The morning sun cast a soft glow through the kitchen window, illuminating the table where Isaac and I sat. The comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee and toast filled the air. We were having a simple breakfast: toast with kaya spread, two half-boiled eggs each, a cup of coffee for me, and tea for Isaac.
The kitchen hummed with the quiet sounds of the morning—the distant hum of traffic, birds chirping outside, and the soft clinking of our cutlery.
As I took a sip of my coffee, savoring its warmth, I turned to Isaac. "Isaac, there's something I need to talk to you about. Yesterday, Clara and I decided on a change of plans."
Isaac looked up from his tea, curiosity evident in his eyes. "What's up, Dad?"
"We've decided to visit Clara's apartment for lunch today," I began, feeling the weight of the decision. "Hannah will be there, and Clara and I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk to her about our relationship."
Isaac nodded, taking in the information. I could see the wheels turning in his head as he processed the significance of this meeting.
"This meeting was supposed to happen during our trip to Langkawi," I continued, "but I felt it would put Hannah in a difficult situation. A trip away from home might feel too much like we're cornering her into accepting our relationship. Instead, we decided to keep it casual, have lunch together, and talk things out in a more familiar and comfortable setting."
Isaac took a bite of his toast, considering my words carefully. "That makes sense, Dad. It's important that Hannah feels comfortable and not pressured."
I nodded, grateful for his understanding. "Exactly. We want to ease into the conversation, let her get to know us better without feeling overwhelmed."
Isaac's support meant everything to me. He had always been my rock, and his calm demeanor helped anchor me. "What do you think, Isaac? Do you have any suggestions on how we should approach this?"
Isaac smiled reassuringly. "Just be honest, Dad. Let Hannah see the genuine connection between you and Clara. She's an intelligent young woman; she'll understand if she sees how happy you both make each other."
His words brought a sense of reassurance. I reached over and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Isaac. Your support means a lot to me."
Isaac hesitated for a moment, his brow furrowing slightly. "But, Dad, what if things don't go as planned? What if Hannah doesn't react well? Have you thought about what you'll do then?"
The question hung in the air, heavy with concern. I sighed, knowing that Isaac's worries were valid.
"I have thought about it, Isaac. It's a possibility we have to face. But I trust Clara, and I trust that Hannah will see our sincerity. If things don't go as we hope, we'll take it one step at a time and figure it out together."
Isaac nodded, though the worry didn't completely leave his eyes. "Alright, Dad. Just know that I'm here for you, no matter what happens."
We finished our breakfast in comfortable silence, each of us lost in our thoughts about the upcoming meeting. As we cleared the table, the sense of anticipation grew. This meeting was crucial, and I knew that the outcome would shape the future for Clara and me.
The walk to Clara's apartment felt longer than usual, the weight of our decision making each minute feel like an eternity. When we arrived, Clara greeted us warmly at the door. Her presence instantly calmed my nerves. "Come in, both of you," she said, her smile bright and reassuring.
We stepped inside, the cozy atmosphere of Clara's apartment welcoming us. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and homemade food filled the air, creating an inviting ambiance. Hannah was already there, seated on the couch with a polite but slightly apprehensive expression.
"Hannah, this is Em Jay and his son, Isaac," Clara introduced us, her tone casual and friendly. "I thought it would be nice for us to have a relaxed chat, get to know each other a bit better."
As we settled into the living room, the weight of the upcoming conversation hung in the air. This was the moment we had been preparing for, the first step in bridging the gap between our lives and Hannah's understanding.
Clara brought out a spread of delicious homemade dishes for lunch. The aroma of freshly cooked rice, steamed vegetables, and fragrant curries filled the air, creating an inviting and warm atmosphere. Clara had clearly put a lot of effort into preparing this meal, and I couldn't help but feel a surge of gratitude for her dedication.
Hannah sat across from me, her demeanor polite and composed. As we started eating, I couldn't help but notice how gracefully she carried herself. She was a very polite young lady, full of manners.
Every movement was measured, every word carefully chosen. It was clear that she was a person who thought deeply before speaking, a trait that stood in stark contrast to my own daughter, Melly.
Melly, while kind-hearted and loving, had always been more outspoken and direct. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, never hesitating to voice her thoughts and feelings.
Hannah, on the other hand, was more reserved, a soft-spoken girl who exuded a quiet strength. It was a different kind of strength, one that came from inner peace and a deep understanding of herself and those around her.
"Hannah, these dishes are wonderful. Clara, you've outdone yourself," I said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over us.
"Thank you, Em Jay," Clara replied with a warm smile. "I'm glad you're enjoying it."
Hannah looked up, her eyes meeting mine with a shy but genuine smile. "Mom has always been an amazing cook. She loves to make meals that bring people together."
I nodded, appreciating the sentiment. It's a special gift, creating something that brings people closer. Meals like this remind me of the importance of family and togetherness.
As we continued eating, the conversation flowed more naturally. Isaac shared a few anecdotes from his work, which brought smiles and laughter to the table. Hannah listened attentively, her eyes lighting up with interest.
She responded with thoughtful questions and comments, her soft voice adding a gentle rhythm to our discussion.
Throughout the meal, I observed the dynamic between Clara and Hannah. There was a deep bond there, built on mutual respect and love. It was clear that Hannah held her mother in high regard, valuing her opinions and cherishing their relationship.
My thoughts drifted back to that evening I had tailed Clara and her family at the beachfront. From a distance, I had witnessed how vital Clara was to her family, her presence binding them together with laughter and love.
Now, sitting here, observing their interaction up close, my judgment hadn't been wrong. Clara was indeed the heart of her family, the glue that held them together.
This realization made me agitated, the same dilemma resurfacing. I loved Clara deeply, but I couldn't ignore the importance of her role in her family. The thought of disrupting that balance filled me with unease.
How could I ask her to divide her time and attention when her family needed her so much? Am I being too selfish? An old man with health problems, responsible for denying a family their happiness?
As we continued our meal, I felt a pang of guilt. Clara's happiness was my priority, but so was the happiness of her family. My mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, each thought pulling me in a different direction.
The fear of being the cause of any rift within Clara's family weighed heavily on me, casting a shadow over the otherwise pleasant lunch.
But for now, I allowed myself to simply enjoy the meal and the company of these wonderful people. Clara's laughter, Isaac's stories, and Hannah's quiet presence created a sense of harmony that I cherished deeply.
It was in these simple moments that I found the strength to face the uncertainties ahead.
After lunch, we all moved to the hall. Clara purposefully sat close to me, Isaac on the other end in front of Hannah. The atmosphere was a mix of anticipation and tension, each of us aware of the significance of this conversation.
Clara began by introducing Isaac and me as neighbors and continued to share stories and anecdotes about our neighborhood and mutual friends. The atmosphere gradually lightened, and soon enough, we were all sharing laughs and stories.
"I've heard a lot about you from Mom," Hannah said, looking at me. "She seems very happy when she talks about you."
I smiled, feeling a sense of relief. "Your mother makes me very happy too, Hannah. She's brought so much joy into my life."
Clara took a deep breath, then looked at Hannah. "Hannah, I wanted you to know that Em Jay and I are more than just neighbors. We're in a relationship, and we've grown very close. In fact, we're planning to get married."
Hannah nodded slowly, absorbing the information. Isaac and I remained silent, sensing the gravity of the moment. Hannah then turned to me, her voice soft and polite. "Em Jay, may I ask how you feel about my mother?"
I cleared my throat, gathering my thoughts.
"Hannah, your mother means the world to me. She has brought joy and light back into my life when I thought those days were behind me. I love her deeply and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life making her happy."
Hannah nodded again, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Thank you for sharing that, Em Jay. I want to apologize to both of you. As a daughter, it's not my place to interfere in my mother's personal relationships. After all, she is a single lady, and I understand she deserves to be happy."
Clara squeezed my hand, her eyes brimming with emotion. Hannah continued, her voice steady but filled with emotion.
"But, if I may, I'd like to share my perspective. Growing up, my siblings and I spent most of our time with our father. We had to learn to manage on our own, and we often envied our peers who had their mothers to talk to and share stories with. We longed for a normal family life, one where we didn't feel so different or alone."
Hannah's eyes glistened with unshed tears.
"Yes, our father isn't perfect. He's hot-tempered and has been hard on us, but he's growing old too. I've seen changes in him. He's trying to be better, trying to reconnect with us. We want to have that sense of family, that normalcy we've always craved. I acknowledge he's made mistakes, but he's a changed man now."
Her words hung in the air, a poignant reminder of the complexities and struggles they had faced as a family. I listened intently, my heart aching for the pain and longing in Hannah's voice.
Clara's grip on my hand tightened, her own resolve clear yet softened by the understanding of her daughter's plea.
Hannah took a deep breath before continuing.
"If I were to oppose my mother's relationship with you, Em Jay, it would feel like I'm refraining her from the happiness she deserves so much. After years of being single and surviving on her own, I really want to see her happy." She paused. Her breath seems heavy.
And she continued "But it's the same thing for my father. He too deserves to be happy. I know he is still deeply in love with my mother." She couldn't hold her tears.
"Over the years, he has shared with us countless times how he met Mom, how he regrets the things he did. He's even sought therapy, trying to make amends with himself and with us." Sobbing, she put her face down.
Inside, I struggled to keep calm and composed. Hannah's every word pierced not only my emotions but also my fatherly ego.
I wondered how, at my age, such possibilities had escaped my thoughts and considerations. I really wanted to end the discussion and lie down. I needed to be alone to process everything.
Isaac shifted slightly, leaning forward, clearly affected by Hannah's heartfelt confession.
"I'm not saying this to guilt anyone," Hannah said, her voice softening.
"But to make you understand the full picture, we've seen our father try to become a better person," Hannah said, her voice trembling. She paused, taking a deep breath as tears welled up in her eyes.
"It's not easy for us to see our family split like this." A sob escaped her lips, and she quickly wiped her eyes, trying to regain her composure. "We want to see our mother happy, but we also want our father to find some peace and happiness too."
Hannah's shoulders shook as she struggled to continue, her voice breaking. "It's complicated, and I know it's not fair to ask anyone to sacrifice their happiness for another's," she said, her sobs growing louder. She took another deep breath, her face a mix of anguish and determination. "But that's the dilemma we're in."
Clara's eyes welled up with tears, and she reached out to hold Hannah's hand. "Hannah, I never wanted to hurt you or your siblings. I just… I found someone who makes me happy, who makes me feel alive again. But I understand what you're saying. It's not easy for any of us."
Feeling the weight of the situation, I spoke up, struggling to keep my voice steady.
"Hannah, I appreciate your honesty and your understanding. I love your mother very much, and I want to be a part of her happiness. But I also respect your family's journey and the changes your father has made. This isn't a decision any of us should take lightly."
The room was thick with emotion, each person grappling with their thoughts and feelings. Hannah's perspective brought a new depth to the conversation, highlighting the delicate balance between individual happiness and familial responsibilities.
"Let's take this one step at a time," I suggested, echoing the mantra that had guided Clara and me through our journey. "We don't have to rush into anything. Let's see how things unfold, together."
Hannah nodded, her expression a mix of relief and resignation. "Thank you, Em Jay. That's all I ask. Let's find a way that allows everyone to move forward, without losing sight of what truly matters."
The conversation ended on a hopeful note, but the uncertainty still lingered. Clara and I knew that the path ahead would be fraught with challenges, but with understanding and patience, we hoped to navigate through it together.
The silent agreement to move forward one step at a time provided a fragile sense of unity, a tentative peace that promised the possibility of a brighter future.
As we walked home, the early evening sun was already setting, casting a warm, golden hue across the horizon. The sky was painted with shades of orange and pink, and the long shadows stretched out across the landscape, creating a serene and tranquil atmosphere.
The cool breeze carried the scent of the sea, mingling with the earthy aroma of the approaching night. It was a moment of calm that contrasted sharply with the turmoil inside me.
The moment we reached home, I stopped at my writing desk. I took out the night tablets and moved to the kitchen. With a glass of water, the few tablets were on their way to deliver their efficacy. I glanced at Isaac, who was standing like a police officer on duty in front of his room.
Then, I went straight to my room. I could sense Isaac's worry, but the turmoil inside me was really hard to bear. I stumbled onto the bed, leaving the door ajar for Chomel and for Isaac too.
My head was spinning. The weight of the conversation with Hannah bore down on me, and I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and confusion.
I loved Clara deeply, but I couldn't ignore the impact our relationship might have on her family. I buried my face in my hands, trying to calm the storm of thoughts racing through my mind.
A soft meow broke through my haze, and I looked up to see Chomel padding into the room. She leaped onto the bed, curling up next to me, her purring a soothing balm to my frazzled nerves. I stroked her fur absentmindedly, finding some comfort in her presence.
Isaac appeared at the door, hesitating before stepping inside. "Dad," he said gently, "do you want to talk about it?"
I sighed, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. "Not at the moment, son. I just took the night tablets. We'll talk tomorrow morning. Good night, son."
"All right, Dad… Good night too."
As he left the room, I lay back down, Chomel snuggling closer. Every word Hannah had said still echoed in my head—their family's happiness at the beachfront, Clara's laughter among them, all amplifying the already heavy breathing in me.
I closed my eyes, focusing on Chomel and rubbing her fur. Whispering, "How could things turn this ugly? An elderly man caught in a triangle of love and hope? Not only between adults but involving innocent children too."
I massaged my chest, trying to ease the heavy breathing, coughing a few times and gasping for more air. The tablet's effect brought in the heavy drowsiness, which I welcomed with open arms. A savior for that arduous night.
When I woke up the next morning, the mid-morning sun streamed through the window, casting a warm, golden light that seemed to dance on the walls. The heaviness in my head was still there.
Feeling tired, I quickly washed myself, splashing water on my face and letting the coolness wake me up. I brushed my teeth, trying to shake off the lingering drowsiness, and then walked into the hall.
I saw Isaac already at the balcony, gracefully performing his Tai Chi moves, the sounds from YouTube mixing with the gentle crashing of waves. On the dining table, there was a plate of Nasi Lemak with a fried drumstick, presumably mine. Then I heard Isaac yell, "That's yours, Dad." I nodded and walked to the kitchen to prepare my usual cup of coffee.
On the way to the balcony, I picked up the morning tablets from the writing desk.
"Aren't you working today?" I asked Isaac once seated on the rocking chair.
"Come on, Dad... you're not in your 90s yet to forget today is Sunday," Isaac chuckled.
"Is it so? I was just confirming," I replied.
"Yeah, Dad... yesterday we went to Aunt Clara's unit for lunch. How could I be there if it wasn't Saturday?" Isaac explained with a grin on his face.
Something struck me. Am I starting to forget things? Am I suffering from dementia? Am I going to be senile?
The thoughts swirled in my mind, adding to the heaviness in my head. I looked at Isaac, his youthful energy contrasting sharply with my own concerns. For a moment, I felt a pang of fear.
But then, I reminded myself that everyone has moments of forgetfulness. I took a deep breath, trying to push away the anxiety.
"Isaac, can you get me a glass of warm water? Need it for the tablets."
Isaac looked at me with a mix of amusement and concern. "Don't be joking, Dad... it's right there beside your coffee. Isn't that your warm water?"
I startled. Why didn't I see it before? The glass was right there, clear as day.
"Are you okay, Dad?" Isaac asked, his brow furrowing.
"Yeah... I'm fine," I replied, trying to sound casual. "Could be the tablet effect blurring my mind... or maybe I'm still sleepy." I brushed off his worry with a weak smile.
Isaac didn't look entirely convinced, but he nodded and went back to his Tai Chi. I picked up the glass of warm water, feeling a bit foolish. The fear of forgetting was still there, lingering at the edges of my mind, but I tried to push it aside. I had to focus on the present.
I swallowed the morning tablets and sipped my coffee, letting the warmth spread through me. Isaac's movements on the balcony were fluid and serene, a stark contrast to the turmoil in my mind. I watched him for a while, letting his calm energy soothe my frayed nerves.
I leaned back, letting the morning breakfast and the tablet do their work. Then I remembered I hadn't seen Chomel or heard her meows. Usually, she was the first one to greet me each morning.
"Chomellll.... Chomelll," I called for her.
"Aunt Clara came just now asking about you the moment I came back with breakfast. She then took Chomel away and will return her soon," Isaac explained without looking at me.
"Oh, okay," I responded, leaning back again, letting Isaac's YouTube Tai Chi instruction and melody mix with the waves and sea breezes envelop me.
I really needed this tranquility to sort things out. The rhythmic sound of the waves and the gentle breeze helped calm my mind.
I knew I needed an ideal solution, controlling my breath in a steady flow, finding a way not to let emotions override my rationality.
I started to think through all the options. One was to back off from the entanglement, make way for them to pursue their happiness. Two was to stand firmly beside Clara, pursue our happiness.
Third... there was no third option. Oh yeah... just let the whole thing flow, let the divine will take care of it, as Kak Gayah advised.
But for how long?
How long could I rely on fate and divine intervention to untangle this mess? The weight of the decision felt immense. My heart ached at the thought of leaving Clara, but the fear of causing pain to her family was just as heavy.
As I sat here, the morning sun warming my face, I tried to push away the swirling thoughts and focus on the present. Chomel would be back soon, and Clara's visit was a reminder of the love and connection we shared. But love alone might not be enough to navigate this complex situation.
I needed to strike a balance, finding a way to minimize the harm while seeking the best outcome for everyone involved—myself, Clara, and her family. The future was uncertain, and the choices ahead felt overwhelming, but I had to navigate them step by step.
I heard a knock on the door instead of the doorbell. I turned my head, glancing over. Isaac was already on his way to answer it. A moment later, Chomel's meows grew louder and louder as she approached, followed by Clara.
"Em Jay, dear... are you okay? I was worried about you," Clara asked, her voice filled with concern.
I put on a smile, as sincere as possible to hide the whirlwind inside me. "I'm perfectly okay, dear... just feeling a bit tired. It's the weather."
"Make sure you tell me if anything happens, promise?"
"Yeah... it's a promise," I replied, hoping my words reassured her.
"Actually, I can't stay long... I need to accompany Hannah to the island. She has an appointment to attend."
"I see... give her my love, and do take care," I said, trying to sound as supportive as possible.
"I will. I'll be back soon and we can have our usual chit-chat, dear," Clara said, giving me a quick kiss before leaving.
A moment later, Isaac came out of his room, joining me on the balcony. He looked at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern, clearly sensing the tension I was trying to hide.
"Everything okay, Dad?" he asked, sitting down next to me.
"Yeah, everything's fine," I replied, though the uncertainty still lingered in my mind.
I was settling back into the comfort of the rocking chair, trying to let the peacefulness of the morning wash over me, when my mobile started buzzing on the writing desk.
"Isaac, can you check that for me?" I asked, not wanting to break the calm I was clinging to.
Isaac picked up the phone, his eyes narrowing slightly as he read the message. "Dad, it's a WhatsApp message from an unknown number."
"Read it out, please," I said, curiosity piqued.
"Good day, Mr. Em Jay. Pardon me for disturbing you. Let me introduce myself. I am Kemal, Clara's ex-husband. I am in Penang for a few days and hope we can schedule a meeting. A man-to-man talk. Trust that you would not tell Clara."
Hearing the message, a mix of emotions surged through me. The peaceful morning suddenly felt charged with a new tension. A meeting with Clara's ex-husband was the last thing I expected, and the secrecy he requested added an unsettling layer to the situation.