Chereads / I want to become a killer / Chapter 37 - Part 36

Chapter 37 - Part 36

The weeks stretched into months, and with each passing day, the city slowly began to transform. The initial fervor of revolution was giving way to the daily grind of rebuilding, of putting words into action, of creating something that could endure. People had started to trust us, to believe that we could create a world worth living in. But even as the new government took shape, something darker lingered beneath the surface, a quiet tension that no amount of speeches or policy changes seemed to alleviate.

I had always known that the hardest part of any revolution wasn't the violence or the bloodshed—it was what came after. The hardest part was the weight of responsibility, the constant balancing act between keeping the peace and honoring the promises of freedom. Power, once seized, was a heavy thing to hold. And I could feel it, every day, pressing on me, reminding me that I wasn't just leading a movement anymore—I was leading a nation.

Mara and I continued to work side by side, though I could tell she was beginning to feel the strain as well. The optimism that had accompanied our victory was beginning to wane, replaced by the sobering reality of what had to be done. Decisions were made, some easy, some impossible. There were always dissenters, people who wanted more, people who wanted less, people who didn't trust the system we were building.

It was the same old game, just with new faces.

One night, as I sat in my office, the city lights stretching out beneath me like a sea of stars, I couldn't shake the feeling that we were on the verge of something dangerous. A feeling I had felt before, that same sense of being caught between two worlds, unsure of which way to turn.

"Psycho."

I turned to see Mara standing in the doorway, her silhouette framed by the dim light behind her. Her voice was soft but firm. She didn't have to say much for me to know that something was wrong.

"Come in," I said, gesturing toward the chair across from me. She stepped in, shutting the door quietly behind her, and took a seat.

"You're thinking about the same thing I am, aren't you?" she asked, her voice quieter now, as if she didn't want to say it out loud.

I didn't answer right away. Instead, I leaned back in my chair, staring at the city, as if hoping the answer would appear in the sprawling landscape before me. "I don't know. Maybe. I can't shake the feeling that we're... slipping."

"Slipping?" Mara repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You mean, things are getting worse?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Not exactly. But it's like I can feel it, like there's something underneath the surface that's about to boil over. The people are restless, Mara. There's too much uncertainty, too many questions about what we've really built. They don't trust the system entirely, not yet. And... I don't blame them."

Mara was silent for a moment, watching me closely. "Do you think you're losing control?"

"Control?" I scoffed, feeling a bitter laugh rise in my throat. "I never had control. That's what I've been trying to tell myself. I didn't start this revolution because I wanted to rule. I did it because I wanted to create a world where people could be free. But freedom... freedom doesn't come without consequences."

She nodded slowly. "And the consequences are starting to show."

"I think it's more than that," I said, my voice thick with frustration. "I think we're running out of time. The longer we go without real change, without proving that this new world can work, the more people are going to start looking for someone to blame. Someone to fix it. And I don't want that someone to be me."

Mara stood up and walked over to the window, gazing out at the city. "So what do you want to do? You can't just stop. You can't run away from this now. There are too many people depending on you."

"I'm not running," I said, my voice sharp. "I just... I don't know if I can be what they want me to be anymore. I don't know if I should be."

Mara turned back to face me, her eyes intense. "That's the problem, Psycho. You're trying to do this alone. You're trying to be something you're not. You're not just a leader. You're a part of this. You're part of what we've built. And if you start thinking that you're the problem, then you're already lost."

I stared at her for a long time, the weight of her words sinking in. "But what if I am the problem? What if I'm just repeating history? What if the very thing I've been fighting against... is me?"

Mara didn't respond right away, but when she did, her voice was calm, almost soothing. "The difference between you and them is that you care. You care about the people. You care about their freedom. You care about what's right. And that's something the old leaders never had. They only cared about their own power."

I didn't know if I believed her, but I knew one thing for sure—I couldn't walk away. I couldn't let the darkness inside me win. Not now. Not after everything we had fought for.

"I'm not sure what comes next," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "But I know I can't do it alone."

She smiled, the warmth returning to her eyes. "You don't have to. We're in this together. We've always been."

And in that moment, I realized that Mara had been right all along. The hardest part of leadership wasn't the power—it was the responsibility. And I had to stop trying to carry it alone. This revolution wasn't just mine to lead. It was ours.

The world we were building, for better or worse, was a reflection of all of us. And if we wanted it to survive, we had to face the darkness together.

Later that night, I found myself back in the streets, walking among the people. The air was cool, the city alive with movement as people went about their evening routines. I watched them, the same way I had watched them in the beginning, but this time something was different. I wasn't just an observer anymore. I was part of it. I was part of them.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

________________________

Jabrane

pa treon /Jabrane

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