Chapter 31 – I Didn't Abandon You
Anna's Point of View:
I am so embarrassed, I can hardly look at him. I feel so ashamed… It's been two days since I… used him to warm myself while sleeping. Now, I can barely exchange a few words with him without blushing and turning away.
The worst part is that he's an idiot… just a little bit. He continues to act all mysterious and pretends like nothing happened. I'm all nervous, and he's just going about his business like usual. Sometimes, I catch him staring off into the horizon; he always seems preoccupied with something else. Why isn't he nervous too? I don't want to be the only one in this awkward situation.
Calm down, Anna! You need to stay calm and not let that stoic black-clad robot make you more nervous. Luke, that idiot… the worst part is he asked me for advice about controlling prana. I get nervous trying to teach him how to resonate and feel the prana around us. I was so flustered when I had to let him hold my hand to show how I channel prana through my pathways… calm down! Calm down, Anna!
Why do I feel like I'm committing some kind of crime?
I am definitely innocent in this situation, I didn't do anything… consciously… and why am I explaining this to myself?
Great! Now I've messed up my practice arrows…
"You seem a bit distracted. Is everything alright?" Alice asks.
"Of course! Why wouldn't it be? Nothing happened! Everything is fine."
I am definitely not good at hiding things… where is that idiot anyway? I bet he's out walking in the forest, trying to practice with his prana.
I told him how I unlocked my Aspect after trying to channel prana through my root pathways, and that's when I discovered I was an Emitter. When the prana started to focus outward, I could sense my Aspect. Feeling how our prana works is different for us Dissidents; our prana roots usually don't conduct prana through our bodies. A Dissident's prana typically just stays in their core, used only to activate their ability. For us, we need to make it circulate through our whole body, creating more roots. Doing this isn't easy, even though it's certain that, at some point, we will manifest our Aspect… feeling prana flowing through the body is like trying to ride a bike without wheels or handlebars for the first time.
As I go back to retrieve my arrow and return it to my prana, I sigh.
I hope he can at least start to feel the prana of his natural armor; that would be a good start. That way, he can begin to understand how his prana works and even the prana of people around him. The main benefit will be for Luke to differentiate the power levels of threats… it will be important for him. I need to help him, but I'm so embarrassed… I don't want him to think I'm immature.
Lucan's Point of View:
Luke was sitting in the middle of the small forest, trying to meditate and sense the prana within his body. Ironically…
I need to empty my mind… what a joke. I need to clear my thoughts and just focus on this invisible energy.
It had been a week since the midnight incident with Anna, and the group was in the final stages of preparing for their journey to the sewers. Getting there would be quick if nothing arose, Alice mentioned it was just a few hours' walk. But they were preparing for the worst-case scenario. A scenario none of them wanted to talk about, a scenario where they might be the only ones left alive.
It's been a week since that night, and I was nervous for nothing. Anna is acting normally, practicing with her arrows as always. I don't know why I got so worked up. I really am immature; she seems younger than me, and to her, it didn't even seem like anything happened. I felt a bit embarrassed… I admit. I was even more embarrassed when I asked her for help with sensing my prana and found out I needed to hold her hand… Gods! That was a bit awkward for me.
There was no way I could ask Alice for help. She told me Anna was the best at prana control. After all, Anna overcame the deficiency barrier in prana circulation and managed to unlock her Aspect… something even Alice, who doesn't have a prana circulation deficiency, hasn't achieved. Anna truly is a genius at prana control; I didn't have many options. Besides, she is also a Dissident, so I need to learn from her how she managed to overcome our deficiency and unlock her Aspect.
Alice's Point of View:
Everything is going well, even with us stuck in this hell, but this time in the small forest has been somewhat enjoyable. Staying in this cave with these two has given me some peace. We haven't ventured too close to the Veil, and I told them to avoid staying near the invisible barrier as much as possible since something could sometimes come through it. The mysterious Luke agreed; he's not one to ask many questions and accepted staying away from the Veil's barrier.
At first, I was a bit suspicious, but after these ten days, I've come to understand that it's just his somewhat… strange nature. He always avoids talking much about himself… I haven't let my guard down, but I don't think he's one of them. He is really someone from Earth who knows nothing about this world and the Deviant society; he barely knows how to use his prana. But something about him tells me he's hiding something; he prefers to distance himself from us when he goes to train with the hammer or the knife. Sometimes, I also catch him looking at the horizon as if searching for something. Once, I asked him, noticing how distracted he was. All he said was that he was thinking of someone. I was surprised; I didn't think he would answer. Luke always evades whenever we get into certain subjects; he tries to deflect when we touch on topics of family and friends.
I don't ask much either because I have my own problems to deal with, but I don't run away like he does. At least I'm honest when it comes to subjects I need to keep to myself, but he just avoids them. Is it wrong for me to be curious even though I hide so much from them too? I know he's from Earth, but something tells me… something deep down tells me that he's not as ordinary as he claims to be.
What kind of past did he have?
Alice, let it go! I should let everyone have their secrets. A part of me is very happy to have met Anna; she is honest and quite cheerful. She's totally different from me and Luke. Plus, she's very pretty… her hair is beautiful. How does she keep it like that just by washing it with water? I'd like to ask her for tips… but I'm too shy.
Oh! There he goes again.
"Going to train?" I ask as he gets up, heading toward the forest.
He sighed.
"I'm going for a walk, I need to clear my thoughts. In a few days, if nothing happens, we'll leave, and I need to think… it looks like it'll be a dangerous place," he said, walking away.
What a surprise, I thought he'd just make up some excuse and disappear. He was a bit more honest this time.
Lucan's Point of View:
What are you doing right now? How are you feeling? Are you thinking of me? I must have been absent for at least 15 days since I had to abandon everything and go to that Bonfire. What must be going through your mind? I know I always distanced myself from you… How are you dealing with this? I know… I was a bad person, I treated you poorly. But I want you to know… This time, I didn't abandon you. This time, I wanted to be there with you… Even without knowing for sure how I feel about you. At least I'd like to be close to find out.
You know, I'd like to tell you something strange. Even living in this hell, it seems that for the first time in a long while, I've been sleeping well. My sleep has improved, and my insomnia is gone. I wish I understood why I can relax so much these past few days. What could I be feeling inside? What are these emotions?