"BOOOM"
Debris and mud is flying towards me.
Blood, guts and loose body parts are mixed into the debris.
It's like a fucking twisted human meat piñata
All around me explosions are going off.
If I had to describe hell this would certainly not be the only place I'd describe, but I doubt It would be the last one either.
Charred remains lay in front of me, my mouth wide open... one of the worst decisions I'd made this year.
Well I'd never been great at making decisions.
Except for today...
I had avoided death because of my decision.
My whole squad lay there insides spilling out giving off a gut wrenching smell, sulfur, wet mud and blood.
A combination only found in these disgusting trenches.
My knees got weak and I fell to the ground with a case of ammunition falling with me.
My squad was dead!
Just a minute ago I had been told to get more ammunition and now...
Daniel would never again get to hug his little Emma.
Despite the harsh environment of war, Daniel diligently studied for the state exam, wishing to send his little Emma to school.
A privilege he never had.
The captain that had led us through thick and thin, would never be able to share his whiskey and talk about his horrid wife who didn't seem to bad too me except that she apparently didn't sent the captain enough letters….she always complained about him going back to war.
The captain had been a weird man.... he didn't need to go to war, he'd fought bravely in the previous war and even earned a medal protecting the son of a noble.
Despite that he volunteered to go to war spouting nonsense about seeing too many young men die... and that it was his responsibility to make sure even just one more survived.
Then there was Jimmy, whose dream it was to become an actor so he could make out with all the hot actresses.
Not the most heroic lad but certainly not someone deserving of death.
He held a picture of a naked lady in his helmet and would kiss it before every major battle.
But he also cried himself to sleep every night and made jokes to hide his fear, which often relieved the tension before battle.
None of them would get to live out their lives.
But that wasn't what was bothering me.
Sure their deaths won't be remembered by their loved ones.
Their dreams will die out like a dwindling flame.
But the fate of being forgotten is no stranger to us on the battlefield, where people are thrown into gunfire, like seeds into the field, hoping that at least one might sprout.
"BOOOOM"
Another explosion goes off right beside me.
My eyes are so wide open they are about to pop out.
Although I have some cuts on my face and am soaked in blood I am mostly unharmed.
I spit out the disgusting blood mixed with mud.
In this moment of malicious absurdity.
My mind expanded, I had realised something.
If I hadn't gone out to get ammunition..... I would lie there with them.
Guts spilling out, lifeless eyes, limbs severed and some parts squashed or even pulverised to dust.
there is no "making it out alive" on this battlefield.... there's just 'surviving another day'.
And in this fucked up world I had been spared.
Me…
Scum of the earth….
The only one of them that had not a sliver of love in his body.
I realised that I had not been spared for some kind of grand goal.
The universe hadn't 'chosen me' nor did some lofty god take pity on my fate.
No, it was much simpler.
"GET THE FUCK UP SOLDIER!!! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! DON'T JUST SIT THERE CHARGE THE ENEMY!!!"
I didn't have time to contemplate.
"BOOOOM"
Another mortar explosion fell down right beside me.
Mud flew into my eyes, blinding me as I squinted my eyes shut.
But this only stopped me for a second.
I jumped up and wiped the mud out of my face ready to move even if that meant becoming gun fodder.
Our mortars had already started bombarding the enemy.
It was now my time to shine, it was time for me to accept my fate as an irrelevant extra.
I could hear the bestial shouts of soldiers near me but they where drowned by the ungodly sounds of explosions and gunshots.
I'm climbing atop the trenches but the wet mud is so slippery I almost fall face first.
Holding myself up by using the walls of the trenches I climb atop with my weapon at hand.
Smoke grenades are thrown to hide the soldiers advance.
Flying bullets and shrapnel are flying towards me, the smell of rotting bodies mixed with wet mud is permeating my whole body.
At least it isn't raining bullets anymore, with the cover of my comrades mortars, the remaining gunfire becomes less of an impenetrable wall of bullets and more of a few blind shots aimed in our direction.
That did not keep several of my comrades from dying.
There is nothing I can do, I need to keep moving forward or I am going to die.
Two shots graze me, they don't leave any real damage though, sprinting towards any form of cover I jump into a ditch.
Shots fly over my head and I am not sure if the ditch is deep enough to shield me from the bullets, so I try making myself as small as possible.
Shots fly in my direction blowing dirt into the air.
But thankfully it is deep enough.
I can even look towards the enemies for a moment.
They look no better than our forces, roughed up with dried blood and mud on their faces and uniform, No..
They look even worse than we do.
They're at a disadvantage.
It would be great if that was enough for them to give up, but this just makes them fight harder.
With no path for retreat, their only chance for survival is to defy all odds.
But all of that does not matter to me.
I'm just happy to not fight a losing battle.
I just have to survive.
I look up again.
I see a panic stricken soldier that holds his head out for a bit too long.
Aim my gun at him and take my shot.
"BANG"
I miss.
I take another shot.
"BANG"
At the sound of my bullet he twitches his head towards me.
But it's already too late for him.
I can see him falling down.
Then I see another soldier seemingly having completely lost his mind charging out troops with red eyes and tears in his face.
His commander tries to hold him back but it's too late for that.
There was no need to shoot him, he was shredded like swiss cheese just seconds after charging.
This was not the place to be blinded by rage, just a small moment of carelessness could kill you, trying to be a hero was just a sure way to make your inevitable death come sooner.
I had never really understood how you could lose control like that, did they not care about their life, or was their conviction just too small.
I would never find out and I also never intended to.
When I saw my comrades resume the charge after being commanded to by their captain I went and charged behind them.
I could see myself living through this.
I knew what my plan was.
—
While my comrades did all the work I would walk up behind them.
They would scream and shout, a lot of them would die.
But that did not need to bother me.
I had bigger priorities, like plundering their storage room.
Even in the storage room there would be no enemies, all the soldiers being too occupied with fighting for their life.
I would just enjoy a big piece of white bread with some honey, then gulp down some whiskey.
Wasted out of my mind, I would get the news that I could go home now and that the war was over.
—
But obviously it wasn't that easy.
As I charge the enemy trenches I see two men with their uniforms on and their eyes opening wide as they see me.
They are inside the trenches, their bodies positioned away from me, but their heads already on target.
They had most likely missed me because my comrades were already rampaging in there.
The first one is quick to react, his weapon already pointed at me, so I make the judgment to shoot him first.
After the first shot there are no more chambers in my rifle.
"Tsk"
Stupid cheap standard rifle only had 6 shots, it's only advantage being that it was virtually impossible to jam and cost almost nothing to produce
Without any time to reload, the second soldier swayed his weapon to aim at me.
I only have a second to react.
But a second is enough to kill someone.
I lunge at him with my bayonet like a spear and impale him with it.
Another soldier, which I hadn't seen as he was hidden behind his comrades, regained his bearings and was aiming his rifle at me.
With no time to pull out my bayonet or strike him my mind is racing.
I can see the swaying of his weapon, the clenching of his teeth.
His comrade who is now lying there motionless and the hatred that fills his eyes because of that fact,
He has his finger on the trigger and I know it is a matter of seconds before he shoots.
But he hesitates for a short moment…
I knew why.
It was due to my appearance.
But I did not care for his reasons, I just saw a sliver of hope.
In a desperate attempt for survival I fill my hand with mud and throw it at him.
This blinds him for just a second.
I try dodging to the side using the blind spot the mud created for me.
"BANG"
Despite that he pulls the trigger.
I can see the muzzle flash and the recoil of the rifle.
My ears are ringing
But only after the echoing of the gunfire dies down and the surrounding sound comes back can I be sure whether I was successful.
I dodged the bullet by a hair's breadth and not having time to celebrate I tackle him.
On the ground we fight over the control of the rifle and there I feel my left arm being compromised.
It seems I hadn't dodged the bullet, a deep wound on my left arm.
I was praying that it had not hit any important arteries, but as I was still standing, or more accurately rolling around in the mud I would have to think about it later.
The wound was likely just a flesh wound anyways.
Although I didn't look like it, I was surprisingly strong which gave me the upper hand in close quarter combat.
I get on top of him and start striking him over and over and over again.
He dodges some punches and blocks most but the occasional hit makes his resolve weaker.
I keep punching with everything I got, until I pummel him to death his arms falling to the sides and his eyes losing focus.
My hands are damaged and bloody.
"Aahhhhh"
A shout
This was not my shout of victory, but someone behind me announcing his arrival.
As I take a panicked look behind me, ready to crawl like a pathetic bug if needed, I can see an enemy soldier aiming his weapon at me.
With my head dead center.
Oh no….