Wade was still fuming, muttering curses under his breath about Bobby's little brother, Ronny, and the cops. Honestly, who calls the cops on his own brother? Wade wouldn't do that to Ken, even if he decided to go evil like his comic counterpart!
"When my 'teleport stamina' is full again, I'm teleporting directly into his room to full his nightmare, wasted my 20 dollars like that…" Wade grumbled, arms crossed, seething at the injustice of it all.
Pfft… Teleport Stamina? That's what we gonna call it now?
'I can't think a better one! Blame the author who nerfed me! Ouccch!!! My Pizza!!! Hiks!'
(We didn't even get a bite yet!!! Hiks!)
He was about to fire off another insult in his mind when his eyes landed on someone new aboard the jet—someone blue, fuzzy, and wearing a trench coat.
"Guten Morgan."
"Guten Abend. Wait… wait, are you—" Wade's brain short-circuited for a second as his jaw dropped.
He is.
He was Nightcrawler.
THE Nightcrawler.
(Hey! Maybe we could use him to get into that kid room? And get our Pizza back?)
'Great idea!!!'
Bad idea…
"You… you're the Nightcrawler!" Wade's voice cracked as he pointed dramatically, eyes wide with excitement. "Dude, you are a legend! That whole bamfing, teleport the fucking guys away—I mean I can teleport too, but I could only do it for like 100 spoof or zipp a day or two before going wobbly-wobbly! You're my hero! You inspired me so much to—"
Before he could finish his verbal explosion, Jubilee smacked him on the back of the head, hard enough to stop his fanboying tirade mid-sentence. "Wade! You're freaking him out!" she hissed.
"If I had a nickle for every time I get slapped in the back of my I head by her today, I'd had two nickles, which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened twice right?"
(Ahh, classic Dr. Doofenshmirtz's moment… I wonder if he was in this universe too!)
I sure hope not.
And indeed, Kurt was looking more than a little uncomfortable, shifting awkwardly in his seat, his tail curling nervously under him. "Ah, danke, but... I vas not a hero, I am only a circus performer…" Kurt stammered, clearly overwhelmed by Wade's over-the-top enthusiasm.
Wade rubbed the back of his head, grinning sheepishly. "Well, not yet, but you'll became one in like two and three chapter after this chapter anyway."
Jubilee sighed, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms. "Just ignore Wade, he just like to speak non-sense everywhere he go."
"Hey!!!"
"Ah, ich verstehe."
Bobby, who had been quiet ever since they boarded the jet, finally spoke up, breaking the awkward silence. "I'm... sorry about my brother," he said quietly, looking genuinely guilty. "Ronny, he didn't understand…"
Wade was about to respond with a quip when Pyro, sitting beside Bobby, snorted loudly. "Yeah, well, your brother's a fucking idiot and an anti-mutant," Pyro said, his voice dripping with disdain.
Ken, who had been staring out the window, suddenly snapped. "Would you just shut up, Pyro?" he growled, his voice harsh, eyes burning with anger.
The sudden outburst caught Wade off guard. "Whoa, whoa, lil bro," Wade said, putting his hands up in surrender. "What's going on with you?"
Ken turned away, crossing his arms tightly. "You know what you did," he muttered darkly, his voice barely audible.
Wade scratched his head, utterly baffled. "What I did? Dude, I've done a lot of things. You're gonna have to be more specific."
Ken didn't answer, just went back to brooding, leaving Wade scratching his head and muttering to himself. He gave Jubilee a helpless look, but she just shrugged, clearly didn't want to get involve in their 'brotherly drama'.
He probably upsets because we kinda left him and became our suicidal self again.
'Yeah, but we did to protect him… Ahh, it was one of those plots huh?'
(Yep, you know how un-original out author is!)
Wade just left Ken alone for a while, he'll resolve it later as he tried to look for other things to distract him. That's when Wade noticed Logan, Jean, and Storm were huddled in a serious conversation at the front of the jet. Wade's curiosity piqued, and, well, being Wade, he wasn't going to not butt in.
He scooted closer, catching snippets of their discussion. Something, something about the attack, Who's Stryker is, Kurt's involvement, and... experiments. Well, he'd knew something like that.
Logan's face was dark, haunted almost, as he muttered, "This is definitely Stryker's doing. The guy's been experimenting on mutants—my family—torturing and using them. He brainwashed my family too."
Wade couldn't help himself. "Oh, he was a real red flags! I saw and fought him at the mansion, couldn't forget that ugly fuck face anyway!" he said, chiming in without any preamble. "Almost killed him in the mansion myself. He blew up the place just to make a point."
"I thought it was you that blew up the mansion."
"Well, I will not blow up the mansion if he didn't corner me! In away he blew up the mansion!!!"
'Dammit! And I almost get away with that excuse! If not for my own meddling old man!'
(You already get a bad rep in Storm's eyes, just be a good fanboy and move on dude!)
Not to mention she still think you a kid, and you are! You're doomed from the start!
'Dammit, well, I still have Lady Death, hopefully…'
Logan looked over, his expression one of grim understanding. They had both been through hell at Stryker's hands, though Logan's memories were more fragmented, while Wade's were as clear as day. Too clear. Fuck you, author! Giving me trauma just like that!
(Well, Deadpool is deadpool because of his trauma...)
Yeah, can't escaped those if you were him.
Jean and Storm exchanged glances before Jean spoke up. "We'll talk more when we get to Hank and Rogue. We need to figure out what Stryker's planning next and where."
Before anyone could respond, the jet suddenly lurched violently, sending everyone scrambling to hold onto something.
Suddenly, the monitor beeped—two fast-moving red blips streaking towards them.
(DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!)
How many times you gonna cosplay as second hand spidey-sense?
(Well, someone gotta do it! You sure hell out not gonna do it!)
Yeah, but not with the super obvious one!!!
Storm's voice cut through the cabin, calm but tense. "We've got two signals coming in fast."
"Whoa! What the hell—?" Wade shouted, gripping his seat as alarms blared through the jet. Out the window, he could see two Air Force fighter jets closing in fast.
(Huh, they are finally here! Wonder when they gonna came up!)
It's because bureaucracy, need to get a thumbs up from those old men in the upper stair first.
(What's a bureau—whatchamacallit, is it a food? French food?)
God, you're hopeless Bracket...
Wade leaned over the monitor, raising an eyebrow. "Fantastic. Maybe they're here to drop off a 'Sorry we raided your mansion' gift basket."
Jubilee groaned from her seat. "Wade, now's not the time—"
But before anyone could retort, Bobby's eyes widened as he pointed at the monitor. "Who the hell are these guys?!"
"EVERYBODY HANG ON!" Storm shouted, yanking the stick.
The X-Jet lurched violently to the side, banking hard and rolling as two F-16 fighters roared through the clouds behind them. The kids were slammed against their seats as the missiles narrowly missed the jet, exploding just off to the side.
Wade was grinning, completely unfazed by the fact that they were one wrong move away from turning into airborne toast. "Missed us! Aww, so close!!! It's okay!!! It's always happens for guy your age!!!"
Ken shot him a withering glare. "Can you shut up for like two minutes?"
"Why? This is the most fun I've had since blowing up that mansion," Wade shot back, his grin never faltering.
Ken crossed his arms, still stewing from earlier. "Yeah, and made me leave because oh, your so moral high ground! Because really? You think I couldn't handle those? Those guys in the back? Yeah, they couldn't handle Stryker! But me? You know I could handle it! At least tell me about your plan to self-destruct before hand! You told me I am your ride or die!"
Wade's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, that's what this is about? I did that to protect you! I am the big brother remember! I care about you!"
"I AM ALSO YOUR BROTHER!!!"
"WELL! I AM THE OLDER ONE!!!"
"I also had the healing factor! I could help you out!"
"Or you could hinder me! Beside you know I'll survive anyway!"
"You don't know that! That lady really made you run for your money!"
"That lady is blasting you off!"
"I was fine!!! You benched me! Over-reacting piece of shit!"
"Dude, the older one always does that. It's like, a rite of passage. Dad did it to me! Mom too. It's practically tradition at this point."
Jubilee smacked him on the shoulder, trying to refocus them. "Guys! Priorities! We've got missiles chasing us right now, if you haven't noticed! Maybe save it when we were on the ground? Someone is trying to panic over here!"
"Shut up Jubes! I am trying to get a heart to heart talk here!"
"Yeah, heart to heart alright!"
(Yeah! We need to act like we could do anything with panicking!)
Like that gonna help!
Another violent bank of the X-Jet threw them sideways as the F-16s remained hot on their tail. Storm's eyes began to glow white as dark clouds swirled ahead of them. The sky churned with brewing storms.
(INCOMING!!!!)
Brace yourself!
"Don't we have any weapons on this jet?!" Logan growled, clenching the armrest as the jet tilted again.
"Well, you know how pacifist is Chucks in this universe! He probably put a child-lock or something," Wade said, glancing at the cockpit. "I think our best shot is crossing our fingers and hoping Storm's stormy vibes work."
Up ahead, the clouds twisted into massive funnels, forming roaring tornadoes that writhed like giant serpents. The jet dipped and dived through the chaos, just barely avoiding the worst of the weather, but the fighter jets weren't so lucky. They dodged and weaved, but one wasn't fast enough.
BOOM! A tornado slammed into one of the jets, flinging it across the sky like a toy. The pilot barely managed to eject as his jet tumbled away.
But the other fighter jet was still on them, dodging the twisters and keeping a steady pursuit.
"Whoo, almost seeing Lady Death there for a second!"
(Wonder if she still hot! Or if she still a she!)
We'll never knew until we met her.
Ken looked out the window, fuming. "Are you sure this is a good time to joke about almost dying?"
"Good point," Wade nodded sagely. "Maybe I should start doing the whole brooding thing, like you. Let me practice—" He put on a serious face and crossed his arms dramatically. "I'm so angry and misunderstood! No one gets me! Hn"
Ken rolled his eyes but couldn't hide a slight smirk. "You suck."
Another violent jolt cut through the cabin as more turbulence rocked the jet. Nightcrawler, sitting quietly at the back, crossed himself and muttered something in German. Pyro, meanwhile, was sweating bullet. Haha get it? Because he likes to fire!
(Nope.)
Your jokes sucks!
'Hey! I am also nervous!!!"
As they approached the eye of the storm, Storm gritted her teeth, concentrating hard on keeping the jet steady. But the remaining fighter wasn't giving up. It fired two more missiles before the pilot managed to eject the cockpit.
"Can't you, I dunno, stop them or something with your power?!" Wade asked, glancing at Jean as the radar blips got closer.
"I'll try," Jean muttered, her brow furrowed in concentration. One missile wobbled slightly, its lights flickering. It veered upwards, detonating safely away from the jet.
Wade cheered. "Yeah! You show that missile who's boss! One down, one to go!"
Ken snarked back, "You sound like a bad action movie."
"Well, this is a bad action movie, bro, well, bad action fanfic. Potato, Frittata." Wade shot back, grinning.
Storm fought to keep control as the remaining missile honed in on them. "Jean?"
Jean was sweating now, focusing every ounce of her power on the second missile. But it wasn't enough. The missile was still coming.
"Oh God," Jean whispered.
Then the missile blew up right above them.
The X-Jet shook violently as the missile exploded, ripping the roof open and sending debris flying. Wind howled through the gaping hole, sucking everything not bolted down into the air.
Ken was the first to react, gripping the seat but losing his hold. "Wade!!" he shouted as the force pulled him toward the gaping hole of the roof. His body shot up, flying towards the open roof.
"No, no, no! I don't think so!" Wade lunged, grabbing Ken's leg just as he was about to be sucked out. "You're not going anywhere without me!"
"WADE! KEN!" Logan shouted while trying to reach for his children but failed.
The force of the wind yanked them both toward the hole, spinning them like ragdolls. They clung to each other as the world tilted and roared around them. For a split second, everything was chaos, but Wade wasn't about to let go of his little brother.
"I got you!" Wade yelled, holding tight to Ken's leg while the storm raged around them.
"I know!" Ken shouted back, his voice barely audible over the wind. "I'm just wondering who's got YOU!"
"Oh? Looks like Team Deadpool's blasting off again! Nyanpasu! WEEEE!!!!
(WEEEEE!!!)
Welp, We tried...
"WAAADEEEE!!!!"
As they dangled dangerously in the open sky, something seemed to shift in Ken's expression. His eyes met Wade's, and for a moment, despite the chaos, there was a seriousness there. So he punched him.
"What the hell that's for!"
"That's for making me leave and suicide bomb yourself on your own, son of a bitch!"
"Well, Momma gonna skin me alive and kill me if she knew I made you suicide bomb together with me! And don't call our mom that!"
"And like hell it'll stop you before!"
"Hey! You knew I'll survive anyway! No matter what! You knew I always promised to came bac 32k for you and Laura!"
"Not that time! I actually thought you'd be dead!!! You never said anything! Unlike all your stunts before!"
"I—"
Wade just silent at that point. His eyes looked intensely at Ken.
"Look, I get it, okay? You were mad when that lady hit me, and you just… saw red. You worried about me. But I've seen you fought her, I know how you get when someone you care about is hurt. Because I felt that too! I also care about you." Ken's voice was steady, but there was a flicker of hurt underneath. "And don't you say I am your ride or die? You even choose me to help you out on some of your late-night-mercs'-mission you did in this past few months after I caught you sneaking away! What is the differences from those and this?"
Wade sighed, his grip tightening on Ken's leg as they both floated in the sky, they already that far away from the storm and jet. "You're right, okay? But, those mission I choose when I am with you didn't really guaranteed us to be dead upon "
Ken's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"We are not really that immortal, Ken." Wade's voice was softer than usual. "I deliberately only did mission that didn't really involves other mutant, especially ones with the cure..."
"The cure?"
"Basically if you got shot by one, you'll lost your mutations. I met some foes with them when I finally got to do some mission with the other merc mutants without you trailing behind me everytime... Also, you got to stop doing it bro, Ma gonna kill me sometimes for that!"
"You knew?"
"Well, I'm your big brother, Ken. I always knew. Beside, it's always my job to protect you. Just like it's kinda Pops' and Momma job to protect us all. It's in our instinct. Protect the younger ones and innocent ones, let them be kids, don't be like me, bla-bla-bla! Why do you think I never kill kids?"
Ken was quiet for a moment. "So, what? You just gonna shield me forever because of that? I might be young and dumb at that time, but you are not the only one who remember him torturing you! I also did! I talked about it with you! I also want revenge on him! What he did to us! Do you think you are the only one who could do that?"
"Well. you'll always be my baby bro, that's just how it works." Wade teased. "I am sorry I left you behind before. I can't promised you that I'll made you leave every now and then or that I'll tell you my plans exactly since sometimes I got no plans at all and just swinging it. But, I'll try to let you help me on the fight and stays more often!"
Ken snorted, then, without warning, pulled Wade into a hug. Wade blinked, surprised, but hugged him back, still dangling mid-air with wind whipping past them. It was probably the most dangerous hug of their lives, but whatever. He had his brother back.
"Just don't leave me or made me leave you again."
"I'll try lil bro, but I can't promised it."
As they embraced, a familiar BAMF echoed near them, and Nightcrawler appeared next to them, his blue fur barely visible in the chaos. "I got you both," he said in his thick accent, grabbing both of them by the arms.
"Well! about time! But really, I could do—"
Before Wade could protest, they were teleported back into the jet's interior with a soft poof, landing hard on the floor.
"Thanks, Kurt," Wade panted, still catching his breath, then grinned. "But, y'know, you didn't have to do that. I have the BAMF thingy to! Well, mine is more of Spoof or Zippy thingy, but you know what I mean."
Ken rolled his eyes, sitting up beside Wade. "No, you couldn't. You overexerted yourself teleporting like that for like two days straight. You know what happened last time you did that!"
"I didn't vomit that bad," Wade shot back, glaring playfully.
(But we did vomited real bad, all of our inside is out after that!)
Not to mention we kinda lost our skin when we tried to teleport again!
"You turned into a jellyfish thingy the last time you tried teleporting again! You lucky you had the super healing factor!" Ken countered, deadpan.
Wade just grinned wider and ruffled Ken's hair. "Yeah, well, I'll make it work somehow for us. We got healing factors afterall."
"Yeah, but you'll be paying for my therapy for like 30 years to the future anyway for making me watch your inside making it way back from outside your body. Blaaargh!"
"I'll always strive to please."
Ken swatted his hand away but was smiling. The tension between them had lifted. But they had no time to dwell on it—things were still falling apart in the jet.
Meanwhile, up front, Storm and Jean wrestled with the controls. The X-Jet was plummeting fast, the ground below rushing up to meet them. Storm's knuckles were white as she pulled on the stick, and Jean's brow furrowed in deep concentration, telekinetically trying to stabilize them. But it wasn't enough. The jet was still falling, and fast.
"Everyone hang on!" Storm yelled from her seat, but her voice was barely heard over the alarm blaring in the cockpit.
The altimeter kept dropping—3000 feet. 2000. 1000. The ground loomed below them like a grim reaper's shadow.
Wade was the first to speak up. "Well, everyone touch Kurt! Or me—if you had healing factor! But mostly Kurt! Kurt be ready to tele—"
Just as it seemed the jet would crash, Wade's eyes flickered toward the ground—and there, hovering in the distance, was a familiar figure.
"Oh… no way," Wade breathed, watching the scene unfold below them.
Magneto stood with his hand raised, his fingers splayed wide as if cradling the air. The X-Jet, seconds from certain doom, lurched to a sudden halt. With a soft jolt, the jet stopped mid-air, hovering inches from the earth, suspended by the master of magnetism himself.
"Well, that's convenient," Wade muttered, wide-eyed. "I think I need to bench this one over."
(I also think he still mad at us… can we just bonk him over again?)
We didn't bring our wooden katana or bb gun this time… we are fucked.