Proud to be a Sheep
Act II: Chapter 4
Einar… I hadn't even released the book yet, much less a chapter of it. I only had the draft and idea in my mind. He was supposed to be in an apocalyptic world similar to this one, the Gods were also a factor similar to my idea, as well as magic and other elements. But they were all common cliches in fantasy stories, so I didn't think much of it when I arrived here(hell, I forgot all about it), I was too excited, too eager to learn and explore the vast new world. Plus, the Carmuts weren't part of my story draft, I didn't even think of the idea.
There was also that girl next to him. Although I didn't get to see her face, I could tell she was walking with Einar. What if she's also one of my characters..?
It bothered me for a very long time. It wasn't unpleasant, no. But then, why is it occupying my mind so much? I'm not worried, angry, afraid, or anything negative for that matter. Am I happy then? Doubt it. I can feel my heart racing, but I can't pull off a smile. Maybe I'm just excited? About what, though… About my current reality? That's likely. I mean, this just means that I'm really living a different life now.
The thought, 'I'm really living a different life now,' I think truly did make me happy, regardless of Einar's existence.
Plus, who's to say that's really him? Einar is supposed to be from Iceland, he's supposed to be a writer who one day got caught up in the novel he was writing… The idea was the habitable world became one singular Island, I planned to call it Pangaea(based on the original history of the world). Not only are there multiple habitable lands in the world, but who's to even say Pangaea exists?
"Oh yeah, Pangaea is the neighboring country to Ailbhe."
…
"What's with the silence?" Echo asked.
"No, no, it's nothing…" I'm fucked. "So the world still has seven continents?"
"Well, sort of. The world still has seven continents, but only three of them are habitable. The rest are overtaken by monsters and 'evil Gods' (AKA Gods who want humanity dead). Back when the world was still in constant wars and fights, humanity knew they had no chance of winning. So, the Carmuts all banded together and somehow managed to kill a God. That God was in charge of the land we found you on." My jaw dropped as Echo explained this.
"The Carmuts managed to kill a God!?" I was surprised and excited, but I never seemed to react at moments like these, at least not manually, and I didn't want to seem bored, so I faked a reaction. "Then.. okay, first of all, who was that God, and second of all, what was this land called back then?"
"The God they killed is called Mekhane, once known as the God of Knowledge and Technology, now known as the Broken God. They say the Carmuts ripped him apart to shreds, but those very stories are made by the Carmuts, so I don't know how legit they are." I feel as though that's not the only story they made up…
"I see. How's their population?"
"Well, as far as I know, they're not going past 100,000 anytime soon. Deaths are at a much higher rate than births. The King of Lust allows polygamy in order to try and solve this problem, but in reality, he just wants to be able to sleep with anyone and everyone he wants to." I could notice Echo's mannerisms change whenever he talks about the King of Lust, he tends to look down and move slower, almost sluggish compared to how he usually is. I wonder if he wants to talk about it…
"Does he ever force his way with someone else?" I carefully asked.
"All the time. He has this pheromone that attracts people, a sort of aphrodisiac, which he sometimes doesn't use because he likes it when people resist."
"Damn… He's freaky as fuck." My intrusive thoughts have betrayed me once more, and now I can only hope for a laugh, which Echo, thankfully, was giving me. And with that, he moved as he usually would.
The mercs allowed me to keep the pen, and we were no longer questioned after our first interrogation. We were also given a chance to rest and explore until the rest of the squad regrouped. Tan's squad is more than just the small group sent to the hospital, Echo said they were more than 160 last time they did numbers. Unfortunately, they come and go as more refugees escape and get recruited by them, and they die in missions.
Echo said my recruitment was pretty much confirmed, especially considering how capturing Tago was by no means an easy feat. I was glad. That meant I had a place to stay now. People to be with. A home. Well, depends on how I would fit in with the rest of them, I suppose. I guess we'll see.
As we were exploring the religious city, I noticed how no one seemed to be too depressed by their situation. The city was poor, living near the shore of the country, which is commonly the monster's territory, yet they didn't seem scared or depressed. They were laughing.
This really intrigued me. Although their situation is worse than hopeless, they still laugh in the face of helplessness. Memories of the King of Pride and my old classmates came flashing right back, "Don't you see? The people were cheated upon by the government, blame bla bla bla…" I know. Nothing of what you're saying is revolutionary. But telling these very people to fight when they're busy fighting for a proper meal at least two times a day. When the only thing they have to lose is the only thing they have left. They don't have much to gain, but they at least still gain something. If they fought and rallied, what would they gain? Cell time? Getting shot and injured? Imagine they lost? Got caught? Died? Be realistic, you've never even fought for a meal your entire life. Everything was handed to you. You, who can have anything and everything you want, who has a distorted view of reality and isn't scared of losing what you have because you don't know the agony of having nothing at all, can fight. Me, who doesn't have anything but has everything to gain, would rather play their game.
My memory of that very classmate is still as clear as day. The King of Pride really reminded me of him. I don't think I hated him, I just hated his prideful ignorance. Acting like he's knowledgable about a subject he only studied for 15 minutes, acting like he's clever enough to argue every single one of his takes with "you should just study more." Chauffeur knowledge with a dogmatic attitude. That's all they have.
"Their laugh sounds defeated," Echo said, filled with sadness and compassion.
"Yeah, like they've accepted their fate and are just waiting for it."
"Most of them are. They just drink booze all day and stay there hanging about." I know these scenarios far too well. I imagine they must be able to buy booze because one of their family members works desperately to give them allowances. They either drink because it helps them feel alive or it helps them feel helpless. Either way, they know they're shit people.
"It's sad. They didn't want a life like this."
"Well, they didn't have to turn out like this either. They could've stayed sober at the very least." Echo's silent stare was more than enough to tell me that he didn't like my response. Even with his helmet on, I could tell Echo was frowning at me. I understand it's difficult. I understand the life they lived was unfair, that if they had a better starting point they could've had a better status right now. But the starting point won't always determine your ending. Some people would argue otherwise, but I'd argue those are the very people who would have an excuse for every mistake they make and would blame everyone else for their hardships. Who would claim they have a passion and a goal but did nothing to reach it? Or those who start a project but quit midway, not for any particular reason, they just do, and they make up excuses for it.
The awkward silence as we walked really stifled me. I would've preferred to walk alone, but I'm going to get lost. Maybe my reply was too heartless? I mean, I still stand by it, but… Fuck man.
Echo headed to a nearby gem shop and told me to stay put. Apparently, gems can contain spells and other magical aspects. It's like buffs from games, but some could even summon lightning bolts from its surface. Now it's really starting to look like Final Fantasy, I thought excitedly.
I stood still, conscious of how I pissed Echo off when a kid walked up to me. Ragged clothes filled with holes, his skin full of wounds, scars, and dirt. I could tell he was hurt as he reached his unsteady hand out to me. If I give him money, the other kids staring at us will come and ask for some as well. I could see them off in the distance, staring at us over the tent of the food stall.
"I also don't have money. I'm sorry," I replied.
The kid's disappointment as he looked down to the ground, his hands falling to his sides, slowly walking back to the rest of the kids and shaking his head when they tried talking to each other... FUCKING HELL. I pulled out my pen and drew blood from my index finger. Then, I began drawing.
"Why are you so pale?"
"Philanthropy." I exhaled, and the words came out in one tired breath. I was proud of my kindness, but fucking hell was it exhaustingly stupid. Another side of myself I hated presented itself to me as I noticed my desire for Echo to know what I'd done. To be acknowledged for my good deed.
Shitty person with shitty desires, I thought.
We walked back to the meet-up site, the cathedral, where we met the priest and where I got to see the statue of Yallalehihou.
Echo and I stood at the open rotunda, which served as the chapel's entrance. The squad had set up massive tents surrounding the statue in the center. I sat down underneath the shade, waiting for the rest of the squad. Echo took something out of his pocket, it was a smartphone. He reached out his hand holding the smartphone and said in a non-chalant tone: "Take it. You're gonna need one."
I guess he still hasn't forgiven me, "Hey," I paused, taking a deep breath before saying, " I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh earlier." I hope this fixes it, I suppose I don't even know his story, why he got so pissed off over it. I should've just kept my opinions to myself, just like I always have.
"It's okay. I understand your side, but I hope you understand theirs as well."
Welp, at least he sounded less pissed now… "I do… And I'm sorry again."