When I was 7 years old, I got Xin. My shadow was growing, and it started to talk to me, scaring me. I couldn't tell anybody because I was just a kid and had no one to turn to. They might think I was completely crazy, especially for someone like me who has a complicated family and messy parents, but it was just inside the doll house. The outside looked great, and nothing was messed up because of the smiles we put on our faces, including the flowers my mother planted in the house's garden to hide the ugly parts. Who could I turn to? if I was a perfect girl.
After acknowledging that it could take over my body and control me to do whatever it wanted. I was scared of it even more.
Eventually, I stopped running because I didn't have the target ahead. I looked back at it; it was still there, looking right through me, and it knew exactly what I was thinking. I began to talk back and consult with it. We had a real, genuine conversation. It soothed me when I faced something unpleasant. Since I had no one to rely on and lean on, and no one knew me like my shadow did. I embraced my shadow and became friends with it.
Our relationship grew and became more connected as if we had our own little world. He's honest, goofy sometimes, and pretty sure that the scary part is still on. He protects me from harm emotionally and physically from things and also people. He has a temper, and other human beings annoy him easily, but not with me. I love teasing him to get on his nerves, but he never did anything back to me.
And I named him XIN, easy, simple but a bit spooky.
The Station
"Why didn't you want me to go home by myself?"
I ask.
"You're a young, beautiful lady, an easy and obvious target… you might get in danger. Those men can not be trusted...and even those stronger women..."
He tells me, stops the car, and glances at me.
"You can attract both..."
He mumbles, but I can hear him.
"Hmm…but you want a young, beautiful lady to fight with a man…that's very hypocritical."
"Ah…Hahahaha…you're right."
He's a bit startled and laughs at what I say, not in an embarrassing way but in a fun and enjoyable way.
"I really want you to join my team, Roelle."
He continues.
"..."
"Thank you for a ride, Mr. Laith."
I tell him and get out of his car.
"I hope you change your mind…It will be a shame if I don't have you."
"..."
How can I let him fight for me like that, not just for me but for that guy, Laith, to earn money, using him to get the money? I really don't like that idea. Moreover, Xin is huge but not as huge as them. I realized that Xin stopped growing when I graduated college. And two years later, he's still the same size.
The Apartment
After I close the door behind me, I take out my shoes and throw my bag and jacket on the couch.
"Xin..."
I call him.
"..."
"Get out here now…we need to talk…"
I talk to him with sound this time and sit down on the couch.
And then my shadow on the floor spreads out to the air and forms into a tangible shape before me.
"You know about anything…that you see back there?"
"...Some."
He speaks out.
"Tell me everything…"
"..."
He stands still.
"Why don't you tell me about those kinds of... supernatural abilities."
I don't know how to describe it in words.
"I don't think it's necessary."
"*Sigh…"
I sigh the long breath out and get up to the closet.
"...Are you mad?"
He asks.
"I'm not..."
I take off my pants and drop to the floor.
"Just tell me…anything that you know."
I turn to see him. The black shape is big and tall, twice my size.
"...I know that I can do those kinds of things."
"What thing?"
Xin moves closer to me, expands his body, and spreads himself out all over the room. The black smoke resembles liquid snatching and hitting everything inside this room: the ceiling, the wall, the corner, and even floating around mid-air.
As if the freeze explosion.
"..."
I raise my hand to touch the smoke liquid, which spikes along the air like a lighting spark during the storm and hangs and melts beside my face.
It's touchable. Then I look back at Xin.
"It's like jelly…but softer..."
I describe it out loud.
"...I also..."
Before he's about to tell me, he pulls the separated tiny and big part back to him. Then he quickly moves and slides all over my body, from my left leg to the right leg up to my waist. The touchable body of Xin, like the form I hold him when he carries me, is touching against my skin. He slides himself around and slowly under my shirt up to my chest and around my neck. I can feel the intensity of the tightness that he gives me, and he turns himself to the smoke in front of my eyes.
And gives me the spark of lightning.
And then he sucks himself up into the regular form before me.
"..."
I am stunned and still staring at him.
Woah.
'What do you think?'
I think… I'm going to take a bath.
I walk myself into the bathroom, slowly go to the sink, wash my face, and look in the mirror.
And Xin, behind my back, glares at me without his eyes.
I turn myself to the bathtub and turn on the water. I take off my shirt and drop it in the basket, along with my underwear. And get myself into the bathtub.
'Are you scared of me now?'
No.
'Then why…'
I'm just shocked...and amazed.
"...So you like it?...or hate it?"
He turns into a tangible form.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"I don't want you to be afraid of me. Back then, you ran from me when you were a kid and cried."
"That was just... the first time I saw you…"
"I was about to do this kind of thing again when that Laith guy approached you that night…but you didn't let me."
"I see..."
I move my naked body closer to him. That is about to turn into smoke again.
"Don't...I don't mind…I touched you before. I don't hate it at all."
"..."
"If I hate it, why do I ask you to carry me all the time.."
I tell him and smile a little.
"I thought that you're just lazy."
"...Heh. Yes, that's too, but… I like being on your back."
"I get it now."
Then Xin puts himself into the bathtub, facing me.
I show my palm to him.
"Can you...give me your jelly?"
"Jelly?..."
Then he separates his black, floating smoke liquid through my fingers, and it rises through my skin and hand's bones and floats in my palm.
"Wow..."
I admire the black plushy in my hand.
And it has lightning sparks around it.
"..."
"Would you want to try?"
He asks.
"I don't know… it's too…"
"You might get hurt… Have you seen them fight…compared to them, you're just like a delicate kitten for them to step on you."
"Yah!"
And then I squeeze the plushy jelly, and it explodes to smoke.
"Ah...Xin are you hurt!?"
I hurriedly hold his face. I look at him without matching his eyes because I don't see them.
"No...I don't feel anything."
"...To be honest, I don't want you to get hurt as well."
I tell him.
"I don't."
He answers me.
Yes, he has no nerves, veins, or bones inside him. But still, I don't want him to face something like that.
"Have you fought before? Like the strong form like this? And they aren't just normal ones, Xin. They can do supernatural thingy... If you are attacked and…gone…I...No, I won't do it."
I am pretty scared and shivering a little, so I get closer to him.
"But you need the money…even if we don't win, we still have 5 hundred K…I don't want you to get hurt too, Roelle. But if you decide to do this, I'm all in with you, and I will protect you like I always do… I will not let anybody touch you…you can trust me."
"*Sigh… you seem like you want to do it…"
"I mean…I think you found your people, Roelle…remember what I said?...I think it's them…"
"Do you trust them?"
I ask.
"No… but I am with you, and this time, if you let me, I'll show you what I can do."
"Damn it..."
I curse out and lean my body forward to Xin's body, and I put my face on him along with my body.
"I think you can do it… You're skilled and pretty amazing when it comes to fighting. You're fast, very fast."
"But I've never fought with a real human being before."
"There's always a first time for everything…If you say no, then no. If yes, then yes."
"...Just let me…think a bit…Will I be able to sleep tonight?"
"Your body is getting red now…you should go to bed."
"Ummm."
"Ah!"
Then Xin grabs both of my arms over his back without telling me.
You're carrying me. Hehe.
'You said you like it.'
"Hehehe"
And I chuckle with joy.
The Underground
"Team leader, you take her home?"
The black-shoulder length hair guy greets his boss.
"She wouldn't let me, just the station."
"..."
"*Sigh…"
The team leader sits on the couch and leans back. He removes his glasses, rubs his eyes with his fingers, and puts them back on.
"What exactly is that, team leader... I saw the massive shadow from down there covering the whole room."
The black hair person talks to his boss.
"..."
"It's hers?"
He asks.
"You saw it when you got here...I want her to join us, Raden."
The team leader.
"..."
The black-haired person, Raden, glances at the white-pinkish-haired person, who puts his phone away, stretches his big arms, and joins them in the conversation by sitting beside Raden.
"She's just a girl."
The white-haired person speaks up after a long, quiet day, surprising the other two a little bit.
"So, you've been listening."
The team leader tells the guy.
"She's not just a girl...she has it... and it's pretty cool."
The team leader explains.
"You're going to get her killed."
"...She won't, I saw her... she's pretty good at it too... you'll see if she decides to join us."
"..."
"And why do you care so much, Emris?"
The team leader asks the white hair person back.
"..."
"It's true... she's very delicate... but the delicate things can cut people off that easy too..."
The team leader explains with a smile full of joy.
"I want her...she's very special."
The team leader speaks out.