his back, flailing for a moment before he composed himself. "Wow, gentle much? I thought we were all about that royal hospitality down here in fishy town!"
Wade pushed himself upright, dusting off imaginary sea dirt.
Wade pushed himself upright, dusting off imaginary sea dirt. As he looked up, his gaze landed on Mera.
Suddenly ...All of his voices and him had only one word in their mind...
" ( MILF! ) "