Bella's POV:
His silken lips slowly kissed down my chin brushing tenderly down to the hallow of my throat before they travelled further down my heated skin to my chest where his tongue peeked out of that skilled mouth of his to play with the sensitive peak of my left breast.
My body tensed as all my muscles and especially the ones down south clenched in unknown pleasure that I had been imagining countless times.
A moan drew from my throat as I arched my back off the mattress when the pleasure slowly began to turn into sweet torture that I never wanted to end.
My body twisted, writhe and turned in ecstasy I had craved for so long whilst his careful fingers brushed down my bare skin leaving trails of fire in their wake as he explored me in a way I had always dreamed off.
My nails drove over his flawless back, coxing a strangled groan out of his chest and my hands buried into his soft, silky locks when I moaned lustfully again as another wave of pleasure crashed over me drawing me.
I was lost. Completely lost in the new sensation my body and mind had surrendered to.
My fingers gripped his tresses and I lifted my head up a little off my pillow panting helplessly. A mop of wild brown hair with burgundy highlights moved and two amber pools that shone with love, passion, want and lust glowed at me.
Edward!
His name was about to fall from my lips…
"What is it," I mumbled sleep drunk and annoyed after I was suddenly rudely jerked into sitting position and that the wonderful sensation I had felt all over my body had disappeared with the return of consciousness.
Sucking in a deep breath I groaned lightly before my eyes slowly tore open and I brushed the sleep out of them with the heel of my hand, wincing slightly at the tiny stab of pain down south as I moved which left me confused.
"What are you doing here?" Jake's angry voice growled from beside me.
Jake? Jake?
His name fell from my lips as my head whipped around and images of yesterday night suddenly flooded my mind before realisation set in though I was hoping and preying that it all had been just a bad dream. A nightmare.
But when my eyes landed on his furious looking face as he sat next to me with his naked torso displaying all those muscles that were clenched and flexing in anger I knew it had not been a dream ….. I had really…..
Shock, panic and denial instantly coursed through my frozen body and mind. It took me a moment to notice that Jake was growling at something in front of him. Out of instinct I turned my head around and my fragile and battered heart shattered into sharp tiny pieces.
There just a few feet in front of me stood Edward, motionless with a shocked expression on his beyond beautiful face. His hair was a perfect mess as I hung into his amber depths that were looking stunned and disgusted at the scene in front of him.
That was when my mind flew into gear again and I realised what he was looking at. Me, half naked where my sheets were not covering my bare body and the equally naked Jake beside me.
"No, no, no, nonono" I gasped breathlessly as horror washed over me.
This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. My head shook furiously from side to side in denial while my trembling hands were grabbing for my sheets to further cover myself.
I didn't even notice I was crying until something wet fell onto the back of my hand. My breaths were leaving my mouth in heavily pants as a lump build in my throat.
My face heated up as a raging flush covered my entire frame almost instantly while nausea was overtaking me.
When I managed to cover myself up halfway my head snapped up and breathlessly as I was my eyes pleaded with him to forgive me, to understand, not to leave, to let me explain …
"Edward," his name fell from my lips and it was a plea of desperation, a word spoken as an apology, as a means for denial and cry of despair and so much more.
The love of my life just stood there and looked at me they way he had been ever since my eyes fell on him before half a second later he was out of my window just as I called out his name again.
My entire body was trembling while tears were streaming down my red glowing face that was about to melt off my bones as mortification and terror filled my frame with dread and nausea whilst sobs tore uncontrollably from my chest.
"Shhhh, everything is alright now," a deep voice murmured into my hair as I clutched the sheets that I had grabbed in my haste to me chest.
It took me a second to realise that two strong and hot arms were slung around my body and someone was rocking me, trying to offer comfort.
But those arms were not the ones I wanted to be captured in.
The deep, slightly raw voice was not the one that I wanted to murmur smoothing words into my ear.
"How dare he just enter your room? He is supposed to have super hearing perverted blood sucker." Jake growled into my hair and his hot breath brushed my ear and my shoulder.
I so wished it was a cool breeze tickling me.
"Shhh, Bells you don't need to be embarrassed ….. that stupid blood sucker … I'm here." He assured me, hugging me closer to him while my entire world was crashing down.
I couldn't believe what I had done. I had lost my virginity to Jake of all people and Edward knew. He even saw me in bed with Jake.
Anguish.
White hot anguish sliced my chest open and I couldn't get a sound past my throat. Suddenly no tears were able to run down my burning cheeks. The pain froze me entirely chocking me as no air made it into my lungs.
For a brief moment I wondered if I had died until I heard Jake curse and pull away from me.
"…Charlie is up," he whispered hastily as he jumped rather gracefully out of my bed and immediately went for the hunt of his clothes that were spread all over my room bumping into my furniture every now and then.
I just sat there shocked and motionless on my bed as Jake was desperately trying to get his jeans on.
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Jake cursed under his breathe again before he resigned and just threw his clothes out of the window.
Before I knew it Jake was in front of me and pressed a kiss to my lips. My body tensed as his hot lips touched mine and I had to fight hard to keep the tears at bay.
"I'll be back soon," he grinned brightly at me as utter happiness and joy was shining in his dark eyes. He looked like he wanted to shout what happened yesterday night from the roof tops out of pride and I felt like a monster because the only thing I wanted was to erase everything that happened between us during that horrible night.
"I love you, Bells," he smiled a mega watt smile at me and tears of regret filled my eyes.
I had just slept with my best friend. I had given myself to the one who had always been there for me who I knew was in love with me but I couldn't love him back equally because my heart, soul, mind and body rightfully belonged to another who had witnessed the loss of my innocence with his own eyes.
I could barely suppress the sob that had build in my chest and wanted to proclaim my shattered heart and the pain that was coursing through my veins.
Jake smiled brighter mistaking my tears for something they weren't before he was out of the window and I threw myself head first into my pillow covering the rest of my body with the sheet I had clutched to my chest.
Gritting my teeth I tried desperately to keep the sobs in that had build in my chest as I heard Charlie open the door to his bedroom and hoped that he would just go down but I had no such luck.
My bedroom door open and I slung my arms around my middle trying to keep myself together whilst my body trembled, willing Charlie to just close the door and go but instead he opened it further and entered my room.
Tears were running uncontrollably down my face while my stomach clenched as I tried not to let a sound escape out of my mouth. Gasping for air I heard how Charlie closed my window and lingered shortly.
I swallowed hard and finally after what seemed like an unbearable eternity of lingering he left and closed the door behind him. When I heard his foot steps moving down the stairs I turned my face into my pillow and let out a strangled sob.
After that first cry of pain tore from my throat I began to wail hysterically as the hurt and anguish ripped me apart piece for piece, shattering my heart and smashing my soul.
My life was falling apart and I couldn't breathe. Every time Edward's words echoed through my mind…. Anna is my mate as well… I'm in love with her….
I felt dizzy and light-headed with pain and nausea as those words repeated over and over.
…..we have no daughter….The anger, rage and disgust in his eyes when he said those words sliced my heart like a sharp ice clod knife.
Curling up into a little ball I continued to cry for my daughter that I now most likely would not meet and when I did how would I explain to her that I had slept with her soulmate, knowing that she was meant for him?
I had no idea when but at some point I had fallen asleep because of the exhaustion that overtook me.
When I woke up light glared furiously into my eyes as the sun burned down onto Forks.
I sat up and pushed the sheets off my body. Briefly praying that it all had been just a nightmare but my puffy and dry eyes as well as my aching throat told me otherwise and fresh tears wet my cheeks.
I was bracing my body with one arm against the mattress and when I looked down I saw a little dot of red. Nausea overtook me instantly, my body heaved violently and I pressed my hand against my mouth before I jumped out of bed - not caring that I naked - throwing my bedroom door open before I rushed down the stairs into the bathroom empty my stomach.
When the powerful heaves stopped and I had rinsed out my mouth I stormed up the stairs without taking a look at myself in the mirror.
Hastily I covered my body with the first thing I could get my hand on before I ripped the sheets off my bed like a madwoman desperately trying to erase all evidence of what had happened, of what I had lost to the wrong man.
I couldn't stop. I couldn't escape out of the frantic, desperate and hysterical frenzy that suddenly had me in it's clutches.
I was fighting with my pillow cases as I though about everything I could have had in that very moment but didn't because of one stupid mistake.
I screamed bloody murder as the sheets didn't want to go off the mattress seeing Edward's face in my minds eye as he looked at me a few hours ago.
I was kicking the blanket as it slipped out of my grasps just like my life slipped out of my control.
I yelled, cursed and punched the mattress while tears were furiously running down my face as I realised that I had most likely destroyed my friendship with Jake. The one person who had been always there for me, who stood by my side no matter what.
I had slept with the one person I shouldn't have. I needed him and I did love Jake but not like this, at least not enough. He was going to be angry with and disappointed in me. He would surely hate me and rightfully so….
But how would I be able to go on without my best friend, my sun?
How could I have done that to my best friend who was meant to be my son-in-law?
What was even worse I had given my virginity to someone else than Edward.
And I had no idea how to fix this mess.
I dreaded to have to face Jake after what happened. I dreaded to have to tell the only person who had been there for me the entire time that I didn't love him enough and that what had been an amazing experience for him was a monumental mistake in my book.
I was scared witless of losing my best friend but more than that I was scared of losing Edward …..Anna is my mate as well…..as well…as well …as well ….
The punch I was about to throw halted a few inched above the mattress as my body froze when those words were echoing in my mind as I was panting frantically. Suddenly I had no energy left and was breathless as I realised that he said as well.
As well….
That meant that he had not made a decision our live together had been …. was still? within reach for me.
My mind steered out of the painful daze I had been in and I saw that my room was a mess of fabrics. In the reflection of the little mirror that Alice had once nailed on my wall opposite the window I saw myself.
I looked like a panting mess.
When I regained a little control over my shaking body I gathered everything up and pushed it into the washing machine downstairs. Panting like crazy as I turned the thing on it's highest level.
When the washing machine started to rumble and I watched the sheets getting wet and cleaned I knew what I needed to do.
I needed to explain to Edward how much his confession hurt me and that what happened with Jake was just a mistake because I needed comfort. When Edward told me that he was in love with Anna it felt like someone pulled the rug under my feet and stabbed a knife right through my heart at the same time.
He needed to know how devastated I had been and how vulnerable. He had to understand how incredibly sorry I was for my mistake. He needed to understand. He just had to….. He had forgiven me for kissing Jake in the third book …. He had to…he just had to…..
Edward's POV:
For a single moment my world was perfect.
For a single moment no worries plagued me.
For a single moment the world around me was forgotten.
For a single moment nothing else existed as the beautiful creature that was lying in my arms and the gentle breeze that caressed our bodies with the tender warmth of the summer in Washington.
All the issues and problem and worries and concerns and questions and doubts that had ruled my life for the past few weeks, actually months, were all pushed into the background. I was aware of the fact that they were still hanging over my head like swords, threatening to fall upon me any second, but they did not control my life in that instant.
I was able to breathe and to refill my batteries.
I felt lighter and ready for what was to come.
"It's getting colder," Anna whispered as she was curled up against my side, not as my love, my girlfriend but my friend who was offering me her companionship.
Her head was resting on my shoulder while the both of us just enjoyed the sunny day after our conversation. For the first time in weeks I saw light at the end of the sinister tunnel.
"I'll give you a ride home." I offered as my body rose with hers.
"You don't have to I can just call…" She began to say but I shook my head.
"It's time I go back home as well. Esme is most likely an emotional wreck and it won't get better until she saw me with her own eyes." I immediately felt bad for worrying poor Esme.
Getting up on my feet I held my hand out to assist Anna but she was already half way up by herself.
We were friends not a couple. I had to remind myself of that. There was still a long way to go for the both of us. I had to face a pronunciation with Bella and tend to the broken pieces of my heart though I did not love her anymore the end of our relationship still hurt and left wounds on my dead heart.
I owned it to Bella and myself to have closure and I owned it to Anna to offer her something healthy that was not marked and ruled by the past and tainted by unsolved issues.
Anna offered me her friendship and her companionship as well as hope for the possible future that was all I could ask for the moment.
"OK, let's get my stuff" she mumbled and walked away from my side. My hands ached to grab and pull her back to me but I resisted the powerful urge.
"Stuff?" I asked instead, pressing my clenched fists to my sides.
"My motorcycle helmet," she pointed at the dark silver thing resting in the wild grass a few feet away from us, "you can speed away road runner."
I chuckled and shook my head. The idea with the motorcycle helmet was simply brilliant. Thanks to that thing I could go way faster while carrying her than normally possible.
Anna loved speed just as much as I did. She had been riding with Jasper once on his Dukati, even though she had been scared out of her mind she screamed faster every time he asked her if he should slow down.
I had to admit that I felt jealous of my brother because she had been clinging to him with all her might while being on that bike but once I saw the joy on her considerably paled face I couldn't help but to be happy for her.
Emmett and Alice wanted to be loyal towards Bella which is why they were a little hesitant in letting Anna in though they never given her the feeling of being unwelcome while Rosalie and Jasper who had little to do with Bella quickly came to like Anna.
Rosalie because she could relate to what happened to Anna, she also got cheated off her life and Jasper enjoyed it to share his passion for history with her. He enjoyed the contact with a new person who did not wake the blood thirsty monster within him nor forced their emotions on him.
Just like mine his gift did not work on her.
Anna loved to hear about the occurrences of the past and she would often ask Jasper or Carlisle to tell her about their experiences.
Once Emmett got to know Anna he couldn't help but to like her. I often heard in his mind that he felt like he let Bella down by letting Anna into his heart but he just couldn't help it. Anna understood his crude and dirty humour like no other.
As much of a lady Anna could be she also had quite a dark and naughty side. In my eyes that made her utterly adorable.
It was Alice who worried me. She was always friendly to Anna and even liked her but no one could replace Bella. Bella was the first true friend Alice ever had and despite everything that occurred Alice loved her.
"Ready," I heard Anna call when she had the helmet pulled over her head.
Smiling I kneeled in front of her so she could climb on my back and once she was secure I rushed off. Anna was clinging tightly to my body and giggling as I ran and jumped through the wild growing forest.
I had to bite my lip to keep from groaning as her body was tightly pressed against mine and rubbed slightly against me in sync with the movements I made. I knew then that being "just" friends with her would be harder than I ever could imagine it to be.
Nearing our home I suddenly heart a familiar heartbeat racing at a frantic pace. My feet slowed until I came to a stand still and let Anna slid off my back.
"What's the matter?" She asked when she pushed up the ventail, looking confused at me.
I opened my mind to search for the thoughts of my family and immediately was assaulted by the rage filled thoughts of Rosalie. She was seething because Bella had come to our home a few hours ago wanting to speak with me.
Rosalie refused to let her enter our home which is why Bella had to wait in her truck.
"Bella is there. She wants to talk to me."
Anna sighed annoyed and rolled her eyes while she was shaking her head and crossed her arms over her chest but suddenly her head snapped up.
"Are you alright with that?" She was looking concerned at me.
After a moment I nodded my head, "I am."
"Ooooookay," she didn't look too convinced at first but shook her head a second later, "could you just get me into the house. I really don't want to have to endure the sight of her more often than absolutely necessary."
I nodded as she shoved the ventail down and we were off again.
"That cheating bitch is here. I can't believe her nerve." Rosalie screeched away the second I entered the house.
"Rosalie that's enough!" Esme admonished her.
"But," Rosalie tried to protest but Esme's stern glare silenced her though it didn't stop her from letting out a frustrated and angry growl of protest as well as to assault my mind with her hate and rage filled thoughts.
"Edward," Esme's worried thoughts were crashing down on me in rapid speed.
"I'll be fine," I assured her but the uncertainty I felt seeped into my voice and I felt a small, warm hand squeeze mine.
Startled my head whipped around and I saw Anna standing next to me, lifting the ventail up. I had no idea when I had reached for her hand but my fingers were tightly clutching onto hers, relishing the warmth and the strength her touch provided.
Anna squeezed my hand one more time, offering me a brief encouraging smile before she unclamped our intertwined fingers and went off upstairs while taking the helmet off.
"I'm fine," I repeated but this time in a more convincing voice what set Esme a little at peace.
The second I stepped out the front door I could feel Bella's eyes on me, they were swollen, bloodshot and still leaking tears.
Using human pace, to gather my thoughts and prepare myself for what was to come, I ambled over to her car while she slowly got out of it. I stopped at the hood of the truck when she just closed the driver's door and looked fearful and brokenly at me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she choked out while she was leaning with her side against the orange beast.
Bella looked lost, scared, exhausted, in pain and utterly devastated as she had her arms slung around her belly while her body was shaking with violent sobs before her sad, anguished chocolate eyes lifted to look into my own.
"Please,….I…." she stammered but suddenly cut herself off as her strength left her.
Standing there just a few steps away from her I couldn't help but wonder about how our lives had changed and as I watched her cry and whimper in pain I could see in my mind eye how I would have behaved just a few weeks ago.
The former me would have been panicked and pained by her pain and helplessly uncomfortable with her tears at the brink to sink to his knees and beg her to stop crying because he couldn't endure her anguish.
The angst ridden teenager who would look collected on the outside while cuddling his beloved in his arms would doubt himself more with each tear she shed, blaming himself for the pain the angel in his arms was in.
The boy was falling with her. Her world was falling apart and so was his. The rock he displayed to be on which she could lean on was hallow inside and the slightest gust of wind could crush it to dust.
I shook my head and was stunned about the difference. It sliced my chest open to see Anna in pain. The sadness, anguish and anger in her beautiful hazel pools was a stab into my still heart but instead of her hurt crushing my world her pain made me want to be stronger … to be there for her.
Looking back I saw that I had suffered with Anna but also always stayed strong in case she needed me because that was how a healthy relationship was supposed to work. When one party was in need, unable to go on, the other had to jump in and fight for both no matter how much it hurt to see the beloved suffer and not come apart with them.
Anna taught me that sometimes all one could do was to be there, silently showing support, waiting until one was needed actively and let the other hurt as painful as that was.
"I…I will not," Bella chocked and brought me out of my musing, "…. see Jake anymore…I promise…..I send him away." Her wet pools were pleading with me.
"Bella," I sighed.
"Please….. please forgive me. …..I'll do anything you ask of me." She started to become frantic.
"Bella?"
"I'll wait as long as you need me to and we will do it your way but please, please," she cried as tears streamed down her face and she was inching closer to me, sliding her body against the car as she did so.
Closing my eyes I shook my head as I took a step back.
"Edward?" Her voice was a desperate and confused plea.
Opening my eyes I saw her brows furrowed.
"Be angry with me. Scream at me. Yell at me. Call me every bad word you know but please tell me we get through this….. or that you need time." She begged the last part in a weaker, smaller voice.
As I watched her crying miserably, begging, pleading with me a myriad of emotions was coursing through me, letting me know that despite the fact that I wasn't in love Bella anymore I would need some time to be ready for something new.
"Please, Edward," she begged again in a teary and small voice as she took another step into my direction.
"Bella stop," I held my hands up taking another step back.
"Edward," she chocked biting her bottom lip to stifle a cry while she hugged herself tightly.
"I'm sorry," I sighed this was harder than I imagined it to be but there was no way around it.
"But you love me," she cried, "You vowed to love me and that I am the only one ….. that that would never change." More tears streamed down her cheeks.
"That's not who I am anymore," I looked directly at her not really knowing how to explain the changes in me.
"Not who you are anymore!" Bella barked a bitter laugh before she brushed her tears off with the back of her right hand.
"You haven't been yourself ever since I came back. I mean look at yourself," she pointed at my clothes, "You have been dressing like a normal teenager but now you look like some fashion model that is about to step on the runway."
Truth to be told I had been dressing down for Bella's sake and only returned to my pervious style in Anna's presence but that was not something I could tell Bella. It would only hurt her feelings unnecessarily.
I wanted to end things with her to bring us both closure not to hurt her more than I already was by doing what I had to, what felt right.
"You are changing who you are for her, don't you see that!" She cried in desperation.
"You don't need to change for me." Bella pressed her hands against her chest while her bloodshot eyes bore into my own, "I love you just the way you are."
"I know that Bella," she sighed in relief, "It is just that I like who I'm becoming because of Anna….No," I shook my head, "who I am because of her."
Looking up I saw her alarmed and pained eyes stare in disbelieve at me.
"I'm sorry ella but while you are still who you have been I have moved on. You are my first love and you will always be but you are not the one I'm planning to have a future with."
A moment of utter silence past before Bella began to chock as she shook her head in denial, desperately gasping for air as she bent forward with pain while she clutched the spot over her heart.
As much as it hurt to see her tears fall on the ground and to hear the gut wrenching sobs that violently shook her small frame I couldn't help the feeling of rightness that spread in my chest right next to the guilt for bringing so much pain to her.
Alice rushed to her side and drew Bella into her arms, pressing Bella into her stone hard body as she tried to reach out for me crying my name with such anguish it felt like a stab in my chest each time.
Go I will take care of her. Alice ordered me away.
I nodded and after one last glance at her my legs moved and I broke out into a run, away from her pain and her cries.
Ending a relationship hurt. Despite the fact that I had not a single doubt that what I had done had been the right thing it would still take a while for the emotions to settle that rose in me because of the break up.
Alice's POV:
My thoughts were a mess. A mess just as our life's had become. I once had a clear vision of Bella being a Vampire and being happy with Edward and married to him but now ….
I was floored when Rosalie told, more like yelled and cursed, informing us about what she had witnessed at Bella's place. How everything came this far I had no idea.
My body jerked into action as Bella's truck nearly shot off the road and down a drop-of while Bella was driving under tears.
Once Edward had disappeared and Bella's sobs lessened she just wanted to be alone and to get away. I would have pushed to drive her back home but in the condition she was in I could see that that would have no gone over well, which was why I had been running along side the truck.
Ripping the door of the passenger side open I climbed inside the orange beast and jerked the steering wheel around in the last second before I parked the car on the other side of the road.
Bella started crying hysterically as she leaned her upper body in my direction until her head rested on my lap.
My hands found their way into her hair and I saw stroking her head in comforting patterns after a while, unsure how I felt about what had transpired in the past couple of hours.
"Bella," I said tenderly as she seemed to have calmed a little.
She sat up and her bloodshot eyes looked pleadingly at me.
"It can't be! Please, tell me that this is just a nightmare."
Pressing my lips into a thin line my eyes swayed away from hers.
Bella chocked and began crying again.
"I had never wasted….. one single thought about becoming a mother….. or ever having children but ….. but ….. once I read the books," my eyes snapped back to hers as she shook her head.
"I love her. I love Nessie, so much. I can't explain it. I have never met her but reading about her … imagining how she would look like…" she sobbed and for the first time I understood why Bella had been behaving so selfishly.
She had been trying to save her daughter's life and the only way to accomplish that was to keep the future, which had been written down in those books, intact.
"I don't know how I can love somebody who I have never met before so much but I do." She cried and I understood her since I also had loved Jasper years before I actually met him.
"Oh Bella," I sighed heavily and drew her into my arms while she sobbed violently and cried bitterly.
"Why didn't you ever tell me, Bella?"
She wiped her tears stained cheeks with the back of her hands.
"In the books Edward was scared and wanted me to get rid of Nessie when we discovered that I….." she sobbed again, drawing oxygen into her lungs, "I thought that if I tell him he would refuse to…that he would say it was too dangerous and the risk was too high…..and now…..and now Edward…" she broke down crying not able to get another word out.
Holding her in my arms I pondered what she had revealed and a thought suddenly hit me.
"But if you would have been successful it would have left Anna with nothing. If Edward married you and you became a part of our family she would have no place to go and the wolves are really no solution." I said out loud and felt her body freeze and her sobs stop.
Her reaction answered my unspoken question; she had not thought her plan through. That was a bad habit of hers like when James lured her into his trap. How she could have thought that if she did what he wanted he actually would have let her mother free (in case he really would have had her) was still a riddle to me.
Bella started crying again and I sighed.
Even when I understood her motivation and it seemed just, at least out of Bella's perspective, she would have only gotten Edward and their daughter on Anna's expenses.
I didn't know if Bella didn't care or hadn't wanted to think about the consequences for Anna in case she succeeded or really thought that it would be that easy to create a new life for Anna though I could only shake my head at the idea with the check.
Most likely she did it the same way as she dealt with the fact that becoming a Vampire meant leaving her parents behind; she didn't spend much time thinking about it and found as many excuses she could to justify her decisions.