Chereads / The 61 / Chapter 8 - Chapter seven

Chapter 8 - Chapter seven

"It... Sounds... So nice.." Adrian smiled softly, "Empty?... Quiet... Peaceful." Soren gently stopped him, "I did it because I thought no one cared about me.."

"That's not true! We all love you Soren how could you-" Adrian immediately had something to say about that, however Soren quickly stopped him, "Hey, let me finish," he said, sitting up again, "The point that I was making; was that nobody would miss me, if they'd even notice I was gone. Sure, like three people would be sad for a few weeks but it won't have a big impact on the way this place runs. But everyone will miss you, you have so many friends and you're blessed to have not one, but three amazing siblings in this place. It does sound incredible, it was incredible, but what benefits would you have? If you really want to do it, I won't stop you, and I'm not telling you not to because you're friends will miss you. I'm telling you to consider wether you would really be happier, with no one at all. Would it really be worth it for you?"

"Did you.. did you actually just fucking say that? Three people? Who am I to you? If you killed yourself, how will that have no effect?? People are going crazy, what do you think they would've done if you succeeded? What do you think Simon would've felt? I know you think you're some kind of bad guy, but do you have any fucking idea how scared I am everyday for my brother's? They are my everything, my fucking life, it feels like they are a part of me. And you can ask, every single twin will say that about their siblings, even if you don't know it, he loves you more then you could ever possibly imagine. Fuck, he cried for the first time in six years when that doctor told us you wouldn't make it. And that you've lost too much blood. I've never in my life seen a man so-.. broken.... So you have no right be saying stuff like that. Yes, I have a lot to live for, and I appreciate what you said I really do and I promise to take that into consideration if I ever got close, but you should really start to- you don't even have to appreciate us, just fucking acknowledge us Soren." And with that's Adrian got up and stormed out, he knew it wasn't Sorens fault, but he still couldn't help but feel hurt that he would just completely disregard his feelings like that, as if he didn't even know how much he cared about him.

"You were on the top three, Adrian.." Soren called out after him, Adrian froze, he looked back momentarily and quickly went out of the room, struggling to maintain his smile as he walked into the bright sunny daylight.

"Adrian! Come play with us!" Raven and Kai called out in unison the moment they saw him, Adrian let himself smile and went to go play Uno with his friends.

This might be an... Unusual reaction to self harm and suicide, well, if everyone else is hurting them, why not hurt themselves? There were very little who thought badly of self harm, but those who did, thought very badly of it.

"I can't believe he would do that to himself..." Chicago said, sitting down in the cafeteria with Mia looking straight down on his lap, "I know... I never knew he had demons like that." Mia mumbled, leaning into him and having him hug her, "We should've just left him..." Saint mumbled, "How can you say that?" Chicago suddenly asked, his voice seemed angry and frustrated, "Bro, can you really blame him? He has it worse then most of us." Saint said, slowly pulling Mia towards himself, "We all have the same shit to deal with, do you see anyone else doing that to themselves?" Chicago didn't realize, and Mia seemed to get anxious.

"Chicago... Half the kids are doing it." Adrian said, "I'm doing it, Mia's doing it, Snow, Milo, Akashi. Even Atlas, it's not like we're new to pain, it's just a way to feel human." Adrian most certainly did not realize what he was saying or to who, he barely cared, and he didn't realize how sensitive Chicago was to it until Saint verbally told him to shut up.

Chicago stared at him, "Say something..." Adrian whispered, feeling uncomfortable and intimidated by the constant staring, "Say something?!!" Chicago suddenly yelled, slamming his hand on the table as the veins on his forehead popped out. Everyone around him flinched, Mia visibly jumping into Saints arms and hiding her head in Saints chest, "Dude, calm down, you're scaring her." Saint touched Chicago's shoulder, holding Mia tightly as she began to tremble. But Chicago didn't calm down, and he knew he was getting too angry. So instead of continuing a fight he knew he wouldn't win he simply got up and stormed out of the cafeteria.

Mia looked at Adrian, "How could you tell him that..." She asked, with small tears in her eyes, "I didn't even tell you, you forced me... Does it really come to that much of a surprise some of us doesn't want the whole world to know?"

Adrian stayed silent, starting to realize what he had said, "I'm sorry.." "Yea, well sorry isn't enough now is it?" She said, getting up from her seat and storming out herself, she sat in the forest for a few minutes just regretting ever having told anyone before she was interrupted by Sage.

"So umm... Haa.. there's no point in saying this gently, a lot of people are asking questions, and they're expecting me to know the answers when I didn't even know myself..." He sat next to her and gently touched her hand, his whole hand wrapping around her small fingers, "Why didn't you tell me?..." Mia stayed silent, "Can you show me?..." Sage tried not to intrude too much, but his curiosity got the best of him.

Mia slowly pulled her hand away from Sage, bringing her sleeve up, being left handed the cuts were on her right wrists, she showed him the endless scars, some fresh, some old, some already healed.

"I didn't want to tell you... Because it proved.. how damaged I was... I thought that... You would..." Mia didn't finish her sent sentence, she didn't finish one before starting the next, Sage looked at her wrist and sighed, "So many... How long?.." he whispered, gently taking her wrist and bringing it up to his lips, placing small kisses onto her scars.

"Since we were 11..." Sage looked up at Mia at her words, "11?... You've been hiding it for so long..." He said, a bit of a statement, a bit of a question, a bit of both. He didn't even know how to react, "I'm sorry... I wanted to tell you so many times, I felt like I was lying to you..." Mia whispered, her eyes spilling small tears onto her rosy cheeks, blushing softly at the contact Sages lips made with her wrists.

"Mia... I love you so much, I will never be mad at you for this... It's just-... I don't... Want you to do it, if you'll forgive me for saying... I agree with Chicago, it's wrong to... Hurt yourself in my opinion.." Sage was careful, careful not to overstep, or let it slip, or upset her. He just wanted to express how he felt about it, "Will you please stop?... For me?..." He almost begged, but Mia brought her hand back, and held it close to her chest, "I'm not sure I can..."

"What do you mean?" Sage asked, slowly putting his hand over her shoulder making sure to look closely if she rejects him or not, but seeing her rest her head on his shoulder and lean into him made his nerves ease, "I honestly feel addicted to it..." Mia admitted, "What do you mean?" Sage asked, holding her tightly.

"It gets so itchy... I start panicking and my hands starts trembling, and it doesn't stop until I... Hurt myself, everytime I look at my arm I just-... I just can't stand it. I feel like... I need it to hurt."

Sage played around with idea that this might be the cause of PaperCut, but honestly, he thought that she just had self worth and depression issues, which he already knew she did. So instead of telling her to just stop, he rather decided to work on the mental problems she faced and hoped that she would get better and stop hurting herself before he found her in a pool of her own blood.

And he tried, he really did, he explained that he never really understood the cause or severity of her mentally, and Mia was quick to note that it wasn't his fault since she was hiding it from him. He asked her to promise him that she wouldn't hide anything she's struggling with from him, but she couldn't. And he accepted that it wasn't time yet, that she had just been forced into an ungodly spotlight because her secret was revealed without her consent. And he knew that it wasn't that easy, and that her problems won't just go away over night.

But she didn't want the help, she just wanted to be left alone so she lied that she was better and didn't do it anymore, but she was simply cutting somewhere else and dealing with the constant need to open her wrist.

It's not that she didn't appreciate it, she just couldn't handle the attention, she felt like she was constantly in the spotlight no matter what she was doing, and that her every single move was being watched, she couldnt handle being treated like a baby constantly so she lied, she didn't want to; but she did. And there was no going back after that, because then her love would know and she was terrified of being hated because of it.

As for Soren? He continued doing it as well, but after a few times that he ended up fainting or getting too dizzy he decided that it wasn't worth it, and that he didn't trust himself enough. And after catching Jamie crying while washing the blood out of his blankets he decided he didn't want to do it anymore, he would rather continue suffering, then make Jamie suffer.

And Adrian? No one cared, so neither did he, he kept opening his wrists and nobody even batted an eye, and he wasn't even hiding it. The most anyone cared was that day with Soren, and I'd be lying if I said he never got close, very close at times. To the point where it was difficult to stand up and where he'd faint for only a few moments at a time, but it was noticeable, and instead of doing to feel better, he started doing it as a punishment.

He always blamed himself to a point, that Soren never loved him, and as he grew older and older and years went by that not even a hello in the morning was spoken from Soren, he just kept blaming himself for not being good enough. So he punished himself for it, he became one in eight of the kids here who developed an eating disorder, he thought that if he was skinnier and smaller like Jamie, then Soren would like him more. He wasnt in anyway overweight, he was usually covered in muscles and he's quite tall for his age just like his brother's, standing at a whopping 5,10, and in every way the people around him would describe him as being very attractive, a strong jawline, big, full lips, dirty blonde hair and bright green eyes, and to many a perfect body. He was identical to both his brothers in every way possible, the only differences between the three being scars on their faces that PaperCut purposely made to keep track of who's who. Adrian having one on his left cheek, Saint on his right and Chicago over his eyebrow. Along with obviously different scars all over their bodies and beauty marks, and Saints warm toned blonde hair, turning more into a golden cherry blonde.

So seeing what used to be a picture perfect body, frail and weak must've been discouraging, don't you think? No, still no one cared about that. The only thing they noticed was that his energy had gotten weaker and he was sleeping more, so his friend's distanced themselves hoping that they were being too much for him to keep up with and after a few days or even weeks of having some time to himself he would come back to normal. Which, how was he supposed to know that? He thought it was his fault, and his self worth became even dimmer.

The only people who ever noticed was his siblings, Simon and Soren. Though, Mia had the same problem, and didn't see the harm in it, she thought that he was beautiful no matter what he looked like and loved him no matter what he liked best for himself. And Chicago basically ignored him, he was angry and hurt that his own brother would be doing this to himself, and whenever he tries to reason with Adrian he didn't listen; and Saint just didn't care, he hadn't noticed how much it was effecting his physical health and said that it doesn't matter what Adrian does to himself, as long as it doesnt hurt him. He cared that Adrian didn't get sickly, but he didn't think it was any of his business to tell him he's not allowed to when at the end of the day, Adrian had convinced Saint that this was plainly the way he liked himself better. Just like Saint liked himself better when he started working out more, and why would Adrian ever lie to his own brother?

Contrary to the opinions of the siblings, Simon had a lot to say about this. He saw it everytime Adrian skipped a meal, or threw it up in the bathroom, and he saw very easily how ill he was becoming because of it. He even saw the way he would blush and smile softly whenever Soren was around him, Simon knew that Adrian genuinely believed he looked so much better and was pleasing Soren. On the year they turned seventeen, Simon finally couldn't stand it anymore and forced his way into Adrian's brain.

"Wow, Adrian your- that looks incredible." Soren spoke softly, staring up at Adrian's eyes, he had been practicing to do his own makeup, as it was the only thing he had the energy for. And had done a beautiful red and black eyeshadow and graphic liner, it really did look incredible, like a work of art pasted onto Adrians face and even Soren could appreciate it.

"Thank you..." Adrian mumbled, blushing heavily and fiddling his fingers finding it difficult to make eye contact with Soren, Soren stared for a few moments, then simply continued walking to his shower, Adrian tried to say something, anything to just get him to stay nothing came out of his mouth.

Simon came out of his shower right as Soren went in, he saw Adrian's defeated look and assumed that Soren hadn't cared about his makeup, so he did.

"Wow- and I mean wow, Audri, that looks incredible." He said, gently touching Adrian's cheek and lifting it up so he could see, along with the triplets, Simon and Soren where identical as well, exactly the same accept for the scars on either cheek and the fact that Simon was a few inches taller, and Soren already being taller then Adrian, he had to properly look up at Simon, being 6,3.

"Please... Stop calling me that." Adrian mumbled, turning away from him and taking his wash clothe out of his shower bag and wetting it in the sink, dragging it over his eye needing the mirror to see if the makeup was properly being washed.

"Audri- Adria-.... Adrian..." Simon struggled to get himself to say 'Adrian' instead of 'Audri', to him it was like a completely different person, "Please... Can you please just tell me why.." Simon whispered, gently wrapping his arms around Adrian's waist and hugging him with his wet, naked body, only having a towel around his waist.

"You're hurting yourself so much and it feels like-... Like nothing I say matters to you..."