"These tattoos represent the balance of life and death!" Hardic exclaimed, voice rising with passion. "The Death Tattoo will drain the very essence of your enemies, leaving them weak, fragile, and eventually—"
Do jellyfish even have butts? Wade wondered. I mean, they gotta poop somehow, right? Or do they just... dissolve it in the water? Wait, do they have to poop at all? Maybe jellyfish are like... the ninjas of the ocean, stealth-pooping in ways no mortal can comprehend.
Professor Hardic was now gesturing wildly at Wade's left arm. Wade half-nodded in response, barely aware of what the man was saying.
And what if jellyfish do have butts, but like... really weird ones? Maybe their whole body is just one giant, wiggly butt. No wonder they float around all smug. Wade's mind was racing. And how does jellyfish sex even work? Do they just kinda... float into each other and hope for the best? Or is it like some crazy tentacle dance?
"—and this line connects the two tattoos, forming the balance between—"
Wade stared harder at the jellyfish. What if I got a jellyfish for a pet? I could name it... Captain Jiggles. We'd solve crimes together. Underwater detective agency. 'Wade Wilson and Captain Jiggles: Crimefighters of the Deep!' I bet he'd have a cool voice, like morgan freeman.
Professor Hardic's voice started to rise in excitement. Wade automatically nodded again, muttering, "Yeah, totally. Makes sense. Yin and yang. Life and death. Poop and... not poop."
Just as Professor Hardic's eyes widened in confusion at Wade's bizarre statement "Wh... wha—?"
The door to the room slammed open with a loud bang. A guard, looking flustered and out of breath, stormed in. "The Queen requests your immediate presence," he said urgently, his eyes scanning the room. "All of you. That includes you too, Professor Hardic."
Wade immediately perked up, his jellyfish thoughts scattering. He jumped to his feet with mock enthusiasm. "Ah! Finally, a reason to leave before I hear about the mystical balance of octopus butts or whatever you were going on about, Professor."
Hardic shot Wade a bewildered glance, still not over the poop comment, but before he could recover, Wade patted him on the back. "Don't worry, Prof, I'm sure the Queen will love hearing all about your yin-yang-butt-theory. Let's go before I lose any more brain cells."
The professor, clearly frustrated but unable to argue, simply sighed and followed the guard. Wade, as always, walked with a spring in his step, eyes darting around for more distractions.
Captain Jiggles is probably waiting outside. Better get back to the deep-sea mercenary business.
___
In the grand throne room of Atlantis, Queen Mera sat with regal poise, her expression cool yet commanding as she eyed Professor Hardic, who stood sheepishly before her. Wade, Garth, and Tula stood nearby, with Wade whistling softly as he admired the lavish decor, half-expecting an underwater disco ball to drop down at any moment.
Queen Mera's voice cut through the silence. "Professor, I have one simple question for you: why is there an enraged Glaucus Atlanticus throwing a tantrum near the outskirts of Atlantis?"
Professor Hardic shifted on his feet, avoiding her piercing gaze. He let out an awkward chuckle, his eyes darting around the room nervously. "Haha... Well, Your Majesty, I may or may not have gotten a bit... enthusiastic when I made a breakthrough with my latest theory."
The Queen's eyebrow arched, unimpressed. "Enthusiastic? What exactly did you do, Professor?"
Hardic scratched the back of his head and muttered, "I, uh... might've gathered some of their... important materials."
Mera's eyes narrowed. "Important materials? Like what?"
There was a pause, and Hardic hesitated before mumbling, "Um… their eggs?"
"Eggs?" Mera repeated, her voice dropping dangerously low.
"Ha… ha…" The professor let out a strained laugh, his face now the color of a sunburned sea cucumber. "Yes, Your Majesty. Their… very rare… and quite temperamental… eggs."
Wade, who had been doing his best to not burst into laughter, finally leaned toward Garth and whispered, "So, basically,....he pissed off a sea dragon mom. And they called me a madman!."
Meanwhile, Mera was visibly holding back her irritation. "Professor Hardic, if we survive this incident, you will return those eggs immediately. Do you understand?"
"Well, I—" Hardic stammered, adjusting his glasses nervously. "I can't! I just used them to make the Life Tattoo!"
"The Life Tattoo?" Mera echoed incredulously. "What are you talking about?"
Hardic's excitement bubbled over. "I couldn't find anything more perfect! I can't betray science nor magic to create this! It's groundbreaking!"
Mera sighed, her patience waning. "I think I need to summon the Justice League…"
"Haaaa! But husband and most of them are already in space right now, but I won't just sit still," Mera continued, her voice rising with determination.
"Who needs them?" Wade exclaimed, throwing out his arms dramatically. "I can do it!"
"Really, Wade?! You can?" Mera shot back, disbelief painted across her face.
"Anything for my queen," he said with an exaggerated bow, his playful tone underscoring the chaos at hand.
With a reluctant nod, Mera led the way, Garth following close behind, while Wade strutted along as if he were on a runway. However, his swagger quickly faltered when they reached the outskirts of Atlantis.
Wade's eyes widened as they approached the massive creature thrashing in the depths. "Whaaaat the fuuuu—" His voice trailed off, half in awe and half in terror. The sea dragon was colossal, its size dwarfing them; it was bigger than ten whales swimming in unison.
Not only that, it had the unnerving ability to control water, swirling the ocean around it like a whirlpool. As if sensing their presence, the dragon turned its fierce gaze upon them and let out a roar that shook the very foundations of Atlantis.
"Uh, guys, I think it wants to eat us," Wade squeaked, taking a step back, only to have Garth and Mera rush forward to confront the beast.
Garth charged first, drawing upon his water manipulation powers to create a barrier of swirling currents, aiming to distract the beast. "my queen! Get ready to strike!"
Mera nodded, her posture shifting into a fighting stance. She conjured water blades, shimmering with energy, and flung them toward the dragon. But the beast was quicker; it dodged with an agility that belied its size and countered with a powerful sweep of its tail.
The force knocked Garth off his feet, sending him tumbling through the water. Mera leaped to catch him, but the dragon wasn't done. With a mighty roar, it unleashed a torrent of water that pushed them both back, sending them spiraling into the building below.
Wade watched, mouth agape, as the queen and her friend fought valiantly. "C'mon, Garth, don't be such a fish outta water!" he shouted, desperately trying to keep his own fear in check.
But the dragon was relentless. It dove into the depths and then surged upward, crashing into Mera and Garth with an explosive splash, sending them flying like ragdolls. Mera grunted as the beast's massive jaws snapped dangerously close, its teeth like serrated rocks.
"Get back!" she shouted, summoning her strength to push against the current. But it was no use. The dragon, irritated and unfazed, countered her attacks with a furious tail whip that sent Garth spiraling backward, gasping for breath.
Wade's heart raced. "Okay, big guy, let's talk about this!" he shouted, attempting to sound brave. "You know you can't !"
With a powerful stroke, the dragon lunged, jaws snapping dangerously close to him. Wade barely had time to react "No! Don't eat me! I'm not even that tasty!" he begged, his voice a mix of panic and absurdity.
But instead of a vicious bite, the dragon leaned forward, its massive head lowering to Wade's level. It sniffed him curiously, its warm breath washing over him like a tidal wave. Wade froze, his bravado faltering as the dragon's large eyes narrowed, assessing him.
Then, in a surprising twist, the dragon gently bit down on Wade's shoulder, its teeth more like a soft grip than a vicious attack. It felt oddly protective, almost maternal, like a cat pulling in its kitten. Wade gasped, feeling the pressure but not the pain, as the dragon's jaws enveloped him in a warm embrace. The sensation was bizarre; he was being lifted off the ground with a gentleness that belied the creature's size and ferocity.
"Uh… okay, this is new!" Wade exclaimed, bewildered. He flailed for a moment before surrendering to the situation. "Is this some kind of weird dragon hug?"
The dragon, sensing his acceptance, pulled him closer, and in a sudden burst of speed, it dove into the depths of the ocean. Wade's stomach lurched as they plunged downward, surrounded by swirls of shimmering water and colorful coral. He could hear muffled sounds of the world above, but they faded as they descended deeper.
Wade clung to the dragon's neck, half terrified and half exhilarated. "I just wanted a tour of Atlantis!" he shouted, his voice swallowed by the surrounding water. "Not a one-way trip to the dragon lair!"
The dragon swam with surprising agility, navigating through underwater tunnels that twisted and turned like a labyrinth. The colors of the coral and the creatures that flashed by were mesmerizing, but his focus remained on the fact that he was being carried away by a massive sea creature that might mistake him for its offspring.
"Hey, I know I'm cute and all," Wade yelled, attempting to lighten the mood, "but I'm not actually a dragon! Just a dude trying to live my life!"
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