It's been two days since I received Kemal's message. I've been weighing it from all possible angles. The day Isaac read the message, he came to sit next to me. He was silent, shoulders down, gazing at the floor with an intense look. I couldn't see his face, but I sensed he was in a dilemma, too, just like me.
This is a very difficult situation. Leaning back in the rocking chair, I noticed how the morning had shifted to early midday. The heat began to make me sweat, which dried out with the sea breeze. The usual calmness and tranquility brought by the rhythm of the waves seemed to be missing.
Since that day too, last Sunday until now, I had been avoiding Clara. I turned off my mobile and kept it off. I told Isaac to inform her that if she asked, I was away for a few days. I wanted to be alone. I was going up north and promised I would take care of myself and text her soon.
Isaac wanted to talk about it, offering his thoughts. But he is my son. I should not let him sink deeper into this situation. I told him I would handle it as an adult must. After all, I am already 66 now.
Now, in search of the ideal solution, I came to the Penang Botanic Gardens. Arriving here in the late afternoon, the sunlight filtered through the dense canopy of trees, casting dappled shadows on the winding paths. The air was filled with the earthy scent of damp soil and the faint fragrance of blooming flowers. The sounds of chirping birds and rustling leaves created a serene symphony, broken only by the occasional splash of water from a nearby stream.
Years ago, this was the place where Sara and I used to date before we got married. A very nostalgic landscape that had escaped the robust modern development. I was hoping the magical aura here could guide my soul to find the gem that could heal this tormented pain.
Things have been happening too fast. Meeting Clara for the first time in January, holding onto my solitary life for a few months, and then taking a brave move by letting her into my heart. It felt like strolling on the beach—no steep climbs, no ditches to jump, no obstacles to clear. The path was smooth, and the melody of the sea waves was so soothing.
Then, in a matter of two months, everything changed. It began with me being warded, fighting to get well for her. Just as I started catching my breath, her family pushed her hard to reunite with her ex-husband. Clara kept urging me to trust her, and I thought it would mellow down. But then Hannah's pleas presented undeniable facts. And now, not even letting me get a hold on my two feet, Kemal is waiting to meet.
At this age, could I cheat myself by believing that he is here to congratulate me and Clara? Shaking our hands gentlemanly, with a sincere and honest gesture, saying, "Em Jay, I pray that both of you shall live a life full of happiness."
The reality of the situation weighed heavily on me. The serenity I once found in the waves seemed distant now. Isaac remained by my side, a silent pillar of support, yet the gravity of the decision loomed over us both. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my thoughts, knowing that sooner or later, I would have to face Kemal and whatever truth he brought with him.
As I sat on the bench near the pond, the Kois glided through the water, their vibrant colors painting the surface with every graceful turn. They weaved in and out of the lily pads, creating ripples that spread gently across the pond, each wave a soft echo of the turmoil within me. The tranquility of their movements contrasted sharply with the restless flutter of my thoughts.
I glanced around, taking in the familiar surroundings. The bench, weathered by time, held so many memories. This was the very spot where, years ago, I had nervously fumbled with a small velvet box in my pocket, my heart pounding louder than the gentle splashes of the Kois.
On that day, Sara had sat beside me, her eyes sparkling with curiosity and affection. I remembered how I had taken a deep breath, the weight of the moment pressing down on me, and then dropped to one knee. The world had seemed to hold its breath as I opened the box to reveal the ring, its diamond catching the sunlight and scattering a thousand tiny rainbows.
"Sara," I had begun, my voice shaking slightly, "will you marry me?"
Her eyes had widened in surprise, and for a moment, she was silent. Then, a radiant smile spread across her face, and she nodded, tears of joy welling up. She held out her hand, and I slipped the ring onto her finger, my hands trembling with a mix of excitement and relief.
Just as Sara admired the ring, a figure had approached us. Her brother, who I hadn't noticed nearby, walked towards us with a broad grin on his face. His presence startled me at first, but his genuine smile and the warmth in his eyes reassured me. He clapped me on the back, congratulating us both, his happiness evident.
Now, as I sat on the same bench, I longed for that same unwavering resolve. I needed it to face this new challenge, this meeting with Kemal. The Kois continued their dance in the water, their colors a reminder of the beauty and complexity of life.
Taking a deep breath, I let the magical surroundings envelop me. The scent of damp earth and blooming flowers filled my lungs, and the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze played a soothing melody. I exhaled slowly, hoping for a moment of clarity, a sudden click of understanding that would guide my next steps. Instead, all I felt was a hollow echo of uncertainty.
I glanced at the Kois, their vibrant movements a stark contrast to the stillness within me. Should I meet Kemal or not? The question gnawed at me, each side of the argument pulling me in a different direction.
The ego in me flared up, urging me to confront him, to stand my ground and fight for the love I had found with Clara. It painted a picture of a decisive battle, where I could prove my worth and protect what was precious to me. My fists clenched involuntarily at the thought, my pulse quickening with a mix of determination and defiance.
But then, the rational side whispered softly, urging caution. It reminded me of the complexities at play, the delicate balance of emotions and relationships that hung in the balance. It urged me to consider the broader picture, to weigh the consequences of my actions carefully. It spoke of righteousness, of finding a path that upheld integrity and compassion, even if it meant making sacrifices.
I stared at the ripples in the pond, each one a metaphor for the impact of our choices. The Kois swam on, oblivious to my inner turmoil, their world simple and clear. I envied their certainty, their freedom from the tangled web of human emotions and decisions.
I closed my eyes, the bench beneath me grounding me to the moment. I could almost hear Sara's voice, a memory from years past, offering comfort and wisdom. She had always known how to balance passion with reason, how to navigate the storms of life with grace.
Opening my eyes, I realized that the decision would not come easily. The sun was beginning to set, casting a golden hue over the garden, and the Kois' colors seemed to glow even brighter in the fading light. I took another deep breath, feeling the weight of the decision ahead.
Meeting Kemal could mean confrontation, but it could also bring understanding. Avoiding him might preserve the peace temporarily, but could lead to unresolved tension. The path was not clear, and the click of clarity I sought remained elusive.
Yet, in this serene setting, amidst the memories of love and commitment, I found a sliver of strength. Whatever choice I made, it would be guided by the values Sara and I had cherished—honesty, courage, and love. And perhaps, in time, the hollow feeling would be filled with the certainty I longed for.
I stood up, gathering all my old bones and mustering the courage to sort things out as a wise man. I walked to the entrance of the garden. Earlier today, I had promised Isaac to wait for him there to have dinner with him.
There is a restaurant at Gurney Plaza where his mom and I used to frequent. It holds so many memories of laughter, shared meals, and intimate conversations. The thought of returning there with Isaac brought a bittersweet mixture of nostalgia and melancholy.
As I made my way through the garden, the setting sun cast long shadows, the golden light filtering through the trees. The Kois in the pond continued their dance, oblivious to the human dramas unfolding around them. I took in the tranquil scenery one last time, hoping to carry some of its peace with me.
The walk to the entrance was both physically and emotionally taxing. Every step felt heavy with the weight of the decisions I had to make. Yet, there was a sense of resolve building within me. I knew that facing Kemal, confronting my fears, and seeking a path of righteousness was the only way forward.
Reaching the entrance, I saw Isaac waiting for me, his face lighting up with a reassuring smile. Despite the worries that clouded his eyes, his presence was a comfort.
"Ready, Dad?" he asked, his voice gentle but steady.
"Yes, son. Let's go," I replied, feeling a surge of determination.
We popped into Isaac's car. The drive to Gurney Plaza was about 5 km away. As we drove, the familiar sights of Penang passed by, each one stirring a memory from my past. The past and present intertwined in my mind, guiding me towards whatever lay ahead.
Isaac turned on the radio, a soft melody playing in the background, filling the silence between us. The evening sky was painted with hues of orange and pink, the city lights beginning to flicker on as we made our way through the bustling streets.
Together, we headed towards Gurney Plaza, the memories of Sara and the uncertainties of the present mingling in my thoughts. It was time to face whatever awaited us.
Isaac broke the silence, his voice soft but firm. "Dad, Clara has been messaging and calling me. She's been pushing me to disclose your whereabouts. She sounds really worried."
I nodded, my thoughts momentarily shifting to Clara. "Don't worry... I will inform her soon."
Isaac nodded, his eyes glued to the road. "Whatever it is, Dad, the most important thing is your health. You must not neglect your medicine," he reminded me, deep concern evident in his voice.
"Well... that's the first thing on my priority list. For years, I've managed to stay away from the hospital. But... the fate of life, no one can dictate," I replied to Isaac, my tone monotonous. Maybe he didn't know how to respond. He nodded in silence.
While having our dinner at the restaurant, I shared with Isaac the story of his mom. The ambiance of the place brought back a flood of memories.
"Your mom used to love coming here," I began, looking around at the familiar decor. "She had a favorite dish – the seafood laksa. We shared so many special moments here. The staff even knew our names. It was our little haven."
Isaac listened intently, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Why did you stop coming?" he asked, curiosity in his eyes.
"We stopped coming after Daniel was born," I explained, my voice tinged with a bit of sadness. "Maybe the place no longer served her appetite, or perhaps life just got too busy. Your mom's tastes changed, and so did our routines. It feels good to be back here, though, sharing these memories with you."
Isaac nodded and continued enjoying his meal. I didn't know what was going through his mind about me sharing the past. To me, I just wanted to let him know and hoped he would share it later with Daniel, Melly, and my grandchildren, that I had never hated Sara.
Fate... yes, it's fate that technically separated us. But that same fate too, kept the tender loving care engraved in my heart.
Visiting places that shaped and molded me was a kind of soul therapy. It brought back memories of the vigilant young man I once was. While old age has definitely waned most of my abilities, the seed is still there. The vibrant energy, although dimmed, yet with a little spark, could reignite that strength. It would be enough for me to walk across this turbulent moment.
After having our dinner, I told Isaac to drop me off at a nearby hotel. "I'll stay in the hotel tonight," I said. "I plan to schedule a meeting with Kemal around here. It could be over breakfast or later, but I will meet up with him." I explained everything in detail, ensuring Isaac understood my plan.
Isaac looked at me with concern but nodded. "Alright, Dad. Just promise me you'll call if you need anything."
"I will," I assured him. "I'll handle this, Isaac. It's something I need to do."
As we reached the hotel, Isaac helped me with my bag. "Take care, Dad," he said, giving me a firm handshake.
"I will. Don't worry," I replied, watching as he drove away. Taking a deep breath, I entered the hotel, ready to face whatever awaited me in the morning.
After settling down in the hotel room, I turned on my mobile phone. It buzzed to life, showing plenty of missed call notifications and messages. I scrolled through them to find out the callers and senders. All were from Clara. I decided not to read them for now.
Instead, I searched for Kemal's earlier message. Finding it, I typed out a response:
"Mr. Kemal, good day to you. Let us meet up tomorrow morning between 9 to 10 at the cafe inside this hotel. I will be wearing a dark blue collared T-shirt and a brown beret hat."
I sent the message and attached the hotel's location. Then, I turned off my mobile again, not wanting to be disturbed.
With that done, I put the phone down, feeling a mix of anxiety and determination. The room was quiet, offering a temporary refuge from the whirlwind of emotions and decisions. I hoped that meeting Kemal would bring some clarity and perhaps, a resolution.
As I lay on the bed, the memories of the past days and the uncertainty of tomorrow weighed heavily on my mind. Yet, amidst the turmoil, there was a flicker of hope that the morning would bring answers and a way forward.
The wake-up call from the hotel system stirred me from sleep. Knowing that I had two hours before the showdown, I lay in bed for a few more minutes, gathering my thoughts before finally getting up to prepare. I pocketed my morning tablets and headed to the hotel breakfast buffet area.
The breakfast area was bright and spacious, with large windows letting in the soft morning light. The walls were adorned with tasteful artwork, and the tables were neatly arranged with fresh flowers as centerpieces. A gentle hum of conversation filled the air, blending with the clinking of cutlery and the occasional hiss of the coffee machine.
Since it was a weekday morning, most of the guests were in office attire. Men in suits and women in business casual outfits moved with purpose, preparing for their day. I walked to the coffee station, where the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. I prepared a cup of black coffee and moved to the far corner of the cafe, seeking a quieter spot. The corner was more secluded, offering a peaceful refuge from the bustling breakfast crowd.
Leaving my coffee on the table, I went to assemble my breakfast. I selected a few slices of toast, spreading butter and strawberry jam on them. I added two half-boiled eggs and a glass of water to my tray before returning to my seat. As I settled in, the quiet corner allowed me to focus on the upcoming meeting with Kemal, the hum of the cafe providing a comforting background.
To avoid feeling too drowsy, I only took half of the prescribed morning tablets. I knew it wouldn't risk my health too much. But I needed the ability to stay alert, remain calm, and control my emotions.
This meeting with Kemal brought back memories of the past, during my career as an IT Consultant. Before each vital meeting with a client, I used to lay out the facts, identify the clear objectives to achieve, and strategize my points. I deployed them systematically, directing the audience to arrive at my desired target.
Now, after retirement, this is the first time I came to a meeting with a similar sense of urgency. And it could be the last. The stark contrast was, it's not about an IT system to develop and deliver. Instead, it is about my personal life. It is about how I am going to live the remaining seconds, not months or even days, either happy, sad, regretful, motivated, or dull.
So... what was my definite objective? To have Clara on my side as the trophy? Or, to let her return to the family and be content that I had done the right thing? Or, to leave it to them to decide and accept it as fate?
Well... up until now, just minutes before that meeting, I am still unsure which one.
Maybe, letting it flow would be the best strategy. First, I needed to listen to Kemal's perspective. Understanding his intentions would be crucial. Second, I had to clearly communicate my feelings for Clara and our mutual desire to be together. Lastly, I needed to find common ground, a solution that respected everyone's feelings and wishes, especially Clara's.
I sipped my coffee, the warmth providing a slight comfort as I focused on the upcoming meeting. The breakfast area continued to bustle with activity, but in my quiet corner, I felt somewhat prepared for the challenges ahead.
From where I sat, I occasionally glanced toward the front area of the cafe, scanning for Kemal. Identifying him first would give me a sense of advantage. From my seating view, it would be hard for him to find me unless he turned himself around. I had chosen a seat adjacent to the cafe entrance, strategically positioned behind a separating wall.
Out of my expectation, my glance caught sight of Hannah walking in with a man near my age. My heart skipped a beat as it could be Kemal beside her. Their presence together was unexpected, adding another layer of complexity to the meeting.
Hannah looked around, her eyes scanning the cafe. She seemed to be guiding Kemal, who appeared slightly hesitant. As they moved further into the cafe, I stayed seated, observing them quietly from my hidden vantage point.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. The appearance of Hannah added a new dynamic to the situation. She had been the one to voice the family's insistence on reuniting, and now she was here, possibly to support her father or perhaps to ensure the conversation remained civil.
I watched as they reached the center of the cafe, still unaware of my presence. With a slight nod to myself, I stood up and made my way toward them, deciding it was better to initiate the meeting than to remain hidden.
"Good morning, Hannah. Mr. Kemal," I greeted them, my voice calm and steady despite the storm of emotions inside me.
Hannah's eyes widened in surprise before she smiled warmly. "Good morning, Em Jay. Thank you for agreeing to meet."
Kemal extended his hand, a gesture of formal greeting. "Good morning, Em Jay. I appreciate you taking the time for this meeting."
We shook hands, and I motioned toward my table. "Shall we sit?"
As we settled into our seats, I could feel the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air. The gentle hum of the cafe faded into the background as the three of us prepared to navigate this crucial conversation.
I took a moment to gather my thoughts, then looked at both Kemal and Hannah with a calm demeanor. "Please, help yourselves to the buffet," I said, gesturing toward the spread of breakfast items. "There's a good selection today."
Kemal and Hannah exchanged glances before nodding. "Thank you," Kemal replied, his expression showing a mix of curiosity and caution. They both stood up to fill their plates, leaving me a few moments alone to steady my thoughts.
As they returned with their food, I maintained my calm and reserved composure, deciding to let the conversation flow naturally rather than diving straight into the intent of the meeting. The three of us began eating in relative silence, the occasional clink of cutlery punctuating the quiet.
Hannah broke the silence first, her voice soft but steady. "It's a nice place. I can see why you like it here."
I smiled slightly, nodding in agreement. "Yes, it has a certain charm."
Kemal seemed to be carefully choosing his words. "I appreciate you taking the time to meet with us, Em Jay."
"It is important for us to make new friends once in a while," I said, watching Kemal closely.
He was a bit thinner than me, with a full head of white hair that suggested he might be around my age, perhaps two or three years younger. As he held his cutlery, I noticed a slight tremble in his hands, a sign of possible health problems.
Kemal gave a small, thoughtful smile. "You're right," he replied, his voice steady despite the visible signs of age and health issues.
Hannah smiled gently at her father before looking back at me. "Yes, and to understand each other better."
We continued eating, the atmosphere becoming a bit more relaxed. I decided to let the natural flow of the meal guide our discussion. There was no need to rush into the heavy topics just yet. The next steps would reveal themselves in time, and I was prepared to navigate them with patience and care.
A moment later, a mobile phone melody filled the air. It was Hannah's. She took it out from her handbag and quickly answered it. The melody went off. "We're at the cafe here. Turn to your left. We are here."
I glanced at Kemal, whose eyes were now focused on the entrance. A sense of anticipation filled the air, and I couldn't help but wonder who else might be joining us.