Blake seems to be thinking about something and doesn't notice my arrival. Carl is looking this way with a grin. In contrast, Blake appears somewhat restless.
"Guys like this slowpoke are really good."
Blake keeps his head down all the time and doesn't even want to lift it up at all. Carl, on the other hand, laughs more and more happily. I have no idea at all what Carl is talking about. Is it about that thing of who was sleeping where just now?
Basically, why does Blake dislike being with me? Is this the so-called slow-witted part of me that Carl mentioned?
"Blake?"
I lean forward to peek at his face which is lowered. Finally, he notices my existence and slowly lifts his head. When he sees me beside him, he shows a surprised expression.
"What's wrong?"
"No, nothing."
He looks up at me while sighing. I narrow my eyes to look at his expression. That stiff smile looks even more suspicious. His absent-minded look definitely doesn't seem like nothing is wrong.
"Ben, it's better for you not to know."
Facing my hesitant gaze, Blake shrinks his shoulders slightly as if to speak first and draws an invisible boundary line gently. His words and that feeling of rejection make my chest ache slightly.
"Carl knows but I don't?"
Why does Carl know but I don't? This makes me feel extremely sad.
"Well, later."
His ambiguous answer - saying later, when exactly will he tell me? If things continue like this, he will always be evasive and not tell me anything.
"When is later?"
Facing Blake's such reaction, I become irritable again like usual.
I understand in my heart that everyone has a lot of things they don't want to say out loud or let others know, but the emotions surging inside me simply can't be suppressed no matter what. I feel that my emotions are already out of my control and are about to become strange.
"Why do you have such a good relationship with Carl?"
"It just happened naturally."
Regarding my almost unreasonable question, Blake evades it with a smile. Seeing his such answer, I frown, and he holds my hand with a wry smile.
"I'm very restless."
His hand is very warm, but the emotion burning in my heart still can't be eliminated. I mutter softly. Blake widens his eyes.
"Ben?"
He calls my name softly and shakes the depths of his eyes anxiously. His uneasy gaze makes my heart feel like being cut by a knife. Sure enough, I can't resist such an expression of his. I release Blake's somewhat bewildered hand and then hold it again like closing my palm.
In that brief moment - Blake's fingertips hesitate to chase after my hand that is about to leave. Feeling the strength from the re-held hand and the fingertips, I can't help feeling relieved and my cheeks relax.
"Don't be all lovey-dovey in front of people. It's so disgusting. What a big blow it is to single people."
"Just vomit if you want to."
I reply coldly. Carl widens his eyes and stares at me tightly. His gaze makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I don't want to let go of the hand holding Blake's.
"Ben, you. I thought you were amazing when we met last time, but just how infatuated are you with that guy? Oh my, my dear is really amazing."
Carl compares me with Blake, sighs long and then walks towards the open kitchen and slowly turns on the ventilation fan. He takes out a cigarette from the pocket on his chest and shrugs.
Carl is referring to the first time we talked about Blake, right? Being said to be so amazing by him. I must have missed Blake so much back then already.
Now my longing is even stronger than back then. I'm not quite clear about what kind of confused mood I had back then. But I understand that I was already attracted by Blake back then.
"Fossils coming back to life is a miracle in a sense."
"Sorry, I'm a fossil."
Hearing Carl has been saying things like I'm dried up and a fossil since that day, I frown and he laughs loudly.
But I'm very clear that my feelings for Blake are growing stronger day by day and possessiveness has taken a place in my heart.
I hate the extremely ugly feeling of not being able to see Blake and not understanding Blake. Although I understand in my heart, recently my emotions are always out of control. I even feel that maybe, as Carl said, a fossil coming back to life might not be completely wrong.
"It feels so heavy."
However, I don't want to let go of Blake anyway. Now, this is something absolutely unbearable for me. I feel that my feelings are extremely heavy. This kind of feeling, which I've never had before, what exactly is different now?
"It's okay. You never asked for much before. This bit of willfulness, just speak it out."
On the other side of the slowly rising purple smoke, Carl smiles slowly. Different from the smile containing teasing just now, this is a very gentle smile.
Being smiled at so gently by Carl, I feel a bit at a loss. Because Carl is always teasing people and looking down on people, being treated gently by him makes me feel uncomfortable.
"... I'll go get the quilt."
For some reason, I feel a bit uncomfortable and take a step back, separating the hand holding Blake's. Losing the warmth of his hand makes me feel extremely regretful, but seeing Blake looking up and smiling at me makes me feel strangely relieved. As long as Blake smiles gently at me, the vexation in my heart will disappear completely.
Only Blake can disturb my heart, and only he can heal me.
"Shall I help too?"
"No need. It'll be done soon. Just wait here."
He smiles and narrows his eyes to look at me shaking my head. He lifts the fingertip of his separated hand and kisses it like usual. His gentle action warms my chest slightly.
Whenever he kisses my fingertip like this, I feel, ah, now Blake is missing me. This strange sense of relief spreads in my heart. So, I feel that this action contains deeper feelings than I imagined.