Chapter 30 - Try to be remembered

Telling things to Kai means an attempt to drop the mask, and trust him with what's behind. Sure, Sunless might not be forced to put his trust on him, and fate won't force him to do that again. He can live his life as a loner to the end of days. The one that he often wanted to embrace. But that isn't his true desire anymore. Perhaps it never was. Even if he didn't realize that earlier, even if he decided to hide at the end of the world, he still would return eventually.

That implicitly also means an attempt to reignite his friendships.

"I'll try that."

Kai turned himself into a dragon, and exclaimed in a not loud but eerily melodious, and hard voice. Very beautiful, and demanding. Fortunately the demand was safe for him to hear.

"REMEMBER WHO IS THAT GUY!"

"Did it work?"

"REMEMBER THAT GUY!"

He repeated again, and again. It looked ridiculous. For a moment there was something like a pause. Then he tried again. The need to repeat suggested it failed. Otherwise why would he have to repeat himself? But something… was amiss. If he keeps on immediately forgetting, how can he know he has to try again?

Sunny could tell what's going on. To use his power Kai has to infuse his soul essence into his voice using his aspect. While giving himself a command, he spends some soul essence. That soul essence then is spent, meaning it's missing.

Even if Kai doesn't remember his attempts knows that the last one had to fail simply by the fact he still doesn't recall the man standing before him, while his essence disappeared somewhere. That indicated he attempted, and this time he has to try harder.

"Saint Kai, for some reason it doesn't work. Thanks for trying anyway.'

Sunny felt hurt, but also he had some hope it wouldn't work. If a command could defy fate, what would he do next anyway?

"One more time. You're telling the truth that we met before so I refuse to believe you didn't leave a print in my memories. I remember my fans. I keep in mind all the people I swear to protect."

The dragon refused him with strange stubbornness, and over-responsibility that bordered on the verge of madness. But at the same time Kai had some decent idea. While no one could remember Sunny there was still a sense of familiarity his former friends felt around him. The memories were never truly obliterated. The minds just lost their conscious access to them. And Kai doesn't want to forget people so from time to time he probably commands himself to remember that or another person.

With his Weaver's sight Sunny saw a great drop in Kai's essence. It was fuelled into something in his soul before.

"REMEMBER THAT MAN!"

It was the most oppressive command he ever heard from Kai. The power of this command was so great that the wind itself echoed, no, played along to this melody. Sunny's senses were heavily shocked by the sheer intensity of the command. He felt like he himself was going to remember himself. Which is impossible because he remembers himself very well already with exceptional clarity. So even if the command was addressed to him, it would be all meaningless.

Contrary to that, Kai should feel the compulsion of his own power very directly, and unsubtly.

"You left us right before the final battle. I forgive you that. But why?"

Sunny's eyes sparkled. It worked. It really worked. Now he could again start messing around.

"I learned that I can break the shackles of fate at the Estuary. I always wanted that. I've made a choice to break them, and had to go at that specific moment to achieve that. Short story: I was selfish. I'm sorry. Did it really work, your voice?"

Kai was still disoriented. But somehow he brushed of all the things, and said with a note of nostalgia.

"I see. It had to be hard for you. You have to tell me what… AGAIN!"

Kai broke the sentence as if something took away his attention, and he couldn't go back. Because of exhausting his essence Kai wasn't able to maintain his dragon transformation. Kai sat on the ground, showing signs of weakness.

"I failed, right?"

Kai was right. If he's asking about his failure, then there's no way he didn't fail.

"Yes, unfortunately."

But that didn't satisfy Kai.

"I failed, right?"

'Shit.'

"Yes, bu…"

"I failed, right?"

They entered a cursed loop, when Kai has to ask if he failed, because only that way he can explain why he doesn't have any essence, and Sunny has to answer because of his flaw. Then because of his fatelessness Kai immediately forgets the answer, so again he only knows there's a reason why his essence is depleted.

"Yes."

"I failed…"

It won't lead them anywhere.

"Don't! Please. You're going to ask that question I will have to answer, and that wouldn't be good for you. Thanks for your determination, Saint Kai. Sorry for the trouble."

On purpose he left his answer vague. As long as Kai won't be sure he's the man he forgot, it's safe. He tried that with Aiko, and then with Nephis, and Cassie, and he managed to make them only suspicious about his situation. He could even imply he's forgotten, and banished from the Spell. It's still okay if he doesn't mention something implying that they have a past. By cautious choice of the words he carefully reattached himself to them. He's still a mysterious stranger. Therefore he can leave Kai in suspicion too.

Sunny wasn't really sure even if it's going to work. Mostly because his attempt is based roughly on speculations of the nature of his predicament. Since the day he wasn't recognized by Nephis that question still assaulted him. Why does no one remember him? Is it really because fate is needed to exist or to be remembered? He still wasn't convinced about that. He really exists. It can't be different. Otherwise who would even be troubled by being forgotten? He has an unreasonably stellar recollection of his life. These memories could be false. He was pretty sure that Cassie could mess up his head if she wanted, and he wouldn't even notice… Assuming it didn't happen somehow fate didn't forbid him from knowing himself.

Of course, there can be different reasons. He himself is a very unusual existence in so many ways that attempts to guess the correct one are just walking in the dark. Fate is a vast, and elusive thing so comprehending it is not an option. It's already a miracle that some creatures are still able to challenge it. So that was his plan, using Kai's voice to try to challenge fate's influence on Kai's memories. After all, aspects are known for defying the usual flow of things, and fate is something that even the most ordinary human has.

At first he thought that it's Cassie who would do that, but all that time she was still unable to try anything. Somehow that left only Kai. It surprisingly somewhat worked, at least for a moment. It just required unreasonably huge amounts of soul essence, and even then the effect could only be temporary. Which makes him hopeless again.

"Sunless, what are you thinking about? You're zoning out."

"I think my problems have a solution, but it's still all a riddle to me."

Kai expressed his consternation. So innocent that it pains to deny it.

"For me you're still talking in riddles. It's not even nice to hear."

"Such is the matter. I can't let you really understand what it's all about. Otherwise literally the world itself would do something."

"I see you still don't lie to me. Is that all you wanted?"

"Actually no, there are still other things I wanted to talk about with you."

"For example?"

"Flute playing."

"Why do I have to extract fangs?"

"You don't have to, but it's the hardest material to come by. It will be hard for you to get something better."

"I think I can consider buying some."

"And do you know how much it costs? Manufactured things these days can easily put a hole in your wallet. These arrows you used to kill the bear cost me quite a lot. Even Awakened have to count their credits while affording them. But start to make them, and you can even put your hands on that money yourself."

Rain nodded, and took the soul shard. She put it on a rock, and unleashed her dagger and placed it on the top of the shard. She pressed it using her weight, and eventually the shard crushed. The shard soon melted into the air, leaving nothing behind as if it was made of nothingness.

She felt pain in her chest. The shard is probably the most pricy part of a Nightmare Creature. If she had it sold, she could obtain a significant amount of credits, exceeding her monthly allowance several times. It was also quite light, while the hide weighs many kilograms, making it quite a task just to carry it with her.

Also it's not simple to extract the fangs. While the gap wasn't enormous she could definitely feel it's still there. The strength she would normally use to cut meat would not suffice against a Dormant Beast. But that was still easily within her capabilities. She patiently extracted all of them, cleaned out a bit, and started moving before the scent could get her attention from other creatures.

She was tired from the hunt, and normally she would use the bottle provided by her teacher, but he strictly forbade her from carrying it during the hunt. He said that otherwise she would grow dependent on it in managing her stamina. He clearly wanted just to observe her struggles despite how easy it would be for him to just carry her to the capital .

"You were thinking something about me."

"Oh, I was just contemplating how kind, thoughtful, and benevolent a teacher you are."

It was unclear if that thing would ever let her to become an Awakened, but the hope was really enough to drive her far. Also it's not like she has any good choice. A shady man that at very least is a Master, had put her under that pressure. If she won't awaken, there's really no hope for her to get away from him. It's for the simple fact that to get some actual protection from the mysterious man she needs backing, and a pretext. Just someone giving her some training, and advising her during a hunt isn't a reason to call the police. She could also try to face her Nightmare, but that would be just a suicide.

Till she is in a better position she has to follow that man. Till then she should avoid antagonizing him at all cost. … and maybe even discourage him a little.

"Are you at least sure that the thing about awakening me is going to work?"

Her teacher smirked unusually. She could tell that somehow he was pretty confident.

"Ninety seven percent sure."

"Why three percent not?"

"Because still none of my other disciples fully formed their Soul Core. That's why. Though they seem to be really close. They can sense, and control their essence."

"I'm not going to be first?"

"Of course, not. If I just wanted to find out if you can become an Awakened there would be no worth making you hunt. You're my precious disciple. Now pack your things, and let's head back. No, I'm not gonna carry you."

She wasn't the first one he's going to train so at any moment he can think she could be replaced with another disciple. The problem is what's going to happen if he does. Also… how is he able to spare her so many attention why managing several disciples?

'Did he abandon them at some point? Is it really that hard to fully form a core?'

It's still beyond her to consider such things. She put a mask with a filter on her face, and started her exhausting walk back to the capital. The air around her master seemed to be much more clear, but she couldn't be sure.