I'm physically present, but emotionally shattered. My phone incessantly buzzes with calls from Raze, each one piercing my heart anew. I glance at the screen, tears welling up once more, and for the umpteenth time, I decline his call.
Damn it! My heart feels like it's been torn to shreds.
Messages flood in, from both him and Mom. Ugh! No, I can't bring myself to call her that, not now.
All eyes seem to be on me, so I sink into a seat, desperately trying to wipe away my tears, but they keep coming, unstoppable.
From Raze: Love, I didn't know that you left already. Why? Did I do something to inconvenience you? I thought you were just preparing and working early. Why did you leave me? Is it because your dad is sick?
His messages keep breaking my heart. He doesn't understand.
Conscience: Because you didn't explain. You said nothing!
Yeah, that's right! I'm a coward.
From Raze: I'm your boss, I want you back. I'm your fiance. Love, I need you here by my side. Please, tell me what's wrong. We can work things out. Answer my damn calls, please! We're happy together, right? Why do you have to leave?
I can barely see his messages through my tears, which keep interrupting. I feel like all my strength is gone, and I can't move anymore.
Do I regret falling in love with him? No. Do I regret leaving him? Yes, but that's the only way to make everything fine again. Shit! I can't read any more of his messages, or I won't stop crying.
"I love you very much! K3U! Eight letters for you, my love. I'm heartily sorry, but I have to end what's between us. I have a valid reason, love. Hope you understand."
These were the words I typed while crying and struggling to breathe. These will be my last words to him. I blocked him from my contact list and on all my social media accounts. I must do it, though it tears me apart. It's my pain, but I can't keep hurting myself.
There's more hurt in trying to forget him than in leaving him. I'm going crazy!
I wipe my tears again as Stacey calls me.
"Hi, how's dad?" I ask, seeing the worry etched on her face, but I'm really hurting inside.
"Sis, I'm sorry! None of this would have happened if they hadn't used us." Her eyes glisten with sadness and regret, not amusement.
"I'm fine. It's fine. We're just not meant to be," I reply, looking away to hide my pain.
"Dad's stable now. Anyway, your childhood friend Ron will fetch you. He volunteered."
"I see, okay! Thanks, sis. You can end the call now; I'll just wait for Ron here." I just can't bear to hear more. My tears are unstoppable.
Raze, if we're meant to be... we'll meet again.
It's hard to think about being strangers with him again. I was so scared to lose him, but now it's reality. He's someone I love the most and someone I've lost. I'm sorry, love. If we bump into each other in the future and you have your own family, I hope we can just smile and remember the memories. It's heartbreaking to think about.
Shit! What am I thinking? I'm just tormenting myself. We've only known each other for months, but it feels like years. I miss him already.
I look at the sky. We're far apart now, but I hope he'll be happy with her.
"Catherine!" His voice is sweet and familiar, almost comforting.
I turn around and see Ron waving back at me. He steps out of his car and walks towards me.
He looks more fit now, cool, and undeniably handsome, but my mind betrays me by comparing him to Raze. Gosh! I'm thinking about him again. How dare I compare my childhood best friend to my boyfriend—ex-boyfriend?
"Hi, Ron! Gosh, you look great!" I exclaim, trying to sound like a happy kid. As if.
"You're more beautiful, but you look wasted. What happened to your eyes?" he asks, straightforward as ever. He's always been able to notice what's wrong immediately.
"My eyes are obviously swollen," I say, forcing a small laugh.
Ron's concerned expression deepens, and I can tell he wants to know more, but he respects my space.
"Come on," he says gently. "Let's get you home."
I nod, grateful for his presence, even though my heart feels like it's breaking all over again.
"My eyes got irritated! I missed you. How are you?" I say, grinning secretly. I hope he doesn't ask about my eyes again, or he'll dig for reasons until I break down in tears.
"I missed you too, my childhood best friend. I miss the old times when you'd cry over a candy," he says, chuckling.
"Yeah! And then you'd give me a bunch, even though Mom would scold you. The next day, you'd sneak me lollipops, and I'd hide them so Mom wouldn't get mad." I laugh, remembering how I used to be a crybaby and how he was my knight, always ready to entertain me and make me laugh.
Ron smiles warmly. "Those were simpler times. It's good to see you smile again, even if it's just a little."
"Yeah, it feels good to laugh at those memories," I reply, feeling a bit lighter.
"Let's go. We have a lot of catching up to do," he says, guiding me to the car.
As we drive, I think about how much has changed since those days and how, despite everything, some bonds remain strong. Ron's presence feels like a comforting reminder of better times, and for now, that's enough.
I wish I could go back to being a kid, when my biggest problems were eating and endlessly playing with friends—most of the time, just Ron and I.
"Let's go? We'll talk more later," he says, carrying my suitcases and putting them in the car's trunk before opening the passenger seat door for me. Always a gentleman.
As we drive, Ron talks a lot, while I keep up my act, pretending to be fine.
"Ron-ron," I suddenly uttered, remembering the past.
"You always said it so sweetly, Cathy!" he smiles, using the name only he calls me.
"You still remember it? I always loved hearing it!" He added, feeling a rush of nostalgia. My friends used to tease me because 'Lorence' sounded like such a grown-up name, but Ron² always cheered me up by calling me Cathy. It was sweet.
"How could I forget anything about you? I remember how you ran away from the doctor during the vaccination when we were 3 years old," he laughs, his eyes crinkling up at the corners.
"Hey, you're not supposed to remember that! It's embarrassing!" I protest, joining in his laughter. He continues reminiscing, recounting embarrassing memories and laughing hysterically, and I can't help but join in.
I smile back, feeling a bittersweet nostalgia. "Remember when we used to run around the park all day? I miss those carefree days."
He nods, glancing at me. "Yeah, those were the best. You were always so full of energy and laughter."
"And you were always there to make sure I was okay," I add, my voice softening. "You were my knight in shining armor, even back then."
Ron chuckles. "Well, someone's gotta look out for you, right? But seriously, Cathy, if you need anything, just let me know. I'm here for you, always."
His words bring a warmth to my heart, a reminder that despite the pain, there are still people who care deeply for me. "Thanks, Ron. I appreciate it."
We continue driving, the cityscape passing by as we catch up on old times. For a moment, I let myself get lost in the comfort of our shared history, grateful for this piece of my past that still feels safe and supportive.
We reached the hospital around 7:00 am, and after checking on them, I decided to head home. Ron was with me since he mentioned he wasn't busy. After quickly sorting out my things, I planned to return to the hospital. But before that, Ron and I stopped by our favorite snack house for a quick bite.
Waffles, fried treats, and chocolate ice cream - just like old times. We used to do this often, especially after school or during our regular snack times at around 9:00 am and 3:00 pm.
Ronier Calvin Suarez, my childhood best friend, now a professional architect and well-known figure.
The doctor informed us that they had found a kidney donor, and tomorrow would be the perfect time for the transplant.
It's a struggle to keep my emotions in check as I greet my mom and Stacey. Toby's kiss brings a moment of warmth, but it's fleeting. I glance at the remote control car - a reminder of Raze.
Handling my emotions feels like navigating a minefield, but I can't let them see my vulnerability now. I don't want them to worry or blame themselves for my current state. But are my thoughts even rational? I'm not sure.
Leaving Raze without explanation goes against everything I've ever said about fighting for him. It's a decision that still feels surreal, like I'm living in someone else's nightmare.
"Toby, you're such a sweetheart," I say, returning his wave with a smile. I give Dad a gentle kiss on the forehead; he's sleeping soundly.
In the private room, we chat, but I steer clear of mentioning Raze. It's a topic I'm not ready to broach.
"Mom, I'm feeling really tired. I think I'll lie down for a bit," I announce, settling onto the extension bed near the couch. As I close my eyes, thoughts of Raze flood my mind. I love him more than words can express, and tears slip down my cheeks, unnoticed by the others in the room.
My energy is drained, and my heart feels heavy. I'm tired of struggling, tired of hurting, tired of pretending everything is okay.
Why does Cupid always seem to strike at the worst possible moments? Doesn't he understand the pain of a broken heart?
"Cath? Are you okay?" Mom's voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Hmm?" I respond, trying to shake off the melancholy that envelops me.
"It's lunchtime. Let's eat," she says gently.
I take a seat at the table, surrounded by my family. Ron is holding Toby, and Stacey stands nearby, offering me a reassuring smile.
Stacey has chosen to stay with Dad while we are going out to eat. I lean in and kiss Dad's forehead, noting how pale he looks.
"Dad, how are you feeling?" I inquire softly, concern etched on my face.
"I'm fine, sweetheart. I should be the one asking how you're doing," Dad says softly, his eyes full of concern.
Tears well up in my eyes, but I quickly blink them away. "I'm fine, Dad. See?" I step back a little, giving him a glimpse of my forced smile and composed exterior.
"Yeah, you look fine, but how's your heart since..." His voice trails off, but I know exactly what he means.
"Don't worry, Dad. You're still my number one, okay?" I respond, trying to dodge the emotional landmine. I can't break down today. Not today.
"Alright, we'll have a heart-to-heart once I'm better. I love you," he says sweetly, his words bringing a genuine smile to my face.
"I love you too, Dad. We're going to grab some lunch now," I say, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before heading out for a meal.
"Sure, eat well, sweetie!" Dad says with a tired smile.
"Thanks, Dad!" I respond, giving him one last smile before we head to the hospital's canteen.
As we settle down, Ron hands me a plate. "Here, I know you love it!"
I look down to see the belly of the milkfish, and my mom can't help but chime in, "You still remember, Ron!"
His thoughtfulness brings back a flood of memories. I remember how we used to trade food when we were kids, I'd give him my vegetables, and he'd give me his milkfish belly. Eventually, he started bringing milkfish belly just for me, no trades required. He really is sweet.
"We ate a lot together before, so I can't forget it!" Ron replied, giving my mom a sweet smile.
"Sus! Drama!" I joked, trying to lighten the mood. They both laughed.
"Just kidding, thanks Ron²," I added, grateful for his support.
The next day, the operation started early, around 6 am. Now, we're sitting outside the ER, waiting anxiously, praying for Dad's survival and safety.
Dear Self,
Everything will work out fine, and everything happens for a good reason. Stay positive.
Love,
Self♥️
Around 10 am, the doctor announced that the operation went well, and we finally breathed normally, relieved. Dad stayed in the hospital to recover, which took 2 weeks. During those days, I secretly cried every night. Sometimes, I laughed at myself for crying over the consequences of my decisions. Yet, I was happy because Dad was getting better. Stacey went back to school like normal, and Mom always went with Toby to his kindergarten class. They were out every day.
As for me, I kept myself busy working on our vineyard. I checked the products before delivery and helped prepare them, even though we had assigned workers. Sometimes, I joined our delivery team because staying home only led to more tears.
"Cathy, ready to go?" I answered the phone.
"Oh! Ron, you're here already?" We had planned to go for a drive today.
"Yeah! This way, you can get home early." He was right; Dad was waiting at home, with only his servant to help him since he couldn't do heavy tasks.
"Sure, let's go!" I said, grabbing my body bag.
"Jane, I'm heading out now. Bye! Bye, everyone!" I waved, and they all responded with a chorus of "Take care!"
Ron drove until we reached the old airport, then he let me take the wheel.
"You're really good at driving. You should get a car. I bet you had a good driving instructor." I just smiled and nodded. Raze is great, and he's more than a good instructor.
I only drove three times back and forth since he said I'm too good to stay practicing, then he let me drive until we got home.
"Ron, have a coffee before you leave!" I offered. It was already 3 p.m., and it was really coffee time.
"Sure, hi uncle!" he greeted my dad.
"Hi, had fun?" Dad asked, putting down the newspaper.
"Yeah! How are you feeling?" Ron asked him again before I excused myself to make coffee in the kitchen.
"Hi, Mom!" She was preparing snacks.
"Have some!" She handed me a bowl of potato chips and fries.
"Thanks, Mom. Where's Toby?"
"He's playing with Jaira!" Ah, he's at our neighbor's house, Mom's friend.
"I see."
"After this, I'm going to call him. Where's Ron?"
"He's talking with Dad."
"He looks in love with you."
"I don't think so!"
"He is. Didn't you notice his stare and smile when he's with you?"
"Mom, that's normal. He's always been like that since we were kids," I reasoned, though it piqued my curiosity.
"He's been in love with you since then!"
"Mom, you're just assuming that. He's not in love, okay?" I replied, turning on the coffee maker.
I love Ron, but only as a friend. I hope he won't develop any deeper feelings for me, because I know I won't feel the same way about him. It's still you, Raze. I hope you're doing well.
Last week, I came across some rumors on social media accusing me of being a gold digger. I know Mr. Rance wouldn't do that, fortunately. After a day, the issue fizzled out like a bubble. Did Raze have something to do with it? How? I heard he went to Spain with Sabrina.
Did their engagement proceed? Is he a married man now? It's driving me crazy!
"Hija-"
"Mom?"
"You're staring at your cup, what's on your mind?"
"N-nothing, mom. Just something that crossed my mind. Nothing to worry about!" I smiled to reassure her.
"Okay, I'll go to the living room now," she said, carrying a tray.
After making coffee, I joined them in the living room, where we chatted while snacking.
Toby joined us, sitting comfortably on Ron's lap.
Around 4 PM, Ron left, saying he had to meet someone.
"Sweety, I told you that I'll have a heart-to-heart talk with you!"
"S-sure," I smile.
It feels like I'm both ready and not ready because it still hurts. Somehow, I manage to stay positive and calm my crying heart. No one can comfort me; only I can.
"How's your heart?"
"It's sad, dad, but at the same time, it's happy. Gradually, it's accepting everything and learning that not everything we cherish will last until the end... maybe love is like medicine or food; it has an expiry date."
"Yeah, but why are you still smiling bitterly?"
"Dad, you're weird!" I laugh.
"Sweety, Love is patient and kind."
"Corintians, huh! Dad, I miss him... so much."
"I know, I often saw you looking at his pictures and hugging your teddy bear while crying."
"Dad, that means you're sneaking behind?"
"No, you're not a good pretender, sweety!" I laughed.
"I'm a good pretender, dad. You're just my father who can feel what I feel easily. I love you!"
"I love you too!"
"Sus, drama! Hi guys!" It's Stacey, coming from school.
"Crazy!" I chided them. She kissed dad and me too, then searched for mom and Toby to greet them.
I'm very lucky that I have them, someone to lean on.
Days had passed, and months too.
I even celebrated my birthday joyfully and received a mysterious gift. It's a complete Hunter X Hunter characters set of figurines, plus I have my own. I wonder who gave it, but I'm so happy. Meanwhile, my family gave me a car, and Ron gave me a road bike. We often go biking around, especially during weekends.
I'm 24 now, trying to erase someone from my system, from my heart, but Raze, I can't. I still love you so much.
One day, while scrolling through my social media accounts, I stumbled upon a job posting that seemed perfect for me. However, I brushed it off. Later, my dad mentioned the same job opening, saying he saw it in the newspaper. Xgames was searching for an animator and game designer. Should I give it a try? It's been almost four months since I started moving on. Perhaps it's time to take a step forward.
The job was located in Cazila, a city full of memories for me. I might see Raze again there, but how? I suppose he's still in Spain. Raze, what happened? Why did he reject Sabrina? Do you still love me? I'm sorry! I know I'm not the one for you; your dad won't allow it. I appreciate how you've taken care of my heart because it's still beating for you. Unfortunately, fate seems determined to keep us apart. I miss those old times, just like how I miss you. I sigh!
"Mom, dad! I've made up my mind. I'm going to apply at Xgames!"
"Is it 'I guess' or 'I should', dear?"
"Hmm, I think it's 'I should', mom!" I reply with a laugh, acknowledging my hesitation.
"Well then, give it a try so you can keep yourself busy!"
"Is that all, dad? I'll do it, dad. I'm going to prepare my forms now."
"Sure, hija! I know you're qualified."
"I hope so, mom! I'm heading to the coffee shop nearby. I'll get my papers ready there."
"Sure, hija, drive safely."
"Thanks, mom. Bye, dad!" I said, grabbing my backpack from my room, where my laptop was waiting. I planned to apply online, but I'll visit their company for the interview. I sent the company my application right away.
After a few moments and finishing my third cup of coffee, I received their reply.
Xgames Company: We've scheduled you for an interview this coming Friday at 2 PM.
Ledesma, St. Blanko Road 103. That's the address, and it's signed by Miles Trivor Dench, the owner. Unexpected, but I'm glad.
Friday? That'll be the third day after tomorrow, so I guess I won't be traveling by plane. I'll bring my baby, Thunder, my car, so the ship is the best choice.
I head home and share the good news with my parents, who are thrilled and support my decision to bring Thunder along, which excites me even more.
The day of my new adventure arrives, it's Tuesday. I'm here, inhaling the fresh air from the ship's deck, and soon we'll be arriving at Cazila. I'm excited; I'm going to find a condominium unit when I arrive. That's my plan since Mom didn't use my money for Dad's medication.
We arrived after an hour, and I'm excited to hit the road with baby Thunder and explore the city.
"Thank you!" I express my gratitude to the crew member who drove my car off the ship.
With Google Maps guiding me, I navigate smoothly through the city, though I admit I'm a bit nervous; it's my first time driving on such spacious highways.
I successfully found a condominium unit around 1 pm, conveniently close to Xgames.
Thank goodness for things falling into place so easily.
The condo already has a bed and some furniture, but I still need a couch and other appliances, so I placed an order online. The packages are set to arrive the day after tomorrow. I'm getting really excited.
Finally, the moment I've been waiting for arrives, my job interview.
"For experience, I've worked as an animator and games designer at Texno," I mentioned, noticing some whispering among the interviewers...
"You're hired!" The boss declares, his words a wave of relief and excitement crashing over me.
My reaction must have been priceless, judging by the congratulatory smiles around me. Things seem to be moving faster than expected. The boss even suggests I can start right away if I want. He's quite the character, with a witty and jovial demeanor. It's no wonder he can easily make us laugh with his gestures, expressions, and exaggerated voice.
The next day, a cheerful Monday, I arrived at my cubicle to find a bouquet of flowers waiting for me. "Have a great start, beautiful," read the note attached. I glanced around, but no one seemed to be acting suspiciously. The flowers emitted a pleasant, sweet aroma, and I couldn't help but smile as I set them aside and began my work. I was determined to uncover the mystery behind these thoughtful gestures soon enough.
As the days went by, I continued to receive flowers daily and a Starbucks coffee every afternoon at 3 pm. However, I hesitated to drink the coffee, unsure of its source. While I loved coffee, I couldn't risk consuming something from an unknown sender. The mystery of the gifts persisted, and I couldn't shake the curiosity gnawing at me.
Eventually, the boss requested a personal meeting with me, unrelated to work. My curiosity piqued further as I wondered what this conversation might entail.
"I like you, Lorence," the boss's unexpected confession caught me off guard, and I stiffened, trying to maintain composure.
"Is that a joke, sir?" I asked awkwardly, unsure of how to respond.
"I'm a joker, but this time, I don't mean it as one! Don't worry, I just wanted to tell you," he reassured me with a playful grin.
"Um, okay, sir! Thank you," I managed to reply, still feeling a bit flustered.
"Please, no need to thank me! Besides, you sound like a beautiful criminal every time you apologize," he quipped, and we shared a laugh, despite the seriousness of the moment. His ability to inject humor into any situation never failed to amaze me.
"I hope you don't distance yourself. I want you to be my friend, but if there's a chance, I want to be more than that!" His smile was genuine as he ruffled my hair.
Surprisingly, I didn't feel awkward. Despite his confession, I still felt comfortable around him. He's a good boss, I've noticed, especially during the two months I've worked under him.
Sorry, Mr. Trivor, but there's someone else who holds a special place in my heart, someone I can't have anymore. It's still you, Pryce Raze Coleman.
I dedicated myself to my work, striving for success. Finally, after much effort, I achieved it. Raze helped mold me into the best version of myself, not just for him, but also for others, to bring them satisfaction and happiness.