I don't believe this.
I'm married to a centuries-old fox spirit!
Daji wraps herself around me, the fox that ate the canary. Her luscious body distracts me, and her scent overwhelms me. Plus, I can feel her primal satisfaction—it's overpowering. For someone who's neurodivergent, this is an avalanche of emotion. A tidal wave.
I'm drowning.
Gasping, I want some air, but she holds me in a death grip. She soothes me, stroking me gently, caressing my hair. Not letting me bolt the way I'm desperate to do. She rubs my back and won't let me go. My parents used to do this when I was a child. Sometimes, they still do it. My grandparents were even better at it, but isn't that what grandparents are for?
"Shhh," she says. "Shhh. The bond can be too powerful, it's true, but you are my strong mate. You'll adjust."
Her arms pin me, not letting me move even an inch. She pulls me back down on the bed and keeps me there with her until my nerves calm down. Her soft breasts and curves go a long way towards keeping me quiet and compliant. She pushes my head into her bosom and holds my head there.
Oh, and I feel something furry and slender trap me in its coils. A tail? Nine tails?
Either way, I'm not getting loose until she says so.
I turn my head so I can at least breathe, but I still rest my head on her pillowy mounds.
"Unfair," I mutter. "You've got a tail."
"Oh, stop whining. It's not attractive."
Her fingers stroke my dark hair, and I respond to her touch. "Probably not. But the tail is definitely a game-changer."
"It's magnificent, and it's all yours. As I am." She kisses the top of my head. "Just rest, lover. I have plans for the rest of the night, but we're in no hurry. The inn will take care of itself."
"Really? Who's minding the store?"
"My uncle. He is, technically, on staff. After all he's done in his life, fighting for redemption, you think he can't run one inn for a night?"
Sighing, I say, "Next time, I get to choose who's on duty."
She bristles. "What's wrong with my nephew?"
"Nothing, except that he got a little too wild playing with Loki."
"Oh, Loki." A fond but exasperated note in her voice. "That's been going on for centuries. That's why your grandparents infused the wallpaper with magic. No more excuses. My nephew is the perfect manager."
"Ah…I'm the manager."
"Who needs to learn to delegate. My nephew has excellent credentials. He's bored as a martial arts instructor."
Her perfume fogs my head, making arguing impossible. I'm sure that isn't a coincidence. This is exactly why I held off on bonding. After only three months, I know Daji well enough to know that she'll want to stick her tail and fingers and nose into every aspect of running the inn. I mention Athena's to-do list, and whether she's seen it.
Daji's laughter ripples around me, and her chest vibrates, massaging my face. "Where do you think she got the list? I have a copy. A thousand copies. A million."
Then why did Athena give it to me?
"She wanted to test me," I say. "To see how I'd react to temptation, maybe. She seemed like she was flirting with me."
"But you were a good boy," Daji purrs. "You respected her foolish vow of chastity. You'd be surprised at how many people haven't over the centuries. And while you were unconscious, she told me I'd better cherish the treasure I have in you." Her lips brush my forehead. "You're more important than the ten thousand things Chuang-Tzu spoke of. Are you feeling better now?"
I check in with myself. My pulse isn't doing an electronic dance music number.
But the idea that Athena conspired with Daji makes my blood pressure skyrocket.
I feel like I'm a pawn in this godly six-dimensional chess game. It's bad enough no one here told me what I inherited. The huge responsibility. And now, I have until New Year's Eve to save this place. It may not matter in terms of saving the universe, but it's my grandparents' legacy. A piece of history they didn't think my parents and I needed to know.
Now, I'm just supposed to fall in line like a good soldier.
Daji frowns. "Your anger feels like fire, scorching. Like spears poking me."
"Yeah, and I don't feel like being Confucian or Daoist. I don't give a d*mn about filial piety or gods or whatever."
I leap out of bed and pull on loose shorts and a T-shirt. "I'm going for a walk."
"I'll come—"
"NO. I need to think. I need to clear my head."
Her eyes flash, and before I've gotten ten steps toward the door, a swarm of hungry spiders as big as basketballs and a nest of snakes block my path.
"Seriously?"
I hate snakes. I hate spiders. I feel like Samuel L. Jackson and Harrison Ford combined.
Daji is smug. "Still feel like going for a walk, or are we going to settle this?"
I grab the hotel phone and call the front desk.
"Sun Wukong, night manager speaking."
"If you ever want to eat in the dining room or set foot in this hotel again, come up here and deal with—"
Hissing from the creepy-crawlies interrupts me, and I feel something scaly tangle around my leg.
Sun Wukong howls. "She used The Snake Pit? DON'T MOVE. I'm on my way."