Pure bliss. Pure marital bliss. I am on that molecular state of wholeness. We've been married for almost six months now and God helped us for making our marriage work.
I can't believe we survived, but survived it, we did. Who would have said that two total strangers, who got married after just a few days of meeting could last longer than this? I would have laughed at them. But no, we made it and it is getting stronger.
Sometimes I wondered, if I had met him under different circumstances, will I ever had this chance to be with him?
All I know is that I am celebrating, because I make him happy and satisfied.
I considered myself to be an honest person so I'm going to be honest with myself.
I love him.
There.
I said it.
That's the main reason why I'm still here.
Waiting.
With him.
For him.
To open up to me and tell me that too.
Although he never spoken the words, deep inside I know he feels the same way.
I've never been in this kind of situation before. So in love like this. Never this needy and never had this potent urge to be wanted. This longing, this tender emotions he evokes from me, it havoc my wits.
I sighed.
Oh Lord, I'm daydreaming again. Here I am, failing again on my diversional activity and can't stop staring. Just looking at him can send me into these hypnotic conditions. That sexy, muscled body is making my senses swirl.
I was watching him while he was hammering a nail into the wall. He wants to place our large wedding picture frame on a wall in the living room. It was a late wedding gift from his parents. They bought the frame all the way from Spain, where they spent their summer vacation a month ago. It was wooden hand-crafted carved and designed beautifully.
He was bare-chested and sweaty. I sighed again. Envious of that wet pants of his. I wished I'm the one plastered and snugly hugging his thighs.
I sucked on my lower lip, My eyes are having their orgasms so I casted them low. I need to concentrate on what I'm reading.
'There', he finished his task. 'Is it straight?', he asked.
I was forced to glanced up and assessed his finished product.
I nodded.
He smiled at me then he went down from the chair he used to boost himself up.
He walked towards me after placing the chair on the dining area.
He leaned closer and kissed my lips. That surprised me.
'I can feel your eyes on me when you thought I'm not looking', he drawled. 'You're lusting after me, aren't you?'.
'I-I'm not', I denied, lying. 'I was just worried you might fell'.
His brows went up. Not believing. Obviously he didn't buy that.
'Oookay', he sighed. 'So, what are you reading?', he took the pocketbook from my hand and his smile widened.
He caught me!
'You've been reading this since this morning and you're still on chapter two?', brows arched. Amused.
'I wanted to savor the words of Shakespeare. He is very poetic', I gulped. I am slowly melting under his straight, pointed sky- colored stare.
'How poetic?', he teased.
'He knows what his readers wants', I lifted my chin a fraction. Defiant.
'What I knew of Shakespeare, he was a drunkard, son of a bitch'.
'Eric!', I reprimanded.
'I don't want my wife admiring another man', he pouted.
I smiled.
'He is a renowned writer'.
'Baby, I'm the man people call your husband', his eyes became predatory.
'And so?'
'And so I want you to only think about me day and night?'
'Oh yeah?', teasing him. As if I'm not doing that already?
He nodded. He sat beside me and stared at me for a long time. He loves to do that. I blushed under his calculating scrutiny. He smiled. He knew he unnerves me.
He took my right hand and brought it into his lips to kiss my knuckles. The pocketbook placed gently on my lap.
'Next week we will open a new branch for the ticketing office and purchase a new ship', he said. Starting a new conversation.
'Are you going somewhere?', my heart sunk. Silently praying he won't go anywhere.
'No but nowadays competition is tight so I'll be very busy in a few weeks but I promise I'll make time for you', he caressed my face with the back of his hand.
I nodded.
'I'm still on day duty', I said in a sing song voice.
'That's better baby. I'll be home every night'.
'But you'll be late?', I paused. 'And tired?'
'Not too tired to request my husbandly rights'.
My eyes widened. I giggled.
'You're incorrigible'.
'You know I am', he grinned.
We stared at each other for a long time again. Our smiles slowly fading.
Then he whispered.
'What are we going to do now? The house is clean, we had our lunch... You wanna watch a movie?', he asked.
'No', I said, shaking my head.
'Okay', he looked resigned. Then he straightened up and stretched his arms upward. Oh my! Muscles overload again.
'God, It's warm today. I'm gonna take a quick shower upstairs', he leaned again and was about to kiss me but I stopped him.
'Eric?', I caressed his neck.
'Yes, babe?', he whispered, questioning.
I threw the book aside.
'Make love to me', I whispered back. I don't want an argument and he didn't said any.
He grinned.
'Gladly!'.
We laughed.
What can I do?
He made me horny.
Blame it on his yummy body.
***
Bath tub.
We ended there after making some stop overs on the stairs, wall, bedroom door and on the tiled floor of the bathroom.
We went to several venues, both can't get enough of each other and now after a day-long interlude we finally reached his destination.
The scented bubbles of jasmine lingers, it soothes our feverished skin. He sat behind me and I'm comfortably snuggled against him. The gold emboldened, round jacuzzi bathtub is made fit for a King. My King.
He was tonguing my earlobe while I'm sucking his left, small finger. My right hand massaging his nape, or rather pulling him deeper into me. I moaned for he sucked my earlobe wetly and now started caressing my titties.
'Eric...', I sighed. So desperately seeking satiation.
'Tell me about your dad?', he asked.
'Huh?', I gasped. Did I hear him right?
'What was he like?', he stopped kissing me.
I looked back at him in surprised.
'Are you serious?'
He nodded, both brows raised.
'Oh!', me, clearly disappointed.
'What's the matter?', he asked, frowning.
I swallowed the huge lump of my aching ego.
'Nothing', then I took a deep breath to compose myself.
I moved slightly forward, distancing myself from him. But he has other motives, he hugged me to himself. Oh! That hot ram rod is poking my ass!
Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!
So again, I took a deep breath.
'Tell me your story. I want to meet him even through your words'.
'Daddy was a great man', I started. 'There's none like him', making a point there.
He was silent, gauging me to keep going.
'He was a bank manager. He was a very articulate and responsible person that I wanted to be like him. I planned to follow his footsteps. Since I was young, he taught me to count large sums on my head and he was very proud of me though most of the time my answers were wrong, still he encouraged me'.
'We were very close. Both Tori and I were his babies. He was very kind and gentle. Everyday before he goes to work, he always kisses us goodbye and tell us he loves us. Even when I was almost in college, it was still our daily routine. Then one summer day, he left for work and forgot to do that. I woke up looking for him then mom said he left already. I was very disappointed but I told to myself daddy will be back tonight. He'll kiss us before going to bed', my face crunched up, trying to hide the pain in my voice.
'But that particular day, will change our lives forever. He was killed', I took a shaky breath and he hugged me towards him.
'What happened baby?'
I brushed the tear that fell from my eye. Reliving the past that haunted us for the past several years. He hugged me tighter against him.
'Someone mistook that the attache case he was carrying was filled with money so they gunned him down. One shot at the back of the head, Eric. Daddy didn't stood a chance against them. They didn't offered him any', I sobbed.
'He bought that attached case as a gift... As a gift for me. He wanted me to fulfill my dream, to be an accountant, just like him', I smiled but tears were falling uncontrollably now.
'Nicolaa...'
'Everyday I blamed myself for what happened'.
'It's not your fault baby'.
'I know but if he wasn't carrying that, he would still be alive until now'.
'Don't be too harsh on yourself. What happened wasn't your fault'.
I slowly nodded.
Then silence. His arms wrapped around me, both savouring this lonely past of mine in our heads. Both remembering daddy in our hearts.
The warm water slowly becoming colder but we shared our body heat.
After awhile I spoke.
'I wanted to be an accountant like him but taking a medical course was the most practical one during those hard times. It was the most affordable four-year course. Our family suddenly lost our beacon of light. Mom went into depression. Me and Tori were slowly losing her too so I needed to be strong for all of us. I had a scholarship but the payment for the dormitory and miscellanous fees were expensive that I had to work two part-time jobs to support us and acquire a student loan. I planned on letting Tori to get accountacy, she was smarter than me on math anyway. I said to myself, everybody needs a nurse for a lot of people get sick but', I paused and bit my lip. 'I didnt know I would love my job. It's the most fulfiling... Saving lives'.
'Yes it is', he agreed and tilted my chin to look at him. 'Just like how you saved mine', and he kissed me on the lips briefly but lingeringly.
'Thank you'.
'I promise you Nicolaa, I will give you everything to make you happy', a declaration so sweet I wanted to asked him for his love but my shyness overcame me.
I let go of his mesmerizing coral blue gaze and hugged his neck. Hoping he'll get the message how thankful I am of him.
Then a thought came into me.
'Your friend said you paint, can I see your collections?'
He was silent.
I pouted.
'Please..?'
'I'll sort them out'.
I frowned.
'Why?'.
He laughed. 'There are some paintings I don't want you to see'.
'And why is that?', left brow arched. 'You painted naked women, haven't you?'
He grinned.
'Are you jealous?'
'No', lying. 'But did you?
'No, I didn't'.
'Okay', I turned my back and leaned against him, our hands clasped against my breasts. I kissed his wet knuckles. Branding him as mine. These hands are for my pleasure now.
'Josie mentioned in the gallery you drew a particular lady', I continued.
'Who is she?'.
Silence.
Then he took a deep breath.
'I can't name her'.
'What do you mean?', me, frowning.
'At that point, I didn't know her name but I do see her constantly'.
'Eric has a crush', I teased, faking my smile. Trying to hide my envy.
'You're her secret admirer but she didn't know?'.
'No, she doesn't'.
'You mean you never tried introducing yourself to her?'
'I didn't want to disturb her. She was with someone else'.
I nodded.
'You weren't stalking her, were you?', My frown deepened.
He laughed.
'Oh you did?!', I was shocked.
He grinned.
I shook my head.
'Why didn't you approached her?', wondering.
'I tried. Then some shit happened'.
I frowned again.
'I was indisposed'.
'Oh... too bad', I pouted but deep inside I was grinning devilishly.
'It wasnt that bad for I met you'.
'Oh! The accident?! You were on your way to meet her?'
He nodded.
Oh my! If it weren't for me, she is the one here with him instead of me.
'Where is she now?', I asked slowly.
'She's here', he pointed on his left chest with his index finger, smiling soulfully.
My heart was torn away from me.
No wonder he doesn't love me, someone is residing there already.
He was keeping her in his heart.
I felt like I was stabbed repeatedly.
God, help me.
Take these negative feelings aside.
For I am maddeningly lonely.
And so crazy, fucking jealous.