That night, after our date, I sit on my couch with Meatball snuggled against my side, my laptop balanced precariously on my knees. My fingers fly over the keyboard as I scour the internet for any signs that Seonho and I have been exposed. Every click and refresh feels like a ticking time bomb. My heart races with every new post, every potential hint of discovery.
Hours pass, and my eyes grow heavy. Anxiety claws at my insides, twisting my stomach into knots. I lean back and close my eyes, trying to breathe through the tension. This constant vigilance, this need to hide, it's suffocating.
I think about Seonho's smile, his warmth, the way he makes me feel alive and seen. Hiding feels like a betrayal of that happiness. I don't want to keep him a secret; I want to show him off to the world. I want everyone to know that I'm with one of the hottest idols in the industry and that he's mine.
The idea is crazy, reckless even. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I'm tired of living in fear, tired of hiding who I am and who I'm with. Seonho is worth it.
With a determined breath, I grab my phone and send a message to both Seonho and Jaewook, asking them to join a FaceTime call. It doesn't take long for their faces to appear on my screen, both looking curious and slightly concerned.
Seonho's lop-sided grin greets me first. "Ah, it's my honorable lady," he says in an exaggerated and haughty manner using the old dialect.
I roll my eyes and so does Jaewook, though he doesn't know the context the antics must be par for the course with him and Seonho too.
"What's up?" Jaewook asks.
I bite my bottom lip as I think about how to say it, and they both immediately seem to sense my nervousness.
"Uh oh, I don't like that look on your face," Seonho frowns, his dark brows drawing together, "You better not be calling to break-up with us. I'm warning you, I don't handle break-ups well. I might start crying and begging you to take me back. It'll be embarrassing for all of us."
I laugh, shaking my head. "Actually, it's the opposite."
Jaewook raises an eyebrow, his expression thoughtful. "What's on your mind?"
I take a deep breath, gather my courage to just say it. "I've been thinking … about how stressful it is to hide all the time. And how happy you both make me."
Seonho's grin fades into something softer, more serious. "Go on."
"I was just wondering," I continue. "What both of you think about making my relationship with Seonho public? Official?"
There's a moment of silence as they both process what I've said.
"Just Seonho?" Jaewook asks gently.
I take a deep breath, steadying my nerves. "I want to go public with Seonho first."
Seonho's eyes widen in surprise, while Jaewook's brow furrows. I rush to explain before they can jump to conclusions.
"Seonho already has so many eyes on him," I say, my voice steady but my heart pounding. "He's the most difficult to go out in public with without being spotted. The media is always watching him, and it feels like only a matter of time before they figure it out, anyway."
Seonho's expression shifts from surprise to understanding. He nods slowly, processing my words.
"I'm not saying I don't want to be public with you too, Jaewook," I continue, turning to him. "But you're flying under the radar right now. If we make it public with Seonho first, it might take some of the attention off you. It could be a distraction for the media."
Jaewook's eyes narrow thoughtfully as he considers my suggestion. He's always been the more strategic thinker between the two of them.
"And this way," I add, "Seonho and I can go out without having to go through so many extra steps. We can be seen together without it being such a big deal because everyone will already know."
Seonho's grin returns, though it's softer now, more genuine. "I see your point. It's true that I've got cameras on me 24/7, anyway."
Jaewook remains silent for a moment longer, his gaze flicking between Seonho and me. Finally, he nods slowly.
"It might actually be a good idea," he concedes. "It would definitely take some of the heat off me."
Relief floods through me at his agreement. I was worried he might feel left out or unimportant, but Jaewook has always been pragmatic.
"So we're doing this?" Seonho asks, his grin widening again. "We're going public?"
I smile, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. "Yes, we're doing this."
Seonho pumps his fist in the air in a playful gesture of victory. "Finally! No more sneaking around like criminals."
Jaewook laughs softly, shaking his head, but there's a warmth in his eyes that tells me he's on board.
"Just promise me one thing," Jaewook says, his tone serious again.
"Anything," I reply without hesitation.
"Promise me that we'll be careful," he says. "The media can be ruthless, and I don't want us getting hurt because of this."
I nod solemnly. "I promise. We'll be careful."
I lean back on the couch, relief and apprehension tangling up inside of me. Meatball shifts, snuggling closer to me as if sensing my unease. "Seonho," I start, my voice tentative, "are you sure this won't get you in trouble with your agency?"
Seonho's laugh is a rich, confident sound that fills the room. "Trouble? Iseul, I own a larger share of the agency than some of the founders. I've been an idol long enough that my label doesn't make an issue out of relationships anymore."
His words ease some of my worries, but I glance at Jaewook. "And you, Jaewook? Are you really okay with me being with just Seonho publicly?"
Jaewook's expression softens as he looks at me. "Iseul, even if the public found out about us, I'd accept whatever came with it. But I'm fine with living quietly. I'm not jealous of Seonho's attention."
I nod, feeling a sense of gratitude for Jaewook's understanding. It's a delicate balance we're trying to maintain, and his support means everything.
Seonho leans forward, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "So, do you want my agency to put out a statement? We can control the narrative from the start."
I shake my head, a sly smile forming on my lips. "No need for that. I have a better idea about how to reveal our relationship to the public."
Both Seonho and Jaewook raise their eyebrows in curiosity.
"So, what I'm thinking…" I say and start to lay out my plan to both of them, my crazy plan that if I pull it off, might be my biggest scheme yet.