Amelia sat in her room, staring at a blank page with no idea what to do. Around her, numerous papers of sketches were scattered on the floor, the remnants of weeks' worth of failed attempts.
Despite her friends being there for her, especially her sister, she was disappointed about not making it to the next round. She hadn't truly believed she would make it through, if she were honest with herself, but she had wanted to try.
As she wandered through her thoughts, she stared out her window, unsure how to feel. Without support from her family, she felt adrift, her own belief in herself wavering.
"I was never good anyway," she muttered to herself.
The energy she had used to approach her desk quickly dissipated, and she submerged herself in her bed instead. She picked up her phone to distract herself, but even that felt burdensome. As she scrolled, she came across other people's artworks, feeling a pang of discomfort at how much better and more popular they were.
Amelia often made comparisons with others, unable to help herself. She envied how detailed their work was, how it could evoke emotions. The lack of understanding of her own drawings weighed heavily on her mind.
Hastily, she turned off her phone, trying to find some sense of entertainment.
"I need to do something, but what?" she thought to herself, trying to lift her mood.
Stuck in bed, pondering, Wisdom came to mind. She knew he was probably working today. Talking with him usually lifted her spirits. The thought of their conversations brought a smile to her face.
Thinking back to what happened at the event made her face flush red. Realizing how embarrassing it was to hug him like that, she nonetheless found comfort in the memory, hugging her pillow and brightening her mood.
It was no secret to her: Amelia had liked Wisdom for a long time. But it hadn't always been this way. Since their first encounter, she had been very shy, not just with Wisdom but with everyone. Whenever Wisdom and she would encounter each other during breaks or while waiting in line for lunch, he would always acknowledge her and engage in conversation.
Over time, she started to open up, and their conversations became less awkward. What had started as chance encounters grew into casual hangouts.
There were even days when she would intentionally seek him out just to talk to him. Her curiosity towards Wisdom had grown. He was smart, fit, and lean, very good at sports, yet no one noticed due to his simple nature. He wasn't the typical "ideal" type for girls, but he had something she only saw in him: a comforting aura that attracted her to be around him.
He could talk to anyone but chose not to, yet for some reason, he would always interact with her and Conner, whom she started to meet due to Wisdom.
Conner, in contrast, was the popular boy, over-the-top, tall, and a football player. The girls' "ideal" type. Amelia, at the time, didn't like him at all, thinking he was too full of himself.
But as Conner spent more time around her, showing a vulnerable side, she saw him as a person, eventually breaking down her walls.
Deciding to take a walk, she got ready and headed to where Wisdom worked. The café wasn't large but had a charming appeal. Amelia had often joked about convincing Wisdom to make it a cat café, only half-serious.
She remembered his reaction to her rambling, reminding her he wasn't the manager and had only been there for a month, with the most platonic face ever.
Or how he used to burn himself multiple times when he started working there. These memories made her laugh to herself.
Thinking of those moments made her walk seem seamless, and she soon reached her destination. Seeing him through the window made her smile, but as she got closer, she noticed another girl giving him something. A sudden pain hit her heart.
Without knowing why, she quickly found a place to hide, using the bushes near the café as cover. Amelia was unsure why she felt this way. It was as if she were scared. But scared of what? she thought to herself.
She watched them, unable to tell from a distance, but seeing Wisdom smile like that bothered her. She looked closer at the girl in the store. She had blonde hair, and her clothes suited her nicely, but Amelia couldn't see her face due to her back being turned.
After a while, people started looking at her strangely, forcing her to get up. At that moment, she decided to walk in, not realizing the girl was leaving the store with her friend. They bumped into each other, causing an awkward interaction. This allowed Amelia to get a closer look at her face, admitting to herself she was pretty, which made her feel sick.
"Oh, sorry," she said, realizing how upset the girl seemed, quickly moving out of her way. After this interaction, they continued on their way.
Upon seeing Amelia, Wisdom smiled at her, wondering why she was there.
But something was off with Amelia, causing her to feel weird. Wisdom and Amelia talked, but instead of being honest and asking for help, she said she was just passing by. She couldn't find the words to explain her feelings or why she felt like that, but it distracted her, making her want to leave, especially not wanting Wisdom to see her like this. Wisdom asked about her drawings, inquiring if she had anything coming up, but she quickly shut down the question, saying she had somewhere to go, leaving with an awkward smile. This left Wisdom confused and even worried.
Walking back, her emotions started to rise. Seeing Wisdom and the girl smiling and laughing together made her uncomfortable. Once out of their view, she let her emotions surface, no longer needing to hold them in. Tears unknowingly began to swell in her eyes.
Originally, she wanted to go home and sleep, as she often did when things got to her, but she didn't want her sister seeing her like this. So, she phoned Conner.
Later, Amelia met with Conner. They sat on a bench in a quiet park, the sounds of distant traffic and chirping birds filling the silence.
Amelia gave a brief summary of what happened and tried explaining how she felt.
Conner looked at her thoughtfully. "It's pretty obvious you like him," he said gently.
Amelia blushed, her cheeks turning a deep red. "Yeah. It's written all over your face."
She sighed, finally acknowledging what she had been trying to deny. "But do you know who that girl was with him?"
She looked down. "I've never seen him smile like that," which made her feel a certain type of way.
Conner shrugged. "I'm not sure. But listen, you can't just let things slip away. You need to be honest with yourself."
Amelia felt annoyed by what Conner said, raising her voice. "And what do you know, huh? Mr. Popular, you can't tell me what to do with my feelings."
After this outburst, she got off the bench and started shouting, her eyes starting to swell. "I just feel like I'm being replaced or that I'm not important anymore." She walked in circles while Conner watched.
"I know I shouldn't feel like this. We're just friends, but it doesn't stop how I feel."
A brief silence followed before she started speaking again, going back to the bench.
"I just feel like a failure. I'm not sure what to even do anymore. I've lost everything. My family doesn't care about me, everyone hates me in my art class for no reason, and… and…" She buried her hands in her face.
"Now I'm even going to lose him. He's the only one who believed in me, and I let him down."
Conner waited before speaking, making sure she was done letting it out. "You're right, Amelia. I don't know how you feel, but I do know one thing: the feeling of being replaced."
Conner thought back to his coach's disappointment and his fear of facing his team at training tomorrow.
"But Amelia, I hate to say this, but the reason for this feeling is because you have been looking outward, relying on Wisdom ever since you guys met."
"I understand he was there for you when no one else was, even helping you get to where you are now. But friends are for support, not to be relied on constantly. They're there when needed, not always."
"Tell me something, Amelia. Say 'I love myself' right now, in front of me."
Amelia was puzzled by Conner's request, but to her surprise, she couldn't say it. It wasn't that she couldn't, but that she didn't want to. How she viewed herself, she didn't even think that.
Amelia stayed silent, realizing how she had been relying on Wisdom too much.
After more silence, Conner said, "These feelings you're experiencing right now, don't run from them. Face them."
"When you next face Wisdom—or anything—don't put it on a pedestal and worship it. Face it as an individual, as Amelia."
Amelia began crying even more, but within her cries, she said, "Thank you. Thank you for telling me the truth."
She knew why she had been feeling like this. She hated herself. She always compared herself to others because she hated who she was.
"But what about you?" she asked, as she was wiping her tears her eyes redder than ever. "How's football going?"
Conner fell silent and looked up at the sky. "Wisdom is really amazing…" he finally said.
Amelia was slightly confused.
"Sorry! Let's just say Wisdom knocked some sense into me," he laughed.
"To be honest, I've admired Wisdom for a long time for his skills despite him not wanting to be one. I felt like it was unfair, you know what I mean?"
Amelia continued listening in silence.
"And after a while, that admiration turned into jealousy. Back then, I was better than him, but it was because of my talent. I never considered training. I met Wisdom recently, and he showed me how much he trained, just because he wanted to. Yet, I did not consider that at all. I felt very stupid. He told me that he was doing it because of a promise we made in high school. It made me realize how I wasn't being a friend."
"And now there's a guy at my trials who reminds me of Wisdom, which threw me off. I felt threatened that I'd be replaced. But thinking like that is the issue. I need to keep going and try my hardest and, most importantly, learn to love failure. It's going to be watching over me."
"Amelia, if there's one thing I learned about Wisdom, he cares about us a lot. In fact, it's a promise I forced him to make, which I ended up forgetting while he was honoring it. So, Amelia, don't be scared to talk to him, because by doing that, it creates a distance, not because of him, but because of us, being scared."
Amelia was puzzled in silence, not only by what he was saying but by him talking like this, which caused her to snicker despite her face being drenched by her tears.
Conner realized how much he had been rambling, making him feel stupid.
Amelia then said, "Thank you. You're right."
Amelia got up, Conner startled due to feeling some sort of aura he thought only Wisdom had. He could see the spark in her eyes.
She didn't know how to explain but she realized all she had been doing was complaining about her problems, she wanted to face them and fix them.
"Okay, I'm going to see him tomorrow!"
Conner smiled. "That's what I like to hear!"
"But why not just go out with me? I'm the better option anyway," he teased, bumping into her.
Amelia looked at him. "Yeah… No," and hit him on his shoulder, which he dodged, anticipating it.
Causing him to laugh, while she was mildly annoyed.
Before going their separate ways, Conner told her about their morning training for football and suggested she could use it as a time to visit.
She thanked him for letting her know but said she wouldn't be there as she had something to do.
Conner, mildly shocked, acknowledged her answer, and then they proceeded to say goodbye to each other.
Amelia got home that day, feeling a sense of relief. She didn't mention to Conner about her drawings, as she felt he wouldn't understand, causing her to push it all to the side.
She went straight to sleep, considering how draining today had been. yet somehow felt the lightest she has ever felt.