After the figure of him leaving in a hurry disappeared from sight, a heavy sigh was heard, as if precisely timed. I slowly turned around and saw the person who made the sigh narrowing his eyes and beckoning me over with his fingertip.
However, in the face of this action of his, instead of feeling uneasy or restless, a feeling of "finally it comes" of helplessness welled up in my heart.
"The words I want to say now, you understand, right?"
"Well, roughly I do."
Hearing his voice at this moment which is different from the leisurely one just now, my back couldn't help but straighten up slightly.
"Right. I have a deep impression of you."
"Yes, and I do of you too."
I know this person in front of me who is frowning and stubbing out his shortened cigarette with a portable ashtray - Carl. Not only myself, but we both realized this the moment our eyes met.
However, it's certain that we are not the kind of acquaintances who are delighted by reunion. Instead, an indescribable awkward feeling first spreads in our hearts.
If possible, I really want to pretend that I didn't see anything and turn around and leave. That's this complicated feeling.
"You are Mithy, right."
"Yes."
Hearing this nickname that hasn't been called for a long time, I unconsciously frowned.
"Because your name is Blake Smith, so you are called Mithy, right."
Carl pointed at me, and his brow was also wrinkled in the same way.
"I thought you were quite young back then, but how old were you when you were going in and out of there? By the way, how old are you now. The last time we met was two years ago, right? But it seems you started showing up even earlier."
"I'm twenty now. I think I was about eighteen when I last saw Carl."
During high school, I kept going in and out of that BAR. However, until the day I last saw Carl, I really don't remember the specific situation accurately.
"Fool, too young! Even considering your young age, I thought you were twenty-three or twenty-four. Are you a college student now?"
Carl lit another cigarette. I shrugged, and he showed a very bitter expression. But I'm sure I showed the same expression too.
I really don't want to meet people who knew me before here.
"I myself also played around wildly, so I'm not in a position to judge others or talk too much. But Ben is an important friend to me... And now?"
"Not in contact at all."
After entering college, when I saw that person again, I felt very guilty and decided not to go there anymore.
"Well, that's good... If you were still playing around, I would definitely beat you up."
With a click of the lighter, the fire was lit and a wisp of purple smoke rose in front of my eyes. On the other side of the smoke was an indescribable expression.
"I won't tell that guy about our going in and out of the same store, but sooner or later he'll find out. You tell him yourself when the time comes... By the way, Daniel that guy should have noticed too."
Seeing Carl smacking his lips and scratching his hair restlessly, I couldn't help but sigh.
- Daniel, I actually know him too.
Seeing the name written on the invitation to the photo exhibition that Zoe brought, I immediately remembered.
That day, when I saw his face, my memory became even clearer, but he didn't seem to notice me at all. In a sense, I'm even grateful for his poor memory.
People I knew in BAR Rabbit showing up now has no benefit for me. Especially if that person knew about these, there definitely wouldn't be anything happy. The me in the past and the me now are so different.
"Well, your temperament has changed a lot now. That guy is stupid and might not notice. You didn't wear glasses back then either, and your hair was longer. By the way, your appearance is completely different too."
Carl's wry smile reminded me of things before I entered college.
But for such small changes in me like this, Zoe was extremely surprised. But at that time I just wanted not to be noticed by that person and just wanted to stay quietly by his side for three years, so I didn't pay much attention. But is there really such a big difference in my appearance between now and before?
"Especially when you are with Ben, the difference is obvious. You didn't smile much back then. Back then I thought it was a statue moving. It was too scary."
"... What kind of metaphor is this."
Carl suddenly burst out laughing loudly. Seeing that he laughed even harder and said "it was this kind of face."
Indeed, when asked if I was an emotional person back then, I might have said no, but I didn't expect it to be that bad.
"You didn't come after breaking up with that seemingly stupid boyfriend, right."
"Can you please erase this memory?"
To be honest, I really want to erase the past before meeting Ben and pretend it never happened.
I don't really want him to know too much about these things. I looked at Carl in confusion. His mouth slowly curved up, and I knew that the emotions in his heart had been sorted out. The sharpness in his gaze looking at me also disappeared.
"You should know how flustered I was when I saw you. I didn't know how to cover it up. It drove me crazy."
"Same here."
I narrowed my eyes, sighed towards Carl and shrugged.
The moment I stepped into this living room, I noticed Carl's figure. When he saw people, his eyes widened and he froze unnaturally.
"However, Ben's boyfriend is actually Mithy. What a small world."
"Yes."
I never dreamed that the good friend of the person I have a crush on is actually someone from my past that I don't want to recall anymore.
I'm just an acquaintance of Carl to the extent of greeting and chatting when we meet, but in that small space, most customers would remember the face after seeing them once. However, Carl's behavior in the store is particularly flamboyant. Maybe seeing him once is enough.
"And that guy is crazy about you. More serious than when he was with Yolanda, Ben that guy."
"Yolanda?"
"Ah, well... Ben's, last girlfriend."
Hearing this unfamiliar name, I tilted my head. Carl's face stiffened for a moment. Then he stammered a bit and made the action of scratching the back of his neck. Maybe he didn't really want to talk about this with me. A trace of regret appeared on his face.
"I'll tell you first to prevent you from being shocked when you find out later. Now you... are a bit like Yolanda in temperament."
Carl suddenly looked away and exhaled a puff of smoke. Seeing this action of his, a sharp pain stabbed in my chest and my breathing became rapid. Just hearing the name of Ben's last girlfriend, my heart was already in a mess. Now it feels like being stabbed in a vital part.