In the cozy suite that Yao Meifeng shared with Su Yao, the doll-like musician made yet another circuit of her new home, ensuring that everything was in place and that nothing would spoil the evening she had planned. Thankfully, Su Yao had yet to finish moving in and was still spending nights at her parent's home, leaving the small suite to Yao Meifeng alone. Finally, after her third time adjusting the cushions around the low table, a gentle knock sounded from the door.
"Junior Sister Yao? It's Sister Wu Ling," he called gently.
"Hello," Yao Meifeng said when she slid the door open. It was hard to know how to address Wu Ling. In the sect, she should be calling him 'Senior Sister' but doing so felt far too distant. Maybe, if he was able to present his true face to the sect, she could affectionately call him 'Senior Brother,' and that wouldn't feel as cold as calling him Senior Sister did. Neither of them, however, matched what she really wanted to call him.
"Please, come in and have a seatt," she said, taking his soft hands in her own and pulling him toward a pile of cushions. Today he'd worn one of the fur-trimmed dresses that Alchemist Huang had gifted him and he looked stunning enough in it to make most women jealous.
To Yao Meifeng, however, it only added to the image of a carefully constructed mask that helped conceal the deep fatigue and worry that had plagued him since learning that Su Xiang had been imprisoned by her sect.
"Senior Sister is still taking care of me," Wu Ling said with a nostalgic smile as he sank gratefully into the soft cushions. He'd spent the entire day with Alchemist Huang at the Amber Lily Academy's conference, not only for the sake of the auction at the end but to make several other preparations for their upcoming expedition deep into the mountains. It had been a successful day but it had also left his feet sore and his body drained.
"Of course, I'm taking care of you," Yao Meifeng said, placing a cup of cool barley tea and a small bowl of boiled nuts on the table in front of Wu Ling. "I never minded taking care of you, you know," she added, hiding a blush behind a flowing sleeve as she stood and moved to the suite's small kitchen to finish assembling dinner.
When Wu Ling first joined the Pure Virtue Musician's Hall, Yao Meifeng saw him as a nervous young girl taking her first steps outside the home. She'd assumed the young woman led a sheltered life like many of her classmates and that she needed a friend to help her adjust to life at the school.
As a Senior Sister, she took it upon herself to invite Wu Ling to social gatherings, to introduce him to many other seniors and alumni, and to make sure he never felt left out when she found out how different his family circumstances were from most of their classmates.
In hindsight, now that she knew his secret, she imagined that much of his nervous shyness had actually been fear of discovery. Still, she didn't regret any of the time they'd spent together during their days at school.
In the year that she'd been Wu Ling's Senior Sister, she'd seen his talent blossom as his confidence grew. When she'd graduated, she'd already seen Wu Ling starting to mirror her earlier actions, taking care of the newer, younger students coming in as she was leaving.
"I don't think I'd have enjoyed my years in school without your guidance, Sister Yao," Wu Ling said with genuine feeling. "Perhaps I'd even have been discovered and met some terrible fate. You really helped me out back then."
"And now you're helping me," she said with a smile, returning from the kitchen and setting several dishes between them. "I, um, can I," she started, stumbling over her words and then losing them entirely when she looked into Wu Ling's silvery eyes. "That is, can you, um, can you not call me 'Sister Yao' anymore?"
"Oh?" Wu Ling said, reaching out with his chopsticks to add several fresh, crisp vegetables and pickles to his bowl. "What would you prefer? Should I call you my Little Mei'er?" Wu Ling added with a teasing wink.
"If, if you would like," Yao Meifeng stammered, hiding behind a flowing sleeve again. "That is, um, I was going to ask if you'd just call me 'Meifeng' like you did the other day, but, Little Mei'er is good too," she said, her ears burning a bright red.
"Then what about me?" Wu Ling said, setting his chopsticks down and pulling Yao Meifeng's petite hands into his own so he could gaze directly into her watery eyes. "How will you call me?"
"I, I want to, to call you, um," her voice became very small. "Husband," she whispered, glancing away from Wu Ling's intense gaze.
"Mei'er," Wu Ling said, placing a finger gently on her chin and turning her face back toward him. "It's too soon for that."
"No, it's not," the young woman insisted. "It's been two years now that we've known each other. We were good friends and now, now that I know you, know the real you," she hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath before plunging ahead.
"I can't think of anyone better in this whole world. So please," she said, looking up at him through moist lashes. "Please let me be your woman."
"Oh Meifeng," Wu Ling said, pulling her in close and wrapping his arms around her petite figure. For several moments, he just held her, tucking her head under his chin and stroking her back gently.
"You deserve better," he finally said, picking his words with care. "I don't mean you deserve a better man than me," he teased, pulling back to look into her eyes. "I mean you deserve better than to make that decision now."
"You think I won't still feel this way a year from now? Ten years from now? Do you think that you'd be any less perfect for me," she asked, placing delicate fingers on his chest to feel the rapid beat of his heart. "We're Artists," she said softly. "You should know the truth of how I feel."
"I do," Wu Ling said. The shades of deep red and bright pink he saw coloring her were far too vibrant to ignore. "And, Mei'er, I feel for you too. But will you listen to me for a moment? Maybe it's too soon for me," he said gently. "Right now, there's something in the way and I don't want to ignore it."
"I'm s-sorry," Meifeng stammered. "I know you still need to rescue Sister Su Xiang and…"
"That's not it," Wu Ling said, gently placing a finger on her soft, pert lips. "It's change," he continued. "Right now, we're both changing. You just escaped your family into the sect. I'm… I'm just now awakening and trying to step out of the disguise that I'm still," his voice faltered and he helplessly gestured to the dress he was wearing.
For Wu Ling, the guise he currently wore felt heavy, like a cage of iron clamped around every inch of his body. How could he genuinely return Yao Meifeng's feelings when he couldn't even present his true face to her? She wanted to call him 'husband' to pledge herself to him, but he couldn't even appear as the man she desired as long as he was bound by the Hall Master's rules within the sect.
Worse, it felt like Yao Meifeng had crossed a hurdle that he had yet to overcome. Despite the way he appeared before her, dressed as a young lady of the Bamboo Silk House, she confessed her feelings freely, as though his appearance didn't matter. To him, however, donning the guise of 'Senior Sister Wu Ling' meant locking away some of the things he felt most deeply in order to play the role he'd been confined to.
"We can cling to each other when everything else feels uncertain," he said, holding her hands tightly. "But I'm afraid that won't be good for you, or for me. I want to hold the woman I love in soft hands, like a starling. But I never want to cling so tight that she can't open her wings and take flight like a phoenix."
"I'm afraid that right now, all we could do is cling, and clinging can too easily become crushing," he whispered. "I'm afraid that, before your wings are ready to fly, I could cling so hard that it hurt you."
"I, I u-understand," she said, pulling herself back in close and resting her head on his chest. "I can wait. I don't think I'll change my mind," she said. "But I can become strong enough to fly together with you."
"That's the way," Wu Ling said with a gentle smile before pulling her back into a close embrace. "I need to become stronger too, strong enough to give you all the love you deserve." For several minutes, the two just held each other, saying nothing and listening to the music of each other's heartbeats.