Camden
11 years old
Loud. It's too loud out here and hot. The kids in my class are all assholes, stupid and sheltered with no idea of how the world works. They complain about homework and how they didn't get the gaming system they'd wanted or the correct colored phone for Christmas. All they know is that their pantries magically restock themselves and as far as they're concerned, electricity is free.
But it's different for me.
For as long as I can remember, I've been acutely aware of the responsibility that sat upon my mother's shoulders and exactly how irresponsible she was.
My hands were shoved into the pockets of my jeans as I made my way to the swingset across the small field the middle school playground sat on. Despite my best efforts, my jeans were dirt-stained and there was a little speck of the spaghetti sauce I'd dropped on them at lunch on Monday. Today was Thursday and Mom promised to have the water turned back on today. I really hoped I'd get to do my laundry because Jake had already made fun of me for wearing the same pair of pants all week. I had seen the look of pity in Mrs. Peterson's eyes when she had heard my classmate point out the state of my pants before she had mercifully called the class to line up for lunch five minutes early. But I knew better. Instead of paying the water bill, she would be strung out on meth or pills or whatever else she could get her fingers on with her meager gas station paycheck. I doubted there would be more than some cans in the pantry but there was a spaghetti T.V. dinner I had tucked away behind the bags of mixed vegetables for a rainy day.
Just as I reached the swings, Jake, short, stocky with close-cropped brown hair and a mean streak, swooped in to take the last open swing. I immediately veered towards the slides, avoiding his sneering face. They were attached to a fort-like structure, one side with a large canopy where other kids usually hang out.
I made my way up the wooden steps to the first open platform and continued, keeping close to the rails as I passed a younger boy with mousy brown hair and wire-rimmed glasses. He gave me a glance before we passed each other but I kept my eyes trained ahead at the spot on the next platform that I planned on occupying. There was already a small group of three girls huddled in one corner quietly conversing amongst themselves. They almost looked as if they were sharing a secret and I couldn't help but let my gaze drift to them, two facing the railing and the third with her back to it. The girl whose face I could see from where I was approaching suddenly turned her face in my direction, her round eyes pleading, brimming with tears that made her pale green eyes look glassy, cheeks bright red.
My steps falter as our eyes catch but one of the girls presses a manicured finger into the green-eyed girl's chest and her eyes dart back to the girls in front of her as the one who was jabbing her finger into her chest hissed threats that I couldn't quite make out except for the word 'bitch.'
I kept walking towards my intended corner but much slower now, my eyes on the green-eyed girl as I passed the three. She looked shaken but they weren't hurting her, not physically at least, so I had no desire to stick my hand into that particular barrel of snakes.
Just as I finally looked away, there was a shout. I whipped around to see the green-eyed girl surge forward, her face a mask of fury just before the girl with the perfect blond hair shoved her hands into the green-eyed girl's chest, sending her stumbling into the railing, her arms flailing, hands grabbing the metal tube that made up the top rail as the tilted back.
I didn't think, I just acted.
Before I knew what had happened, I had a hand wrapped around the back of the green-eyed girl's neck, my hips pressed to hers as I yanked her towards me. Her black Vans made a soft thud as they returned to the metal platform beneath us between my own ratty pair of Walmart sneakers that had a hole in the sole of the right shoe.
I heard the fleeing steps of the girls as they realized they had almost sent someone to the hospital for what was probably a petty squabble. My eyes didn't leave the face of the green-eyed girl who stared up at me with wide eyes, so wide the whites showed. Her chest heaved with heavy breaths that fanned across my neck. She was pretty with raven hair that I could feel sliding across the back of my hand as we stood frozen in time. My heart felt like it stopped in my chest only to jolt back to life, beating against my rib cage so hard and fast it hurt.
"Thank you." The breathy squeak of words snaps me out of my daze, my fingers lingering against her nape, brushing against the fine little hairs as I step back, pulling my hand away. The goosebumps that rose on her arms didn't go unnoticed and the sight gave me a sense of satisfaction along with a chill down my spine.
"You're welcome." I take another step back and she wipes the back of her hand over her eyes, scrubbing the imaginary tears away before she darts a nervous look around at our surroundings. When her eyes landed back on me, I was already turning to go where I'd originally intended to spend my recess but instead of scurrying off like a scared little bunny, she followed after me, her shoes tapping out a quick little rhythm behind me until she was at my side, staring up once again as she gave me a friendly smile.
"My name is Evelynn." Her voice is stronger this time, clearer.
I waited until I reached my corner of the canopied area before answering. I leaned back against the support, taking a moment of her soft features, pale skin, and straight hair pinned behind small ears. Soft pink lips.
"I'm Camden." I finally spoke just as her smile fell as if I had broken her heart by waiting so long to answer. Her face was so expressive.
She perked right back up, giving me a thousand-watt smile as she clasped her hands at the front of her black polo shirt. "I'm in Mrs. Banner's class, fifth grade."
"Mrs' Peterson. Sixth grade."
"Oh, cool." She stands in front of me, to the side, near the railing but still a few feet away from both me and the rail as if she's afraid the inanimate metal pipe could bite her. This makes a smirk ghost my lips before disappearing as quickly as it came.
There are a few moments of silence between us as she turns to look across the playground and for a moment I think she's going to leave but she stays, carrying the conversation with me throughout our entire recess block until we go back to class, separating into our separate lines with our classes, the teachers at the front preparing to travel back to their rooms and get on with their lessons. She turns in a circle seeming to look for something and pauses her eyes widening slightly when her eyes catch on mine and hold. Then she smiles and my insides all slide into my lower belly, melting like hot butter, the flutters are like a million tiny butterflies churning through my abdomen.
Fuck.
Just like I thought, my mother didn't pay the water bill and that night, I resorted to begging our next-door neighbor to let me wash my clothes and get a quick shower at their house while my mother was passed out on the couch, her cheap cellphone clutched in her hand, which they thankfully allow. The next few days are spent in much of the same hell as it usually is.
Except that Evelynn keeps coming back.
We sit and talk for the entirety of recess on Friday and then again the next week as she shares her snacks with me. Every day she sits a little closer, until finally on the following Friday she practically glues herself to my side as she passes the bag of Goldfish to me before cracking open her water bottle and taking a sip. I open the bag for her at her silent request as I remain intensely aware of how our thighs are touching, her shoulder brushing my arm as she lowers the water bottle and reaches across my lap to grab a few goldfish out of the bag and stuff them into her mouth.
"Water?" She offers around a mouth full of Goldfish as she holds the bottle out to me.
I silently take it from her with an amused smile and take a sip, then another before handing it back.
She giggles as she takes the bottle back. "I don't think I've seen you smile all week." Then her own smile falters slightly and she hesitates before she finally asks. "Why don't you ever smile?"
I find myself hesitating as I stare at her, trying to think of something, anything to tell her that wouldn't make her uncomfortable. Finally, I answer. "I don't have much to smile about."
She looks down at her water bottle clutching it a little tighter before she looks up at me again. "What about me?"
Her question catches me off guard and I feel my brows shoot up to my hairline as my eyes widen. Then, I lean towards her, watching her own brows raise, she's almost face level like this before I take one of her hands from the water bottle and bring it to my lips. It was something I saw in a cheesy rom-com I saw once but when I could see her soul practically leave her body with the small gesture, I smiled. "Yes, darling, you're something to smile about."
I watch her cheeks turn pink and she bites her lip and can't help the teasing little chuckle I give her. She's so adorable when she's flustered.
Suddenly she leans in even closer, releasing her bottom lip from between her pearly white teeth. She's so close I can feel her breath against my lips and my heart stutters to a stop in my chest only to kick like a mule, pounding against my ribs as she closes the final distance pressing her plush lips to mine.
I return the kiss, looping an arm around her back to pull her closer, and just as she leans her head back to gasp for breath, the teachers begin calling their classes to line up.