Sitting alone in the restaurant, I thought about my life. My father's expectations, Amelia's demands, and my own desires.
It felt like I was being pulled in every direction."Get it together, Jeremy," I told myself. "You need to figure out what you really want.
"I knew I couldn't keep living this double life. But every time I thought about Samantha, something inside me resisted.
"Why is she so different?" I wondered. "What is it about her?"I had to see her again. Ignoring her calls and messages wasn't helping. If anything, it was making things worse.
She is the only person I have been with and I feel at peace and genuinely happy, why are things just getting so messy.
I was already fighting trying to hold back the tears that had blurred my eyes about to drop.
I bent my head as I wiped it off, it was a public place and I wasn't ready to cause a scene.
I stood up and carried myself to my car, got in,locked the doors with the glass wined up, and then I let it all out…
I cried like a baby in need of his mother's breast milk.
My head was on the steering wheel as I cried. After a few minutes, when I felt good and gave a heavy sigh, I took a wipe from the wipe box in my car and wiped my tears and my nose.
When I was sure I was okay, I started my car and drove out the parking lot. As I drove through the city, my thoughts kept drifting back to Samantha and the way I had ignored her this past week.
"Need to clear my head," I muttered to myself, gripping the steering wheel tighter. I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off everything.
Just then, as if the universe had heard my plea, I saw a stunning woman walking along the sidewalk. She had long, dark hair and a figure that turned heads. She was the kind of woman who exuded confidence and allure, and right now, she seemed like the perfect escape.
I slowed down and rolled down the window. "Hey there," I called out, flashing her a smile. "Need a ride?"
She turned to me, her eyes sparkling with intrigue. "Maybe," she replied, a coy smile playing on her lips. "Where are you headed?"
"Anywhere you want," I said, my voice smooth. "I'm Jeremy."
She walked over and leaned against the car, her gaze assessing. "I'm Lexi. And I think I could use a ride."
"Hop in," I said, unlocking the door.
As Lexi settled into the passenger seat, I couldn't help but appreciate her beauty. She was confident, sexy, and exactly the kind of distraction I needed. We chatted casually as I drove, the conversation light and flirtatious.
"So, Jeremy, what brings you out tonight?" she asked, her voice silky smooth.
"Just needed to clear my head," I replied, glancing over at her. "And you?"
"Looking for some fun," she said, her eyes glinting with mischief. "Think you can help with that?"
"I think I can manage," I said, a grin spreading across my face.
We pulled up to the hotel, and I led her inside, my mind already planning the night ahead.
As soon as we entered my hotel room, I turned to Lexi, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. She responded eagerly, her hands roaming over my body.
We stumbled towards the bed, shedding clothes as we went. The room was filled with the sounds of our heavy breathing and the rustle of fabric.
But as I touched Lexi, images of Samantha flashed in my mind. Her soft skin, her gentle touch, the way she had looked at me with such trust and love. It was like a haunting I couldn't shake off.
"Jeremy," Lexi moaned, pulling me back to the present.
I tried to focus on Lexi, to lose myself in the moment, but my mind kept drifting back to Samantha. Her name slipped from my lips without me realizing it.
"Samantha..."
Lexi paused, looking at me with confusion. "What did you just say?"
"Nothing," I muttered, shaking my head. "Let's keep going."
But it was no use. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Samantha out of my head. Her memory was like a shadow, darkening every moment with Lexi.
The more I tried to concentrate on Lexi, the more intense the thoughts of Samantha became. It was as if my mind was rebelling, refusing to let me forget her.
Finally, in a moment of frustration and confusion, I climaxed, but instead of the usual satisfaction, I felt emptiness. I pulled away from Lexi, panting heavily.
"Jeremy, what's wrong?" she asked, looking genuinely concerned.
"Just... get out," I said, my voice harsh.
"Did I do something wrong?" she asked, sitting up and covering herself with the sheets.
"No, it's not you," I snapped, running a hand through my hair. "Just leave."
Lexi hurriedly gathered her clothes, looking hurt and confused. "I don't understand..."
"Just go!" I growled, my patience wearing thin.
She quickly dressed, grabbing her shoes and bag. As she headed for the door, I grabbed some notes from my wallet and threw them at her.
"Here," I said coldly. "Take this and leave."
She picked up the money, her expression a mix of anger and humiliation. Without another word, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I collapsed onto the bed, my mind a chaotic mess. The encounter with Lexi had done nothing to ease my turmoil. If anything, it has made things worse.
"What is wrong with me?" I muttered, staring up at the ceiling.
Samantha's face kept appearing in my mind. Her smile, her laugh, the way she had looked at me with such pure love. I had never felt this way about anyone before, and it scared me.
"Why can't I stop thinking about her?" I wondered aloud.
I had always prided myself on my ability to compartmentalize, to keep my feelings separate from my actions. But Samantha had broken through all of that. She had made me feel things I didn't want to feel.
"Maybe I do love her," I admitted to the empty room. "But what does that even mean?"
I had spent so long running from my father's expectations, from Amelia's demands, from the life I didn't want. And in the process, I had hurt the one person who mattered most to me.